Just moved MIL in....
I could use some advice before I end up checking myself into the psychiatric ward.
When DH and I got together, MIL and FIL were still married. MIL had just been diagnosed with COPD and heart problems, but was generally healthy. Then, FIL was told he had to stop drinking or die. So, he did. We learned that FIL had been drinking because he couldn’t deal with her being sick and her attitude issues, so he divorced her, the week before our wedding.
FIL made a promise that he would take care of her, and make sure she kept the house, had food, and bills paid. After all, they’d been together for 25 years. Yeah. When the divorce went to court, suddenly FIL was broke and his self owned business suddenly had no money. So, there went the agreements.
So, MIL lost her house. DH and I got her section 8 government housing, food stamps, and SSI, so she’d have her independence and still be able to live in the city.
MIL made a series of bad decisions, and we eventually had to bring her to live with us. It’s evident from her behavior in the last three places she lived that she cannot live on her own without making horrible decisions, for example, allowing less than savory characters to live with and mooch off her. Her health is also declining.
We moved to a larger apartment and moved her in too. It's either this, or she goes on the street. We’ll have her for up to 10 years, according to her doctor.
She's driving us crazy. For someone with supposed lung problems, she can talk for 8 hours straight. I’ve seen it. After 30 minutes, I want to shove an ice pick in my ear. You can’t get a word in edgewise. And if you get up and walk away, she’ll just follow you and keep talking. Due to her illness, she has a high pitched voice that sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
She has no concept of privacy. None. Once, I came home with a wicked migraine. I literally walked in the door, dropped my cell phone, purse and keys on the table, whispered that I had a migraine and went into the bedroom to go lay in the dark quiet. The second I got in the door, she started talking to me. I explained I had a migraine and didn’t want to talk, that I’d be out later. She followed me through the house, still talking, and followed me into the bedroom, still talking as I pulled the covers over my head. I finally had to rudely tell her to go away. She did.
That goes to another issue. She insists on being the center of attention and included in everything. If I go out and don’t take her with me, even if it’s something she has no business being at, she tells my husband that I hate her. If I don’t come in from work and immediately fawn over her with a huge smile on my face, I hate her. If I go for some peace and quiet in my bedroom, I hate her. If DH and I go out together somewhere as a couple and don’t take her, we hate her. See where it’s going?
She also LOVES to start conflict. If she can get someone riled up, she will in a heartbeat. She will purposely press DH's buttons so he'll get angry and then she goes immediately into poor me mode. She claims nobody loves her, and everyone hates her.
We have NO support from his family whatsoever. His brother told us that she's nuts and he doesn't want his daughter around her, and he can't handle her. She did stay with him for three days and drove him and his wife crazy. His brother won't come down and even take her to lunch for a few hours so DH and I can have peace in our own home.
Her sister is rich, married to a nuclear engineer, and won't call or come by. She lives out of state, was 2 counties away for a week, but never came by. When I called her, she had every excuse in the book.
One of her brothers is in jail, and the other one is too scatterbrained to care.
We have no support. I don't know what to do. She's too well for a home, but too sick to live on her own. Our sanity is receding fast. We've tried to talk to her doctors about her mental health and they blow us off. I even wrote them certified letters and we're being ignored.
Any clue where I can turn? I love my husband and I want to support him as much as I can.
Just moved MIL in....
I could use some advice before I end up checking myself into the psychiatric ward.
When DH and I got together, MIL and FIL were still married. MIL had just been diagnosed with COPD and heart problems, but was generally healthy. Then, FIL was told he had to stop drinking or die. So, he did. We learned that FIL had been drinking because he couldn’t deal with her being sick and her attitude issues, so he divorced her, the week before our wedding.
FIL made a promise that he would take care of her, and make sure she kept the house, had food, and bills paid. After all, they’d been together for 25 years. Yeah. When the divorce went to court, suddenly FIL was broke and his self owned business suddenly had no money. So, there went the agreements.
So, MIL lost her house. DH and I got her section 8 government housing, food stamps, and SSI, so she’d have her independence and still be able to live in the city.
MIL made a series of bad decisions, and we eventually had to bring her to live with us. It’s evident from her behavior in the last three places she lived that she cannot live on her own without making horrible decisions, for example, allowing less than savory characters to live with and mooch off her. Her health is also declining.
We moved to a larger apartment and moved her in too. It's either this, or she goes on the street. We’ll have her for up to 10 years, according to her doctor.
She's driving us crazy. For someone with supposed lung problems, she can talk for 8 hours straight. I’ve seen it. After 30 minutes, I want to shove an ice pick in my ear. You can’t get a word in edgewise. And if you get up and walk away, she’ll just follow you and keep talking. Due to her illness, she has a high pitched voice that sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
She has no concept of privacy. None. Once, I came home with a wicked migraine. I literally walked in the door, dropped my cell phone, purse and keys on the table, whispered that I had a migraine and went into the bedroom to go lay in the dark quiet. The second I got in the door, she started talking to me. I explained I had a migraine and didn’t want to talk, that I’d be out later. She followed me through the house, still talking, and followed me into the bedroom, still talking as I pulled the covers over my head. I finally had to rudely tell her to go away. She did.
That goes to another issue. She insists on being the center of attention and included in everything. If I go out and don’t take her with me, even if it’s something she has no business being at, she tells my husband that I hate her. If I don’t come in from work and immediately fawn over her with a huge smile on my face, I hate her. If I go for some peace and quiet in my bedroom, I hate her. If DH and I go out together somewhere as a couple and don’t take her, we hate her. See where it’s going?
She also LOVES to start conflict. If she can get someone riled up, she will in a heartbeat. She will purposely press DH's buttons so he'll get angry and then she goes immediately into poor me mode. She claims nobody loves her, and everyone hates her.
We have NO support from his family whatsoever. His brother told us that she's nuts and he doesn't want his daughter around her, and he can't handle her. She did stay with him for three days and drove him and his wife crazy. His brother won't come down and even take her to lunch for a few hours so DH and I can have peace in our own home.
Her sister is rich, married to a nuclear engineer, and won't call or come by. She lives out of state, was 2 counties away for a week, but never came by. When I called her, she had every excuse in the book.
One of her brothers is in jail, and the other one is too scatterbrained to care.
We have no support. I don't know what to do. She's too well for a home, but too sick to live on her own. Our sanity is receding fast. We've tried to talk to her doctors about her mental health and they blow us off. I even wrote them certified letters and we're being ignored.
Any clue where I can turn? I love my husband and I want to support him as much as I can.
