sister's hair just about gone.
Since i took my sister to have her hair cut when it started coming out was the begining of something i thought i was ready for, lord was i wrong. She began wearing scarf's and bandana's and i alway's give her time to herself when she is working(so to speak)on her head. She ask me last night if i wanted to see her head, part of me did and the other part did not, but i did as she had ask me and went in OMG, i thought i was going to faint. I donot care how much you read about what to expect, reading it and seeing it is a big difference. All she has left is the gray hair's, she laughed and said they were pretty tough and we both laughed. She kept saying she was sorry she did not mean to upset me, i was more hurt than upset to see my baby sis in a matter of 4 month's change so much. We still talk about the cancer but not as much as we used to, now it is more about making sure she keep's up with the med's and eating smaller meals more often. The med's are working well, she is not getting ill before or after eating. She is getting a little upset because she start's the second round of chemo in may, at least 8 session's, i told her she will do just as well as she has with this round god willing i believe she will.Well i think i have covered enough for today, i could go on but there is not enough time. God bless you all and my thought's and prayer's are with all of you. Until then take care. Angel.
When my wifes hair was coming out, we had a hair cutting party, and then over the next few days we used a tape lint roller and called it her comb. It did a fantastic job of taking off all the stuble that was trying to hand on and it didn't leave a mess. Oh, and at the hair cutting party, our daughters and grandkids all took turns cutting first my wifes hair and then they took the clippers to me. We were fortunate to be able to face everything head on. Hugs to you all.
I am a big sister too. I think I might do/feel the same. I would rather be going through it myself than my sisters. It sounds like the interaction between you and your sister has changed and it sounds very clinical the way you describe it. I sense that you might want it back the way it was before you saw her without hair. We have an older lady in our church who had a mishap with a wig that was misfitted. It actually came off in church. How embarassed she was. We thenset out to host a "hat shower" for her. We were not sure how she would react, but she was thrilled and got many beautiful appropriate hats and turbans. I mention this as it might be a way for you and your sister to readress the hair issue and she could see that you really do want the best for her. Sounds like she may be young, we worried about that with our lady, but young or old, hair is hair and it is significant to every woman. I hated as a nurse sitting in on conversations of patients and doctors when they said, "the only thing that will happen from this chemo is the loss of hair". It was said rather casually like it wasn't that big of a deal considering the possible effect of the chemo to cure, or slow down the cancer.
I submit that it is a HUGE deal and every woman handles it differently. This is just an idea for you to consider and if I am way off base, I am sorry. Just a thought.
I am a 10 year volunteer with the American Cancer Society and have met many women going through your situation. There is a program sponsored by the Society called "Look Good...Feel Better". The Look Good...Feel Better program is a community-based, free, national service. It teaches female cancer patients beauty tips to look better and feel good about how they look during chemotherapy and radiation treatments. For patients who are unable to go to a group workshop, a free, one-time, individual salon consultation with a volunteer cosmetologist may be available in their area. These trained beauty experts help each patient manage her skin, nail, and hair needs and also help her find ways to feel better about how she looks during treatment. Free self-help materials can be ordered through the Look Good...Feel Better toll-free number, 1-800-395-LOOK (1-800-395-5665). You can also check at http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org/index.htm for more information.
While my grandmother and mother didn't lose all their hair during their treatments they were still very self-conscious about it. The family tried supporting them as much as possible. Once my mom's treatments were over and her hair started coming back it wasn't gray any more. My mom has less gray hair now! In fact I may have more gray hair than she does. Keep the faith.
Dear Angel: Ahhh, how well I remember my hair coming out. I had prayed that I would not lose my hair (although I had been told I would); keeping my hair would be a sign to me that I would make it thru this awful disease/treatment(s). After perhaps a month of chemo, my hair became dry, like straw, and unmanageable; When I washed my face or brushed my teeth, hair would be all over the lavatory; short time later my husband was rubbing my neck/head to help relax me, and he showed me handfuls of hair that were just falling out. Off to the the hairdresser (herself breast cancer survivor 10 years) we went and everyone in the shop watched my transformation; That wasn't so bad sharing my problem but I was an ugly bald lady. So I bought a few polyester turbans in various colors. In cold weather I had to wear warm knit cap underneath it as you lose quite a lot"of body heart from your head and your feet. I wore the turbans when I went out until I got tired of them & I felt that I could do without them. If people stared, I explained why I had no hair. It was quite a shock seeing myself bald and I didn't like it, but it was like a badge of courage. I had done nothing wrong, cancer is a terrible dissease and this is what happens. My sister came to visit about this time and one night before bed I showed her a wispy little bit of fuzz just in front of my ear. The next morning we were in the kitchen getting our coffee, and she looked at me funny; unknown to me, that little wisp of hair had grown about 3/4" overnite and was sticking straight out--horizontally--the only hair on my head. Very quickly my sis said "oh look, Ginny's having a "bad hair day". This cracked us all up and I was so elated. I've neve been happier to have a bad hair day. After that it grew in beautifully, was very curly and came in salt & pepper, which it had not been before. I chose not to wear a wig-I recall one day we went to get my husbands glasses adjusted, and a young girl working there was weaing a cute little cap. She stopped by my chair and whispered "I see we go to the same hairdresser". A sense of humor helps you and those around you relax and accept it so much better. Best wishes to all those who are through this right now; You are in my thoughts and prayers. Through this whole experience, I have learned I look good with very short hair and it's on so easy to take care of. I'm 8 years cancer free.
I can relate, but I was the one that lost the hair, and I tell you I thought I was prepared. NOT!!!! I was ok when a little came out but when I washed it and I had handfulls in my hands that was really devastating. My daughters took it really hard, and I think my hubby and sisters did too, but they held it together for me. I cried and cried and was worried about the hair clogging up the drains, my husband told me to let him worry about the drains, and told me to just come out of the bathroom he would clean up the hair, but I insisted on doing it myself he let me have my cry, but kept reassuring me everything would be ok. One thing that did make me feel better was my daughters telling me I was still beautiful. No matter how my chemo nurses tried and I thougth I was prepared what an experience. I was afraid for my daughters friends to see me so when I went to the school I always wore a hat, til one day one of her teammates(she plays basketball) said Ma take off your hat, we love you, and we don't care about your hair. I can say they have been a great support system for my daughter. Thanks for sharing your stories!!!! Much Love to you all!!!:-)
I had hair past my behind when I learned I had Cancer. I knew I would either loose my hair or I could hope that I wouldn't. I accepted the fact that I had cancer and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I went througth the radiation treatment and started my chemo. My hair didn't start falling out until my fouth treatment. By then I had cut my hair to my shoulders and finally to about two inches. It wasn't so tramatic, although it could have been. It had taken me 15 years to grow my hair that long and I was pretty attached to it. Afterwards I shaved it all off. One day I came to the breakfast table with a towel on my head. Out of habit. My sister looked at me and asked, "Why are you wearing a towel on your head?" I said, "Because my hair is still wet!" We looked at each other and started laughing. We laughed so hard that we started crying. I guess we realized then that a part of me was gone. And I said, "It will be back!" I think that what ever fate deals us, it's usually something we have no power over, so we just accept it and deal with it the best that we can. As the saying goes,"Don't cry over spilled milk."
To start with I am a over a year and a half out in my cancer journey. I knew I was going to lose my long hair. I wanted to have some control over it, but didn't want to shave my hair. I was referred to a wonderful beautician who deals a lot with chemo patients. She looked at my hair to get an idea for the wig she would order and shape for me and discussed the time of cutting my hair. Her salon did have a private area to deal with us chemo patients, so it was just me, her and some family that came with me. That was great for me because I did shed some tears. When it was time, I went to her office, went to the private room and she first put my hair in a pony tail. Then before she cut the pony tail, she was preparing my wig. During this time my almost 9 year old granddaughter braided my pony tail...she always loved playing with my hair. Once the wig was ready, the beautician came to cut off the pony tail. I chose to have my hair about an inch long when it started falling out...and yes I agree you need a good lint brush for the head and any furniture you lean up against with your head when it starts falling out in clumps. She cut above the pony tail holder, so I was left with a braid done by my granddaughter in perfect condition...except it wasn't on my head any longer. (I still have it though in a memory box.) It was one of the most emotional (sad) parts of the entire breast cancer journey to date. She placed the long wig on my head and I left there feeling VERY self conscious. My husband ended up picking out a wig at a wig shop he really liked that was short and bought it for me. And that is the "head" I wore for a year. It looked much more natural than the long one. I always wore a head band to keep it from slipping. My aunt, who is a two time survivor, has had some mishaps in public with her wigs and I didn't want that to happen to me. Around the house I usually wore caps, but in public I had my "head" on. (I didn't like to talk of wigs for some reason and called them my heads.)There were 3 or 4 times when I was sooo sick I just went out with the caps to the MD office, but even then I felt self conscious. I was very lucky. Early on if my husband came home from work and saw me with my "head" on, he would say you're home why do you have that thing on. He always told me he loved my bald head. I second andyh54889's recommendation on the Look Good...Feel Better program. I went to that and got a lot of great advise. And just so you know, one of the other ladies there had 3 grown children. And they all had different reactions to her bald head. One wanted to see her only in a wig, another didn't care what head covering she had, as long as she had something covering her head. The third was perfectly fine with the bald head. So see, three siblings with three different reactions !! So don't feel anything but what you feel about seeing someone bald. And know each of us who have been, or are, bald all have different reactions and often different reactions depending on where we are in our journey or how well we feel on a particular day. I send God's blessings to you because that's the best kind of blessings there is :) And a {{hug}} for both of you :)
To jaybee103's post : I was composing my message as you were writing your's I guess, because your message was not up when I started mine. (I still have "chemo brain" and it takes me a long time to compose thoughts and remember the things that have happened in the past year or so.)When I read your post, it brought back another "hair" memory. I had my first "clumps" of my inch long hair come out in the shower also. I too cried and cried watching all this hair swirling around in the water and sticking all over my body. I too worried about clogged drains!! And I never thought I would get all that hair washed off my body, so that I could get out of that darned shower. I was getting ready to go to the oncologist for labs and had to call and tell them I was going to be late and told them why. They said that's ok, we get the same kind of phone call from others all the time.
And to tavenna: Same with your message it wasn't up yet either. I did the same thing. Old habit's are hard to break. And putting the same amount of shampoo on a bald head as I always did before...then to have no eyebrows or eyelashes to keep it out of my eyes. It burned my eyes like crazy....but I laughed at myself so hard, I had tears of laughter washing the shampoo suds out of my eyes !! See to those who are just starting this journey...some of the things that happen are actually quite funny, even at the time. And they become even more so as you get healthier and reflect back on those memories, that I had forgotten !!
Dear Angel: I remembered when my sister lost her hair, before I went to visit her at my country I was going to shave off my hair but instead I cut it real short, I remember my sister was afraid for me on how I was going to act when I saw her and to my surprise I saw that my sister was even more beautiful without hair, she looked like an angel, so beautiful and sweet, she never wear a wig I bought her many hats all different shades of colors, she was so incredible beautiful and I was so proud of my sister of her courage and now is my turn because I have breast cancer and I will have to go through the same except that my sister is no longer with me. I am very scare of the whole process and I think that the least of my worries is my hair even though I am not pretty at all like my sister was. I though I wanted to share my thoughts, my prayers are with all. God bless you all. Always have FAITH and believe in God, He is great. Love always, Rosie
I cut my hair once. Made such a blunder with razor had to have my head shaved. Felt funny wore hats a few weeks! Much worse to have cancer and feel terrible plus loose your hair. There are essential oils that help restore hair. http://gatewaytowellness.younglivingworld.com and http://oil-testimonials.com/1111516. I took care of several older people with cancer. Their bodies dwindled while their spirits soared!
All of these posts bring tears to my eyes. The gals in our family are doing a 5K run for breast cancer on Mothers Day in Pittsburgh Pa. Then out to breakfast! Even my grandaughters are going. Carly is 17 and in track but Lex is just 12 and I told her I hope she can keep up with me at 65! Tee Hee! There are essential oils that might help with cancer. I had a massage client that swears the massage with the essential oils did it for her. She didn't get any other treatment. I'm not sure I would do that. I think I'd do both but lavender essential oils massaged into the lympth glands around the breast and under the arms helps. Also the bottom of the feet. check out http://oil-testimonials.com/1111516. I use Young Living theraputic grade oils.
Dear Nurse Kay,thank you for the kind word's and advice. I have been taking care of people for 15 year's i am a c.n.a. and i love what i do , i have seen many thing's over the year's in nursing home's and private care. I took care of my mom till she passed 10 year's ago and than we lost our dad about 5 year's later, so yes i guess i do sound clinical sorry just a habit.As for my sister we have alway's been close and alway's there for each other when needed. She had colon cancer 4 year's ago they did surgery and was able to remove all of it and she recovered nicely. We have alway's known that cancer ran on both side's of the family and we knew that it could happen, but yes there is a but(haha) you never think it will happen to you. we get our yearly checkup's, but as it was explained to us this one slipped by, slipped by? how in the world could it have been missed. When she went back because it had become larger she was at stage 3b already.I felt like my heart was breaking for her and myself, so once again i am the caregiver as i have been before and that's just fine with me. I know her better than anyone else and even if she say's nothing i can tell when something is wrong she hate's that i can do that LOL.She is unable to work because of other health problem's so i am the only income. We are lucky enough to have a few friend's that help when they can and we are greatful for that.When her hair started coming out she ask me to take her to get it cut and i did, and i have told her i think she is cute the way she is (she look's just like our dad).We talk about what to expect next and we talk daily. She does'nt like hat's so we went shopping for bandana's and scarf's and even some turben's, she really love's them and i have told she look's great in them, she will not even consider wearing a wig and i respect her wishe's. When she get's upset about the hair being gone i tell her 2 thing's 1. it will grow back and 2.our hair does not define who we are, yes it's being vain but who we truly are come's from within the rest are perk's.My biggest problem is that i am not able to cry, i may start but it is like a switch in me shut's off and that's is that so i go around with these feeling's and seem to be unable to release them and i feel a lot a of emotional pain with very little to no way to release it, does that make sense? As you can tell from my ranting so to speak i don't have too many people to talk about this with. The last time i tried to i was told s... happen's deal with it, and i won't talk to my sister about too much of this i want her to concentrate on getting through the chemo and help me to help her rest, eating well, etc not upset her because i can't find a outlet, she does'nt need that.The chemo is working and the mass has gone down in size, she start's anew round of chemo 8 week's of it may 3rd and then she will have one removed probaly both because of her chance's of it returning if she does not have them both removed. She has already decided to remove them both and reconstrution in about a year. I told her i will stand beside her and any desision she make's. Well i guess i had better go for now thank you again for taking the time to respond and reading this. Sincerely, Angel.
