My 90 year old mother has "mild cognitive dementia", athritis, colon problems and renal failure. She has been living alone - my brother lives next door. They have a signal - blinds come up in the morning to let him know she is up and okay. She has a life alert necklace.our safety net). She refuses to use her walker/cane to get around the house-she walks holding onto pieces of furniture - refuses to accept that the walker/cain may prevent her from failing. My sister calls her several times a day.
Two weeks ago my brother came in from work, the blinds were down, newpapers still on the porch., window A/c unit not on...he found her laying on the floor in her bedroom - terrible bruise on her arm and below her eye (she had hit her night stand). Evidently she had been there all day......my sister had called her several times between 10 and 2 - my mother told her she was laying down (did not mention she was on the floor), mother did not use her life alert button (which was around her neck).
Doctors and family say she cannot leave alone, we found a room in a rehab facaility that is close to home and that we know. When I got her there to check in, Mother refused to get out of the car, she wanted to go home, she would walk if I wouldn't take her, put her hands over her ears, told her facility employees to "shut up", etc. After an hour or so she argreed to go inside. We had told her they would help build her strength up, etc. For about 10 days she did great, ate well, did her rehab, able to walk in the halls with her walker. She was in a private room so she had her "space, her skin was rosy, eyes clear, etc.
Today into the 3rd week: she refuses to eat/drink...over the weekend she ate less that a tablespoon of food..she is weak - cannot get out of the wheelchair to the toilet, can barely stand to put her gown on at bedtime, will not talk, skin is shollow, dark circles under her eyes.
My mother has always been somewhat difficult and stubborn. She has given up because she cannot go home. My brother, sister and I have to work (I live 180 miles away-but always have gone home to my my share), we are hestitant of live in help because they may/may not show up, her house is in a rural area, neighbors are not close and those who are work. The facility is one f the best in the area. We have such peace with her being there. It it 10 miles from my sister and niece and 16 miles from my brother.
What do we do? We realize that she is depressed, she has been on meds for some time for despression. We are calling today to get an appointment with her long time medical doctor.
Any advice is welcomed.
My 90 year old mother has "mild cognitive dementia", athritis, colon problems and renal failure. She has been living alone - my brother lives next door. They have a signal - blinds come up in the morning to let him know she is up and okay. She has a life alert necklace.our safety net). She refuses to use her walker/cane to get around the house-she walks holding onto pieces of furniture - refuses to accept that the walker/cain may prevent her from failing. My sister calls her several times a day.
Two weeks ago my brother came in from work, the blinds were down, newpapers still on the porch., window A/c unit not on...he found her laying on the floor in her bedroom - terrible bruise on her arm and below her eye (she had hit her night stand). Evidently she had been there all day......my sister had called her several times between 10 and 2 - my mother told her she was laying down (did not mention she was on the floor), mother did not use her life alert button (which was around her neck).
Doctors and family say she cannot leave alone, we found a room in a rehab facaility that is close to home and that we know. When I got her there to check in, Mother refused to get out of the car, she wanted to go home, she would walk if I wouldn't take her, put her hands over her ears, told her facility employees to "shut up", etc. After an hour or so she argreed to go inside. We had told her they would help build her strength up, etc. For about 10 days she did great, ate well, did her rehab, able to walk in the halls with her walker. She was in a private room so she had her "space, her skin was rosy, eyes clear, etc.
Today into the 3rd week: she refuses to eat/drink...over the weekend she ate less that a tablespoon of food..she is weak - cannot get out of the wheelchair to the toilet, can barely stand to put her gown on at bedtime, will not talk, skin is shollow, dark circles under her eyes.
My mother has always been somewhat difficult and stubborn. She has given up because she cannot go home. My brother, sister and I have to work (I live 180 miles away-but always have gone home to my my share), we are hestitant of live in help because they may/may not show up, her house is in a rural area, neighbors are not close and those who are work. The facility is one f the best in the area. We have such peace with her being there. It it 10 miles from my sister and niece and 16 miles from my brother.
What do we do? We realize that she is depressed, she has been on meds for some time for despression. We are calling today to get an appointment with her long time medical doctor.
Any advice is welcomed.
Hello wky,
Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm really glad you joined us.
I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is having such difficulties. My dad spent about a month in a rehab facility a few years ago and the range of emotions he went through (that ultimately caused physical issues) was something I was unprepared for.
The thing that strikes me about your mom is how suddenly this came on. Did something happen? Did she have a bad experience? Did someone say something to her? Is she suddenly under the impression she isn't working towards leaving? My advice would be to talk to her, making sure you're all on her side to make this work for her so that she can be safe.
I also think you're on the right track with talking with her doctor. I would also talk to the people at the rehab. Make sure they know her decline is very sudden. I can't help but to shake the feeling that this has a medical cause rather than her giving up. And if it is truly emotional, I'm hoping there are counselors who can help her cope.
Hopefully someone else has additional advice. In the meantime, keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you and your family.
Hello wky,
Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm really glad you joined us.
I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is having such difficulties. My dad spent about a month in a rehab facility a few years ago and the range of emotions he went through (that ultimately caused physical issues) was something I was unprepared for.
The thing that strikes me about your mom is how suddenly this came on. Did something happen? Did she have a bad experience? Did someone say something to her? Is she suddenly under the impression she isn't working towards leaving? My advice would be to talk to her, making sure you're all on her side to make this work for her so that she can be safe.
I also think you're on the right track with talking with her doctor. I would also talk to the people at the rehab. Make sure they know her decline is very sudden. I can't help but to shake the feeling that this has a medical cause rather than her giving up. And if it is truly emotional, I'm hoping there are counselors who can help her cope.
Hopefully someone else has additional advice. In the meantime, keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you and your family.
Hello, wky,
I'm very glad you've found us and posted here. I agree with Missy, sounds like something has triggered her into thinking there's no hope or something like that. Do speak with her doctor and the staff and see if they noticed something that you haven't been able to.
Please keep us updated!
Hello, wky,
I'm very glad you've found us and posted here. I agree with Missy, sounds like something has triggered her into thinking there's no hope or something like that. Do speak with her doctor and the staff and see if they noticed something that you haven't been able to.
Please keep us updated!
wky- update on my mother: she was admitted to the hospital - she has Pancreatitis and is dehaydrated. She is getting fluids and is talking with family members. So it does not look like she has given up. We will keep our fingers crossed. Thanks for the feedback.
wky- update on my mother: she was admitted to the hospital - she has Pancreatitis and is dehaydrated. She is getting fluids and is talking with family members. So it does not look like she has given up. We will keep our fingers crossed. Thanks for the feedback.
Hi Wky,
I'm sorry she is ill, but it's good to know there was another reason for her behavior. Hang in there!
Hi Wky,
I'm sorry she is ill, but it's good to know there was another reason for her behavior. Hang in there!
Oh no, wky! I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is ill! But I'm really hoping for you, and her, that recovery from the pancreatitis will brighten her outlook and renew her strength. Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you.
Oh no, wky! I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is ill! But I'm really hoping for you, and her, that recovery from the pancreatitis will brighten her outlook and renew her strength. Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you.
Good news!!!
My mother is back at the rehab facility and is doing so much better. I am so glad we took her to the hospital as it turned out she was very sick. She is eating, being sociable, even went to church service at the facility. She has told us that we do not have to visit everyday, that she is okay, she knows she has to be where she is, they are good to her, etc.
It is like "who is this lady and where is my Mother"!?
Tomorrow may be a different day, but for now all is well with her world.
Thanks for you support.
Kay
ting
Good news!!!
My mother is back at the rehab facility and is doing so much better. I am so glad we took her to the hospital as it turned out she was very sick. She is eating, being sociable, even went to church service at the facility. She has told us that we do not have to visit everyday, that she is okay, she knows she has to be where she is, they are good to her, etc.
It is like "who is this lady and where is my Mother"!?
Tomorrow may be a different day, but for now all is well with her world.
Thanks for you support.
Kay
ting
Kay, that's wonderful news! Thank you SO much for the update! While I'm sorry your mom was sick, what a relief it must be to you and your family that there was a reason for her attitude. How fantastic she's "back"!
Kay, that's wonderful news! Thank you SO much for the update! While I'm sorry your mom was sick, what a relief it must be to you and your family that there was a reason for her attitude. How fantastic she's "back"!
UPDATE ON MY MOM:
We have moved Mother into an Assisted Living Facility!!!!!!! She is doing very well.
Thanks so much for your support during these!
UPDATE ON MY MOM:
We have moved Mother into an Assisted Living Facility!!!!!!! She is doing very well.
Thanks so much for your support during these!