Only Child That HELPS Mom
I have a brother and his wife that could help me BUT he dont. He help his wife with her mother, Why cant they help with his Mom. I keep telling him he needs to help, needs to see her more often and to even call. He does not do anything. Why is it that the male child allways think they dont need to. I ask them to come stay with her. Ive even asked for them to call more often. It just does not happen..I have even asked him to clear his 3rd bedroom for her that i have a twin bed to put in there, There excuse is they have no other place to put this stuff. I tell them to burn it!! They get mad, then its all over but the crying. I have told them they keep junk in there house so no one can come and stay with them. Yes they have money troubles but who doesnt these days, so they say they dont have the gas money ($3.40 a gaallon). But they have money to go to Galveston or out to eat or other stuff,But not where they need to be. My Mom gets so upset cause they dont call or even come see her, so when shes upset, mad, I get the bitchy side of her yelling at me being really really mean to me. Because of her son....He tells me to just leave her by herself, she will be ok.
I am just beside myself. I have 2 kids and there familys they are here but it should not be them all the time. He has no kids of his own, but 2 step kids but they dont live in Texas. Its about a 2 hour drive back and fort both ways. I lost my husband here last year Feb. 2010 and now its been a year and I cant even get away to do anything. Oh ya my brother is the oldest. I also have health problems bad back my lumbar 4 abd 5 have shifted causeing nerve pain, etc. Sometimes its really hard to get around, get out of bed, even get out of a chair. I cant pick her up when she falls cause she is to heavy. I have to call 911.
My mind is just to full, I have to much on my plate... And Im going crazy... it seems...Im trying to see if there is anykind of help for her even me, but this takes forever,,,
THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. THIS IS A BIG HELP GETTING TO VENT..
Only Child That HELPS Mom
I have a brother and his wife that could help me BUT he dont. He help his wife with her mother, Why cant they help with his Mom. I keep telling him he needs to help, needs to see her more often and to even call. He does not do anything. Why is it that the male child allways think they dont need to. I ask them to come stay with her. Ive even asked for them to call more often. It just does not happen..I have even asked him to clear his 3rd bedroom for her that i have a twin bed to put in there, There excuse is they have no other place to put this stuff. I tell them to burn it!! They get mad, then its all over but the crying. I have told them they keep junk in there house so no one can come and stay with them. Yes they have money troubles but who doesnt these days, so they say they dont have the gas money ($3.40 a gaallon). But they have money to go to Galveston or out to eat or other stuff,But not where they need to be. My Mom gets so upset cause they dont call or even come see her, so when shes upset, mad, I get the bitchy side of her yelling at me being really really mean to me. Because of her son....He tells me to just leave her by herself, she will be ok.
I am just beside myself. I have 2 kids and there familys they are here but it should not be them all the time. He has no kids of his own, but 2 step kids but they dont live in Texas. Its about a 2 hour drive back and fort both ways. I lost my husband here last year Feb. 2010 and now its been a year and I cant even get away to do anything. Oh ya my brother is the oldest. I also have health problems bad back my lumbar 4 abd 5 have shifted causeing nerve pain, etc. Sometimes its really hard to get around, get out of bed, even get out of a chair. I cant pick her up when she falls cause she is to heavy. I have to call 911.
My mind is just to full, I have to much on my plate... And Im going crazy... it seems...Im trying to see if there is anykind of help for her even me, but this takes forever,,,
THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. THIS IS A BIG HELP GETTING TO VENT..
I'm the youngest of 2 and I also am the only child that helps both my Mom and Dad. you didn't state your mother's health issues but it sounds like you need someone to come in for a few hrs a day, assisted living or Nursing Home care for your mother...and YOU!
Start by talking with your mohter about the options that she would like, discuss the situation with your mothers Dr. and get a Social Worker involved, they can guide you according to your mothers financial and insurance resources.
You have to make it easier on yourself, you have your life and your children. As to why some siblings don't help help out? Beats me! and I decided not to exert my brain cells on trying to convince, coherece or throw a pitty party over my Sister's actions or no action!
Let us know your progress, this is a great site for support and resources. Do what you need to do, I wish you well!
I'm the youngest of 2 and I also am the only child that helps both my Mom and Dad. you didn't state your mother's health issues but it sounds like you need someone to come in for a few hrs a day, assisted living or Nursing Home care for your mother...and YOU!
Start by talking with your mohter about the options that she would like, discuss the situation with your mothers Dr. and get a Social Worker involved, they can guide you according to your mothers financial and insurance resources.
You have to make it easier on yourself, you have your life and your children. As to why some siblings don't help help out? Beats me! and I decided not to exert my brain cells on trying to convince, coherece or throw a pitty party over my Sister's actions or no action!
Let us know your progress, this is a great site for support and resources. Do what you need to do, I wish you well!
I know what you mean, I am the one who watches after my dad, he lives alone but needs help with meds, drs appointments and some day to day stuff. He also needs financial help since he can't work anymore he can't make ends meet alone. I have a brother who could certainly afford to help but says he can't. He will help my dad with a certain task but only if he is asked to do a specific thing but even then it's 50% 50% whether or not he will help. There are also adult grandchildren who rarely go by and see him or rarely help out, they are always "too busy" with work and kids. I work too full time but manage to pull all ends of the load where my dad os concerned. Also I help him make ends meet financially. Right now I feel like I'm at my wits end.I am angry and frustrated with the whole situation. I'm angry with the rest of my family, not my dad. He is a wonderful man who has always been there for everyone else and now I feel like they have aren't there for him, or me. The others will say things like "I feel so bad for not going by and seeing him or calling him more often". Well to them I say "don't come to cry on my shoulder one day when he isn't here anymore and it's too late for you to do anything". I am really pissed and resentful and thanks for allowing me to vent here. Right now I feel like cutting off relationships with the rest of the family because they aren't acting like family and I am sick of it.
I know what you mean, I am the one who watches after my dad, he lives alone but needs help with meds, drs appointments and some day to day stuff. He also needs financial help since he can't work anymore he can't make ends meet alone. I have a brother who could certainly afford to help but says he can't. He will help my dad with a certain task but only if he is asked to do a specific thing but even then it's 50% 50% whether or not he will help. There are also adult grandchildren who rarely go by and see him or rarely help out, they are always "too busy" with work and kids. I work too full time but manage to pull all ends of the load where my dad os concerned. Also I help him make ends meet financially. Right now I feel like I'm at my wits end.I am angry and frustrated with the whole situation. I'm angry with the rest of my family, not my dad. He is a wonderful man who has always been there for everyone else and now I feel like they have aren't there for him, or me. The others will say things like "I feel so bad for not going by and seeing him or calling him more often". Well to them I say "don't come to cry on my shoulder one day when he isn't here anymore and it's too late for you to do anything". I am really pissed and resentful and thanks for allowing me to vent here. Right now I feel like cutting off relationships with the rest of the family because they aren't acting like family and I am sick of it.
Me! My two siblings call my Dad on the phone. That's it.
Me! My two siblings call my Dad on the phone. That's it.
Dear ?, I am so sorry to hear you are so isolated and depressed and stressed. Its hard enough to care for your self and your kids after loosing your husband. I would really look around at community programs that might be available in your town, for elder care during the day at least. My friend works as a care provider and some of her clients are on medicade. Also, she works as an exercise instructor for elder people and there are free to very inexpensive classes available in community recreation facilities. Maybe call a big church near by to see if they are aware of day programs for elders. If your mom had some other friends and ways of getting out to see people that would take some of the stress off you to provide for her socially. Its hard to say it but when people let you down over and over you know you cant expect them to come through. I dont know what is available in Texas, but in our town there are free handicap transport vans through the bus service. Good luck to you and God be with you, K
Dear ?, I am so sorry to hear you are so isolated and depressed and stressed. Its hard enough to care for your self and your kids after loosing your husband. I would really look around at community programs that might be available in your town, for elder care during the day at least. My friend works as a care provider and some of her clients are on medicade. Also, she works as an exercise instructor for elder people and there are free to very inexpensive classes available in community recreation facilities. Maybe call a big church near by to see if they are aware of day programs for elders. If your mom had some other friends and ways of getting out to see people that would take some of the stress off you to provide for her socially. Its hard to say it but when people let you down over and over you know you cant expect them to come through. I dont know what is available in Texas, but in our town there are free handicap transport vans through the bus service. Good luck to you and God be with you, K
Hello to you all, well I am the middle child from my oarents. Both my parents has children from prior marriages BUT when my mom got to where she was disabled and could not work I was the only one that helped her. I was married and working a full time job as to where my youngest sister was a stay at home wife and mom (of one child who is a teenager) no one helped me. I have medical issues and so I put my health and marriage on the line for my mom and I did not have a problem doing it for her because I would not be here if it was not for her. I asked for help from my sisters and no one came to my aide. When my mom ended up having her stroke and did not survive it both my sisters blamed me for her death because they stated that I was not there more to take care of her. I am sure you all can imagine what that did to me. Hey I was going from working a 12-16 hour shift straight to mama's and taking care of her and taking her to appointments...my sisters were mad when my mom gave me power of attorney so that I could take care of her bills. I am sorry but I had to get this off my chest...I miss her but I know that she is in a better place and she did tell me all the time that she appreciated what I was doing for her.
Thank you for listening and I hope you all the best and take care.
Hello to you all, well I am the middle child from my oarents. Both my parents has children from prior marriages BUT when my mom got to where she was disabled and could not work I was the only one that helped her. I was married and working a full time job as to where my youngest sister was a stay at home wife and mom (of one child who is a teenager) no one helped me. I have medical issues and so I put my health and marriage on the line for my mom and I did not have a problem doing it for her because I would not be here if it was not for her. I asked for help from my sisters and no one came to my aide. When my mom ended up having her stroke and did not survive it both my sisters blamed me for her death because they stated that I was not there more to take care of her. I am sure you all can imagine what that did to me. Hey I was going from working a 12-16 hour shift straight to mama's and taking care of her and taking her to appointments...my sisters were mad when my mom gave me power of attorney so that I could take care of her bills. I am sorry but I had to get this off my chest...I miss her but I know that she is in a better place and she did tell me all the time that she appreciated what I was doing for her.
Thank you for listening and I hope you all the best and take care.
I so understand where your comming from! i am a youngest child who has a ucurable disease and have 2 teenagers, i have 3 sisters who are married with grown children but i am the one who when daddy got sick and momma was getting worse was the only one who stepped up to take care of them! i did take care of them taking daddy to doctors almost weekly and hospitals and doing housed cooking and cleaning for 2 houses mine and my parents and i gave the meds. daily yard work and thank God my kids tho young helped out as much as possible. i lost my daddy 2 yrs ago i was with him when he left us to go to heaven. now i am power of attorney of my mom she is uncapable of being by herself and has worsening dementia, and i am glad i can be there for her, 2 sisters visit maybe few hours every 3 months and goes back to their lives. 1 sister has nothing to do with me and my children because she wanted all my dads stuff and took things before my dad was even cold and buried. she doesn't talk to my mom anymore either! all i do is pray for her to get right with God and i will not allow her to make me a misserable person, because of her cold heart! I will pray for you, and believe me you are not alone. hugs and prayers!
I so understand where your comming from! i am a youngest child who has a ucurable disease and have 2 teenagers, i have 3 sisters who are married with grown children but i am the one who when daddy got sick and momma was getting worse was the only one who stepped up to take care of them! i did take care of them taking daddy to doctors almost weekly and hospitals and doing housed cooking and cleaning for 2 houses mine and my parents and i gave the meds. daily yard work and thank God my kids tho young helped out as much as possible. i lost my daddy 2 yrs ago i was with him when he left us to go to heaven. now i am power of attorney of my mom she is uncapable of being by herself and has worsening dementia, and i am glad i can be there for her, 2 sisters visit maybe few hours every 3 months and goes back to their lives. 1 sister has nothing to do with me and my children because she wanted all my dads stuff and took things before my dad was even cold and buried. she doesn't talk to my mom anymore either! all i do is pray for her to get right with God and i will not allow her to make me a misserable person, because of her cold heart! I will pray for you, and believe me you are not alone. hugs and prayers!
I too have wrestled with siblings that are not at all interested in the day to day care of my mother. I have 4 worthless brothers and a sister. I have never received a penny or even ONE HOUR of help from any of them in 4 years. I no longer wish to be a part of their lives and am ashamed we are related to be honest. My mother is difficult to handle and it is so emotionally wrenching for me. I know I could totally benefit from therapy. Falling apart is not an option for me at this point. I know therapy would open the floodgates and that and my mother would put me over the edge. Don't you all find that you put so many things off until after they are gone? Your happiness, vacations, contentment, relaxation, a social life, peace? My mother is 88, not in good health, though she is able to get around. Sometimes, I feel like the grim reaper. I go in several times in the morning just to see if she is still breathing. Part of me hoping she isn't, but then what would be? She wants to be with my dad, gone 4 years now. They were married 55 years. She is totally okay with it. Will I miss her when she is gone? I don't know to be honest. Maybe not. What I do know is the anger and resentment I feel towards my siblings has changed us forever and we are no longer family. I actually am okay with the whole orphan status thing. Oh and another thing...a word of caution to all. Going through my parents papers of which there are about 50 large boxes,so ridiculous to save every piece of paper you attached a pen to for 60 years, every newspaper clipping that caught your eye and every greeting card received since 1950. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! It is horrible. Did my mother really need to save the letter where she confessed to my father that she only really knew how to love babies and she would leave all of the loving up to him after we turned 6? What an enlightening thing for me to stumble across on top of so many others. And I THINK I need therapy? I have streamlined my own personal papers down to one small filing drawer. The bare essentials. Just throwing it out there. Thanks to all that post on this site. I come to read often and actually feel better each time I do. So many more have it worse than I. I applaud you and hope that you know that you have earned your wings to heaven!! Love to all that continue on this quest, with determination, resolve, the occassional chuckle and all different kinds of love.
I too have wrestled with siblings that are not at all interested in the day to day care of my mother. I have 4 worthless brothers and a sister. I have never received a penny or even ONE HOUR of help from any of them in 4 years. I no longer wish to be a part of their lives and am ashamed we are related to be honest. My mother is difficult to handle and it is so emotionally wrenching for me. I know I could totally benefit from therapy. Falling apart is not an option for me at this point. I know therapy would open the floodgates and that and my mother would put me over the edge. Don't you all find that you put so many things off until after they are gone? Your happiness, vacations, contentment, relaxation, a social life, peace? My mother is 88, not in good health, though she is able to get around. Sometimes, I feel like the grim reaper. I go in several times in the morning just to see if she is still breathing. Part of me hoping she isn't, but then what would be? She wants to be with my dad, gone 4 years now. They were married 55 years. She is totally okay with it. Will I miss her when she is gone? I don't know to be honest. Maybe not. What I do know is the anger and resentment I feel towards my siblings has changed us forever and we are no longer family. I actually am okay with the whole orphan status thing. Oh and another thing...a word of caution to all. Going through my parents papers of which there are about 50 large boxes,so ridiculous to save every piece of paper you attached a pen to for 60 years, every newspaper clipping that caught your eye and every greeting card received since 1950. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! It is horrible. Did my mother really need to save the letter where she confessed to my father that she only really knew how to love babies and she would leave all of the loving up to him after we turned 6? What an enlightening thing for me to stumble across on top of so many others. And I THINK I need therapy? I have streamlined my own personal papers down to one small filing drawer. The bare essentials. Just throwing it out there. Thanks to all that post on this site. I come to read often and actually feel better each time I do. So many more have it worse than I. I applaud you and hope that you know that you have earned your wings to heaven!! Love to all that continue on this quest, with determination, resolve, the occassional chuckle and all different kinds of love.
Good Morning All!
I'm the youngest of four children. I'm 47, my oldest sibbling almost 60. I've taken care of both my parents. My Dad died 2007 at 90. My Mom is 84,Cancer survivor, and now has early stage Dementia. She has more energy than the energizer bunny rabbit, and goes non-stop all day long. My sibblings has their own home,business,and kids. I even help raise their kids.
Now I get no help or support from any of them with helping Mom, and taking care of her home. They consider a phone call a good deed. I'm unable to go out and work because she needs constant supervision. She's at that wondering out of the house stage now. She's physically healthy, and active but the brain and memory comes and goes. It's a constant 16 hour a day job with her, and I never know what to expect next. I am grateful that I found this site, and can chat with others who are going thru the same struggles as I am. I wish you all the best of luck, and believe that God will see us thru, and bless us. Keep up the good work, and stay strong.
Peace-n-Love!
Good Morning All!
I'm the youngest of four children. I'm 47, my oldest sibbling almost 60. I've taken care of both my parents. My Dad died 2007 at 90. My Mom is 84,Cancer survivor, and now has early stage Dementia. She has more energy than the energizer bunny rabbit, and goes non-stop all day long. My sibblings has their own home,business,and kids. I even help raise their kids.
Now I get no help or support from any of them with helping Mom, and taking care of her home. They consider a phone call a good deed. I'm unable to go out and work because she needs constant supervision. She's at that wondering out of the house stage now. She's physically healthy, and active but the brain and memory comes and goes. It's a constant 16 hour a day job with her, and I never know what to expect next. I am grateful that I found this site, and can chat with others who are going thru the same struggles as I am. I wish you all the best of luck, and believe that God will see us thru, and bless us. Keep up the good work, and stay strong.
Peace-n-Love!
To doror69, Our situations are similar in that I can't work so that mom has a caregiver. She also is pretty healthy however her brain function isn't good enough to be alone. Unfortunately we do not have money for assisted living or nursing homes. We are in California so our Medicaid is Medi-cal and it's not good for much. I hope where you are Medicaid assists you more. I know it's expensive but would you have the ability to afford assisted living, board and care or a nursing home for her? Oh yeah, also if she has a house, you could possibly get a reverse mortgage.
To doror69, Our situations are similar in that I can't work so that mom has a caregiver. She also is pretty healthy however her brain function isn't good enough to be alone. Unfortunately we do not have money for assisted living or nursing homes. We are in California so our Medicaid is Medi-cal and it's not good for much. I hope where you are Medicaid assists you more. I know it's expensive but would you have the ability to afford assisted living, board and care or a nursing home for her? Oh yeah, also if she has a house, you could possibly get a reverse mortgage.
It's not easy when the funds are not available to get assistance. Though you didn't say it, it seems obvious that you don't have the means for assisted living or to pay for in-home care. I sympathize with you because I'm in the same boat. I am the oldest of two and me and my husband are retired. We brought my mom to live with us when she was vry very ill (she is now 91) and didn't really want to see her in a nursing home. She gets a social security check but it doesn' cover the bills she came here with and the insurances and medicines she has to pay, therefore, she contributes nothing to the household though she requires dfferent foods and runs the TV no stop. My husband and I retired thinking that we would be able to travel or go out to dinner when we desired etc. He stays with her while I run errands but we would like to go out together sometimes. Our county has a respite program but they have paid for 3 hours in the course of 38 months. My sibling is still working and she works in the school system. She promised that she would have more time when the summer vacation came...now she is teaching summer school and doing summer workshops. I sometimes f3eel so put upon. She is 15 years younger than me. Sometimes I get very resentful and then I listen to the problems of others on the website and I feel ashamed for feeling so selfish. I do all that is required and more for my mom, plus I manage to spend about 3 hours an evening watching TV with her (instead of my husband) but the loving companionship I should be showing is not in it. For that I am sorry. I continue to tell myself it is something I have to work on but even when I try, I fail. I believe it is pure burnout but I'm not a pyschiatrists. If nothing else just know you are not alone in your frustrations. God Bless!
It's not easy when the funds are not available to get assistance. Though you didn't say it, it seems obvious that you don't have the means for assisted living or to pay for in-home care. I sympathize with you because I'm in the same boat. I am the oldest of two and me and my husband are retired. We brought my mom to live with us when she was vry very ill (she is now 91) and didn't really want to see her in a nursing home. She gets a social security check but it doesn' cover the bills she came here with and the insurances and medicines she has to pay, therefore, she contributes nothing to the household though she requires dfferent foods and runs the TV no stop. My husband and I retired thinking that we would be able to travel or go out to dinner when we desired etc. He stays with her while I run errands but we would like to go out together sometimes. Our county has a respite program but they have paid for 3 hours in the course of 38 months. My sibling is still working and she works in the school system. She promised that she would have more time when the summer vacation came...now she is teaching summer school and doing summer workshops. I sometimes f3eel so put upon. She is 15 years younger than me. Sometimes I get very resentful and then I listen to the problems of others on the website and I feel ashamed for feeling so selfish. I do all that is required and more for my mom, plus I manage to spend about 3 hours an evening watching TV with her (instead of my husband) but the loving companionship I should be showing is not in it. For that I am sorry. I continue to tell myself it is something I have to work on but even when I try, I fail. I believe it is pure burnout but I'm not a pyschiatrists. If nothing else just know you are not alone in your frustrations. God Bless!
thank you for your reply! my mom has the means to have someone come in and help a couple days a week but she does not trust anyone and she is even hallucitating about people being in her house, she gets upset when i tell her that nobodys there, i then just say i did not see anyone and i won't let no one hurt her or come in her home. she is getting more upset with me lately thinking i am taking her car and put it in my name, which is not true she can't drive but it is still in her name. the dr. gave new meds to try to stop her mood swings, it works a little but sometimes she gets so angry at me and won't stop yelling at me or my 2 teenagers. i am so struggling and don't know how long i can keep this up my dr. are very concerned about my own health which i keep losing weight at 2-3lbs a week and am very underweight, put my nerves are so bad when i try to eat i get so sick it won't stay down, so most times i just don't eat. i do take nerve pills but so hard to deal with. i do everything for her and some days she is fine and other days she just uncontrollable. i am so sorry you don't have more help also sad for grown kids who just don't care about there parents anymore once they get older and need help thats when true love for parents come to light. hope things get better for you. May God Bless You!
thank you for your reply! my mom has the means to have someone come in and help a couple days a week but she does not trust anyone and she is even hallucitating about people being in her house, she gets upset when i tell her that nobodys there, i then just say i did not see anyone and i won't let no one hurt her or come in her home. she is getting more upset with me lately thinking i am taking her car and put it in my name, which is not true she can't drive but it is still in her name. the dr. gave new meds to try to stop her mood swings, it works a little but sometimes she gets so angry at me and won't stop yelling at me or my 2 teenagers. i am so struggling and don't know how long i can keep this up my dr. are very concerned about my own health which i keep losing weight at 2-3lbs a week and am very underweight, put my nerves are so bad when i try to eat i get so sick it won't stay down, so most times i just don't eat. i do take nerve pills but so hard to deal with. i do everything for her and some days she is fine and other days she just uncontrollable. i am so sorry you don't have more help also sad for grown kids who just don't care about there parents anymore once they get older and need help thats when true love for parents come to light. hope things get better for you. May God Bless You!
I get a little assistance to take care of myself, and try to hustle some catering on the side. It's hard for my Mom to get in home care because she's so active and healthy. She makes the energizer bunny look like a turtle. She wants to do everything around the house, has a very healthy appetite, and takes no medication. I try to keep her away from the stove, for gas safety purposes. And has to constantly watch her from leaving the house and wondering. She seldoms listenes to me and keeps reminding me who the parent is. She's only obedient when I direct her to go eat, or give her treats and snacks. My other siblings don't have the patience to deal with her, and seldom takes her to ther home for time spent,and give me time for myself. But I say to each one of you... hang in there, and keep up the good work. And pray we mentain the strength to keep on doing what we're doing.
Peace-n-Love!
I get a little assistance to take care of myself, and try to hustle some catering on the side. It's hard for my Mom to get in home care because she's so active and healthy. She makes the energizer bunny look like a turtle. She wants to do everything around the house, has a very healthy appetite, and takes no medication. I try to keep her away from the stove, for gas safety purposes. And has to constantly watch her from leaving the house and wondering. She seldoms listenes to me and keeps reminding me who the parent is. She's only obedient when I direct her to go eat, or give her treats and snacks. My other siblings don't have the patience to deal with her, and seldom takes her to ther home for time spent,and give me time for myself. But I say to each one of you... hang in there, and keep up the good work. And pray we mentain the strength to keep on doing what we're doing.
Peace-n-Love!
To Botruguywu, your situation sounds intolerable. Your doctors' are right for being concerned about your health. I know how extremely difficult it is to take care of yourself when being a caregiver. Caregivers truly are unsung heroes. Would her insurance or Medicaid cover respite care in a nursing home so you can have a break? My mom and I live together in a one bedroom apartment no less and I only get out by myself if grocery shopping. Hallucinations are a scary thing to deal with. It could be from a mental disorder however some medications can also cause it. You might check her medications on webmd.com for this side effect. I wish you well.
To Botruguywu, your situation sounds intolerable. Your doctors' are right for being concerned about your health. I know how extremely difficult it is to take care of yourself when being a caregiver. Caregivers truly are unsung heroes. Would her insurance or Medicaid cover respite care in a nursing home so you can have a break? My mom and I live together in a one bedroom apartment no less and I only get out by myself if grocery shopping. Hallucinations are a scary thing to deal with. It could be from a mental disorder however some medications can also cause it. You might check her medications on webmd.com for this side effect. I wish you well.
to kim.elliott27, thanks for replying. my mom does have ins. to have a caregiver come in a couple days a week, but she won't allow it. she also is so scared someone is going to put her in a nursing home that she keeps doors locked and is very scared if i take her to the store with me. i have a sister and her husband who has been threatening to put her in a home so they can have my daddys stuff. they went so far as comming to daddys grave on memorial day and started cussing us out and my mom went into histarics and every since then she has been worse and dr. had to put her on strong nerve pills he said that they pushed her over the edge and she doesn't know how to deal with it so her mind is just doing wierd things. they care about her they are just trying to keep her so emotionally upset with hateful letters and stalking me and her. we don't get out much since then cause she is to afraid. i just pray my sister and her husband realize one day how wrong they were to treat mom this away. as for me i am not going to give them the satisfaction of making me upset i will let the law deal with them for harrassing the elderly. thanks for your concern, i am trying to do my best and will always be there for mom even tho she might confuse me with a sister or someone else i just have to take the mood swings and stay strong with Gods help and keep on going. may God Bless You!
to kim.elliott27, thanks for replying. my mom does have ins. to have a caregiver come in a couple days a week, but she won't allow it. she also is so scared someone is going to put her in a nursing home that she keeps doors locked and is very scared if i take her to the store with me. i have a sister and her husband who has been threatening to put her in a home so they can have my daddys stuff. they went so far as comming to daddys grave on memorial day and started cussing us out and my mom went into histarics and every since then she has been worse and dr. had to put her on strong nerve pills he said that they pushed her over the edge and she doesn't know how to deal with it so her mind is just doing wierd things. they care about her they are just trying to keep her so emotionally upset with hateful letters and stalking me and her. we don't get out much since then cause she is to afraid. i just pray my sister and her husband realize one day how wrong they were to treat mom this away. as for me i am not going to give them the satisfaction of making me upset i will let the law deal with them for harrassing the elderly. thanks for your concern, i am trying to do my best and will always be there for mom even tho she might confuse me with a sister or someone else i just have to take the mood swings and stay strong with Gods help and keep on going. may God Bless You!
Might I ask what kind of insurance will have someone come in a couple of days a week. I wonder if either of my mom's will do that.
Might I ask what kind of insurance will have someone come in a couple of days a week. I wonder if either of my mom's will do that.
thank you so much i honestly thought I was the only one going through these things like no one else in the world could really understand what I was going through my mother has schizophrenia and is bi- polar and now we are dealing with dementia as well as an amputation of her leg due to diabetes and between checking her blood sugar 4 x @ day and changing diapers and doctors appointments I am exhausted I have 3 brothers & 3 sisters that want absolutely nothing to do with her unless they think she has some money then some of them will show up until she is broke again . But i find myself being angry and resentful because Iam the one here that has basically put my life on hold to care for her and our relationship has always been strained any way but as you say she gets upset because they are not speaking to her and then I seem to be the one she chooses to take it out on anything from the crappy attitude to behaviors you name it i get a taste of it .BUT you know we can not change the way our siblings act and you are just adding more stress to yourself (and LORD knows we have enough without adding any to it)just try to deal with the issues you have with your mom and possibly have a mediator talk to your brother or write him a letter and mail it to him he may keep it a day or 2 but eventually curiosity will get him and he will read it he may read over it a few times but at least he will be able to see your point of view and by writing it you can read over it and really say what you want without the heat of the moment and it turning into an argument just an idea my thoughts are with you and your mother
thank you so much i honestly thought I was the only one going through these things like no one else in the world could really understand what I was going through my mother has schizophrenia and is bi- polar and now we are dealing with dementia as well as an amputation of her leg due to diabetes and between checking her blood sugar 4 x @ day and changing diapers and doctors appointments I am exhausted I have 3 brothers & 3 sisters that want absolutely nothing to do with her unless they think she has some money then some of them will show up until she is broke again . But i find myself being angry and resentful because Iam the one here that has basically put my life on hold to care for her and our relationship has always been strained any way but as you say she gets upset because they are not speaking to her and then I seem to be the one she chooses to take it out on anything from the crappy attitude to behaviors you name it i get a taste of it .BUT you know we can not change the way our siblings act and you are just adding more stress to yourself (and LORD knows we have enough without adding any to it)just try to deal with the issues you have with your mom and possibly have a mediator talk to your brother or write him a letter and mail it to him he may keep it a day or 2 but eventually curiosity will get him and he will read it he may read over it a few times but at least he will be able to see your point of view and by writing it you can read over it and really say what you want without the heat of the moment and it turning into an argument just an idea my thoughts are with you and your mother
have you applied for c.a.p. and i do not know if where you are they have a program called project c.a.r.e. caregivers alternative to running on empty if you qualify they will give you a grant that can be used to pay some one to come in or for even an adult day care program other options are call the council on aging or seniors services in your area and they can give you some ideas also dept. of social services usually has the homemakers program or they can direct you to other services that can help there are also some volunteer companion programs they will not do any thing except come in sit with the person and maybe get them a snack or something but at least you can run an errand or at least get a breather good luck
have you applied for c.a.p. and i do not know if where you are they have a program called project c.a.r.e. caregivers alternative to running on empty if you qualify they will give you a grant that can be used to pay some one to come in or for even an adult day care program other options are call the council on aging or seniors services in your area and they can give you some ideas also dept. of social services usually has the homemakers program or they can direct you to other services that can help there are also some volunteer companion programs they will not do any thing except come in sit with the person and maybe get them a snack or something but at least you can run an errand or at least get a breather good luck
thank you i am glad to know that i am not the only one who thinks that way i have been taking care of my mom for over a year i am single and at this rate that is how i am going to remain as i have no social life sometimes when she is in hospital i wonder what if she does not come home then i feel crappy and guilty for thinking that way like yesterday I was trying to change her diaper and could not get her to understand to turn up she had her head over but her butt was on the bed i got so frustrated I ended up yelling at her then I felt bad i went outside sat in my car and cried .But knew I had to pull it together because there is no back up for me and diapers meds meals and laundry all await good luck
thank you i am glad to know that i am not the only one who thinks that way i have been taking care of my mom for over a year i am single and at this rate that is how i am going to remain as i have no social life sometimes when she is in hospital i wonder what if she does not come home then i feel crappy and guilty for thinking that way like yesterday I was trying to change her diaper and could not get her to understand to turn up she had her head over but her butt was on the bed i got so frustrated I ended up yelling at her then I felt bad i went outside sat in my car and cried .But knew I had to pull it together because there is no back up for me and diapers meds meals and laundry all await good luck
have you thought about having the care giver come but not in uniform or scrubs and just have them come over as a "friend" a few times the first couple of times you would have to stay there but eventually you could say something like 'HEY MOM SINCE ----IS HERE I THINK I WILL GO TO THE POST OFFICE REALLY QUICK ' YOU HAVE TO GET OUT SOME OR YOU ARE GOING TO GET SICK THEN THAT IS GOING TO BE BAD FOR YOU AND YOUR MOM ----REALLY SORRY TO READ THAT YOUR FAMILY IS DOING THAT TO YOU AND YOUR MOTHER GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING
have you thought about having the care giver come but not in uniform or scrubs and just have them come over as a "friend" a few times the first couple of times you would have to stay there but eventually you could say something like 'HEY MOM SINCE ----IS HERE I THINK I WILL GO TO THE POST OFFICE REALLY QUICK ' YOU HAVE TO GET OUT SOME OR YOU ARE GOING TO GET SICK THEN THAT IS GOING TO BE BAD FOR YOU AND YOUR MOM ----REALLY SORRY TO READ THAT YOUR FAMILY IS DOING THAT TO YOU AND YOUR MOTHER GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING
AN IDEA FOR THE STOVE REMOVE THE KNOBS AND i went to a home improvement store and bought a cheap window alarm it cost 9.00 and put it on the entrance door because before when my mother was still mobil i had to worry about her getting up and going out at night and i was afraid I would not hear her THIS LITTLE THING IS LOUD ENOUGH THAT YOU WILL HEAR IT. call council on aging or senior services for volunteer companion services also some churches womens groups do those things as well
AN IDEA FOR THE STOVE REMOVE THE KNOBS AND i went to a home improvement store and bought a cheap window alarm it cost 9.00 and put it on the entrance door because before when my mother was still mobil i had to worry about her getting up and going out at night and i was afraid I would not hear her THIS LITTLE THING IS LOUD ENOUGH THAT YOU WILL HEAR IT. call council on aging or senior services for volunteer companion services also some churches womens groups do those things as well
have you taken your mother to a neurologist my mother has her primary doctor who never really diagnosed the dementia it took her having a seizure to be referred to a neurologist to get the diagnosis my mother has other mental issues but before she was accusing the dog of stealing her glasses and dentures and people were walking in the house and coming out of the tv they put her on aricept and namenda and it has really helped
have you taken your mother to a neurologist my mother has her primary doctor who never really diagnosed the dementia it took her having a seizure to be referred to a neurologist to get the diagnosis my mother has other mental issues but before she was accusing the dog of stealing her glasses and dentures and people were walking in the house and coming out of the tv they put her on aricept and namenda and it has really helped
oh and you can also ask your mothers primary care giver about a low dose of ativan just keep an eye they prescribed .5 mg for my mom it calmed her down but too much all she did was sleep and was really zoned out i gave it to her twice and have decided that it is not a good option for her but it is worth a try
oh and you can also ask your mothers primary care giver about a low dose of ativan just keep an eye they prescribed .5 mg for my mom it calmed her down but too much all she did was sleep and was really zoned out i gave it to her twice and have decided that it is not a good option for her but it is worth a try
sweetgeorgia, my mom has secure horizens thru united healthcare, its a really good ins. u might look into that, also if your mom is eligable for medicade i know of a friend who they pay for someone to come take care her husband and she can pick who she wants, you can ask at the local stateaid offic. my prayers and thoughts are with you God Bless!
sweetgeorgia, my mom has secure horizens thru united healthcare, its a really good ins. u might look into that, also if your mom is eligable for medicade i know of a friend who they pay for someone to come take care her husband and she can pick who she wants, you can ask at the local stateaid offic. my prayers and thoughts are with you God Bless!
alima my mother does have a neurologist who says she has dementia but all the meds he has tried on her makes her worse. also her primary dr. put her on ativan seemed to help with her nerves but other than that her mood, haullucinations and everything else is snowbally fast. everyone just tells me its gonna get worse, and that is scary, i love my mom and would lay down and die for her, but sometimes i think she is going to outlive me as my health is declining, i have to get help to deal with her so i will be around to see my teenagers graduate and see them have a good life! good idea about someone comming in plain clothes instead of uniform it might help anything is worth a try. thanks for being there and sharing! may God Bless you
alima my mother does have a neurologist who says she has dementia but all the meds he has tried on her makes her worse. also her primary dr. put her on ativan seemed to help with her nerves but other than that her mood, haullucinations and everything else is snowbally fast. everyone just tells me its gonna get worse, and that is scary, i love my mom and would lay down and die for her, but sometimes i think she is going to outlive me as my health is declining, i have to get help to deal with her so i will be around to see my teenagers graduate and see them have a good life! good idea about someone comming in plain clothes instead of uniform it might help anything is worth a try. thanks for being there and sharing! may God Bless you
I do know how frustrating it is i have tried so much with my mom and you know your situation is different from mine in that you have kids and you really do need to think about either applying for c.a.p. or putting her in a good facility honestly I know that is not what you want but taking care of her is making you sick and at this rate you are not going to be any help to her or yourself and you have to think about your own children as well you want to be around and be able to enjoy your grand children just look around at different places and then find a good place and just know that you are not putting her someplace to forget about her but somewhere that you can honestly enjoy her you can pick her up on the weekend and go out ore just have lunch with her now and she will have medical care there and then once your own health gets back on track you can decide if you want to leave the arrangement as is or bring her back home if you ever want to talk i am here good luck
I do know how frustrating it is i have tried so much with my mom and you know your situation is different from mine in that you have kids and you really do need to think about either applying for c.a.p. or putting her in a good facility honestly I know that is not what you want but taking care of her is making you sick and at this rate you are not going to be any help to her or yourself and you have to think about your own children as well you want to be around and be able to enjoy your grand children just look around at different places and then find a good place and just know that you are not putting her someplace to forget about her but somewhere that you can honestly enjoy her you can pick her up on the weekend and go out ore just have lunch with her now and she will have medical care there and then once your own health gets back on track you can decide if you want to leave the arrangement as is or bring her back home if you ever want to talk i am here good luck
Thanks for the info I will look into it NOW
Thanks for the info I will look into it NOW