death of husband
"I am 76 years old and in November 2010 I lost the love of my life when he was 82. I read about all the usual remedies for dealing with grief, but at my age, I find it hard to figure out just what I really could or want to do. I was pretty independent during our long (56 years) marriage and I'm not falling apart due to having to make all decisions, handling bills, etc. that many widows face. But the finality of his death, the memories of all we had together just overwhelm me at times. Music that we enjoyed over the years just brings on more tears. Dining out with family when he's not among us is almost unbearable. I just don't know what or how to get on with whatever time I have left. Taking it day by day seems like a waste, yet I have no real interests anymore. Any suggestions?"
death of husband
"I am 76 years old and in November 2010 I lost the love of my life when he was 82. I read about all the usual remedies for dealing with grief, but at my age, I find it hard to figure out just what I really could or want to do. I was pretty independent during our long (56 years) marriage and I'm not falling apart due to having to make all decisions, handling bills, etc. that many widows face. But the finality of his death, the memories of all we had together just overwhelm me at times. Music that we enjoyed over the years just brings on more tears. Dining out with family when he's not among us is almost unbearable. I just don't know what or how to get on with whatever time I have left. Taking it day by day seems like a waste, yet I have no real interests anymore. Any suggestions?"
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.
Please cut yourself some slack; it sounds like you actually are coping very well. You lost the love of your life only a month ago. Grief is a drawn-out process. It's natural that so many things bring you sorrow right now. Eventually, that sorrow when you play your favorite music will be replaced by wistfulness, and then by the joy of having memories to keep your husband's spirit alive. But it takes time.
Have you considered getting some grief counseling? A skilled counselor can help you understand and process the overwhelming (and normal) emotions you're feeling right now. If you don't know how to find someone, try checking with your church, city senior affairs department, or a local hospice provider. Any of them should be able to refer you to someone.
Taking things "day by day" is the only way. It is normal for you to feel you have lost interest in everyday life. Hang in there! You sound like a strong woman, and you will get through this.
Warm regards, Elizabeth Shean
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.
Please cut yourself some slack; it sounds like you actually are coping very well. You lost the love of your life only a month ago. Grief is a drawn-out process. It's natural that so many things bring you sorrow right now. Eventually, that sorrow when you play your favorite music will be replaced by wistfulness, and then by the joy of having memories to keep your husband's spirit alive. But it takes time.
Have you considered getting some grief counseling? A skilled counselor can help you understand and process the overwhelming (and normal) emotions you're feeling right now. If you don't know how to find someone, try checking with your church, city senior affairs department, or a local hospice provider. Any of them should be able to refer you to someone.
Taking things "day by day" is the only way. It is normal for you to feel you have lost interest in everyday life. Hang in there! You sound like a strong woman, and you will get through this.
Warm regards, Elizabeth Shean
Thank you for your kind words and insight. I have grieved for parents and other relatives but nothing has impacted me the way the loss of my husband has. It's just so hard. I will take your advice and seek some counseling. The hospice organization that was with him for the last month will have a counselor on staff, I know, and perhaps he or she can help me. I found a saying recently that says "If God is your copilot, swap seats". So, I have done that. He also holds the "stopwatch" in the race called life, and He will direct me in the path that is right for me. Knowing this and fully accepting it in my heart is going to take time but I'll work on it. Thanks again for your prayers, too.
Thank you for your kind words and insight. I have grieved for parents and other relatives but nothing has impacted me the way the loss of my husband has. It's just so hard. I will take your advice and seek some counseling. The hospice organization that was with him for the last month will have a counselor on staff, I know, and perhaps he or she can help me. I found a saying recently that says "If God is your copilot, swap seats". So, I have done that. He also holds the "stopwatch" in the race called life, and He will direct me in the path that is right for me. Knowing this and fully accepting it in my heart is going to take time but I'll work on it. Thanks again for your prayers, too.
Hospice does have grief counseling and will provide help for a year after a loved one's death.
I agree with Elizabeth, this is still a very recent loss and you appear to be coping very well. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I would definitely get in touch with the hospice grief counselor. If nothing else, having someone you are able to talk to should help.
I'm sending a big cyber hug to you.
Hospice does have grief counseling and will provide help for a year after a loved one's death.
I agree with Elizabeth, this is still a very recent loss and you appear to be coping very well. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I would definitely get in touch with the hospice grief counselor. If nothing else, having someone you are able to talk to should help.
I'm sending a big cyber hug to you.
all hugs, candles, and encouragements are gladly received and acknowledged. Many thanks to you all. I'll let you know how things go from time to time. I know I'm a strong person but even Goliath had his weak spot...I have mine, too. Hugs to you all, too.
all hugs, candles, and encouragements are gladly received and acknowledged. Many thanks to you all. I'll let you know how things go from time to time. I know I'm a strong person but even Goliath had his weak spot...I have mine, too. Hugs to you all, too.
Hoping you got through the holiday weekend ok.
Hoping you got through the holiday weekend ok.
Thinking of you, Friendma! (((hugs)))
Thinking of you, Friendma! (((hugs)))