Oh, Skylar! Please know that you are not alone. So many people who have read this will keep you in their thoughts and prayers.

I went through the end of life with my dad. It's nothing like going through this with a spouse. Don't hesitate to reach out to your support network. As you said, you need practical, skilled help at night to meet hubby's needs, so use your support network to help YOU get through this terrible time on an emotional level. Allow your friends to take you to lunch and bring you casseroles for dinner. Accept these ministrations graciously. You deserve them!

Like you, I was quite afraid of caring for my dad during his final days. It wasn't always easy, but it was rewarding. Again, it's completely different for a spouse. In general, you can expect the end days to be quite peaceful. Feel free to spend this time with your spouse; he may not be able to respond but will appreciate your whispers in his ear about how much you love and care about him. Consider giving him permission to leave you. Let him know his child will be well cared for and will grow up "knowing" his/her dad. That will mean a lot to your husband.

Please look after your own health as much as possible. You cannot save your husband, but you must be healthy to carry on with your child. Do not feel selfish for meeting your own needs at this terrible time.

Sending you healing thoughts and peace, Elizabeth Shean

Oh, Skylar! Please know that you are not alone. So many people who have read this will keep you in their thoughts and prayers.

I went through the end of life with my dad. It's nothing like going through this with a spouse. Don't hesitate to reach out to your support network. As you said, you need practical, skilled help at night to meet hubby's needs, so use your support network to help YOU get through this terrible time on an emotional level. Allow your friends to take you to lunch and bring you casseroles for dinner. Accept these ministrations graciously. You deserve them!

Like you, I was quite afraid of caring for my dad during his final days. It wasn't always easy, but it was rewarding. Again, it's completely different for a spouse. In general, you can expect the end days to be quite peaceful. Feel free to spend this time with your spouse; he may not be able to respond but will appreciate your whispers in his ear about how much you love and care about him. Consider giving him permission to leave you. Let him know his child will be well cared for and will grow up "knowing" his/her dad. That will mean a lot to your husband.

Please look after your own health as much as possible. You cannot save your husband, but you must be healthy to carry on with your child. Do not feel selfish for meeting your own needs at this terrible time.

Sending you healing thoughts and peace, Elizabeth Shean

Hi Skylar, It is the hardest thing I ever went through, My husband and I were stayed in Hospice for his last 2 weeks, because I was scared too,I didn't know how to help him, and what to do... the nurses in Hospice were with us everyday and every minute when he needed them , Nobody should do this alone, Have you heared of the book , called: Crossing the creek by Michael Holmes this is the website, http://crossingthecreek.com/about_ctc.htm or you can Google it he says Dying is a process, and you can read every step of what the dying person goes through I hope it can help you understand, It helped me lots of love, be strong

Hi Skylar, It is the hardest thing I ever went through, My husband and I were stayed in Hospice for his last 2 weeks, because I was scared too,I didn't know how to help him, and what to do... the nurses in Hospice were with us everyday and every minute when he needed them , Nobody should do this alone, Have you heared of the book , called: Crossing the creek by Michael Holmes this is the website, http://crossingthecreek.com/about_ctc.htm or you can Google it he says Dying is a process, and you can read every step of what the dying person goes through I hope it can help you understand, It helped me lots of love, be strong

Hi Skylar, I went through this with hospice, my Mom died Oct. 30. I started hospice at home, but she died at the Hospice House so there were professionals around and the difference is when it is over you just walk out, as opposed to all this happening at home. The worst thing about it all is wondering how it will end. You will get through it fine you are doing all the things you should be doing and you are a blessing to him. I just kept remembering what the doctor said once which was the goal is to give your loved one a good death, and that helped me through at the time it was happening. Keep coming back to this site and give us updates, we'll help you through, I know it is not fun but you have your child, and that is going to make all the difference in a positive way that will help your bereavement process.

Hi Skylar, I went through this with hospice, my Mom died Oct. 30. I started hospice at home, but she died at the Hospice House so there were professionals around and the difference is when it is over you just walk out, as opposed to all this happening at home. The worst thing about it all is wondering how it will end. You will get through it fine you are doing all the things you should be doing and you are a blessing to him. I just kept remembering what the doctor said once which was the goal is to give your loved one a good death, and that helped me through at the time it was happening. Keep coming back to this site and give us updates, we'll help you through, I know it is not fun but you have your child, and that is going to make all the difference in a positive way that will help your bereavement process.

Dear skylar,

I wrote you before I'm joan. I was in a similar situation as you husband dying of cancer three year son, kevin. This time is one of hardest. Hug your son, be there for your hubby to try to comfort him let the hospice do their thing. They are there for you honey. You can do this and god won't leave you alone. You have to care for yourself to help you in caring for your boy. MY boy is 20 now and he is such a blessing to me as yours will be. He looks after me and it's all good. Hw kept me going as Ted was drying. I will pray for you and send a hug your way. I promise it will get better. Now just plain sucks. When you allow yourself to let go of your hubby you'll feel a great sense of relief, then you wrap yourself in your little one. He needs you and you will be there for him and to care for your greatest blessing from your dying hubby,his son. It's ok to cry. But please remember to smile too. Your son is full of life and you can benefit from that honey. joan hux My husband slipped into a coma the last two days. He didn't have any pain anymore. take care.

Dear skylar,

I wrote you before I'm joan. I was in a similar situation as you husband dying of cancer three year son, kevin. This time is one of hardest. Hug your son, be there for your hubby to try to comfort him let the hospice do their thing. They are there for you honey. You can do this and god won't leave you alone. You have to care for yourself to help you in caring for your boy. MY boy is 20 now and he is such a blessing to me as yours will be. He looks after me and it's all good. Hw kept me going as Ted was drying. I will pray for you and send a hug your way. I promise it will get better. Now just plain sucks. When you allow yourself to let go of your hubby you'll feel a great sense of relief, then you wrap yourself in your little one. He needs you and you will be there for him and to care for your greatest blessing from your dying hubby,his son. It's ok to cry. But please remember to smile too. Your son is full of life and you can benefit from that honey. joan hux My husband slipped into a coma the last two days. He didn't have any pain anymore. take care.

hello skylar... i am sooo incredibly sorry for what you are going through... I am currently in the same situation with my mom.. who has been on hospice 3 weeks and it has been so hard.. so brutal.. im 28 ..my mom is 61... watching her deteriate has been so difficult.. and my thoughts and prayers are with you and with all of you who have gone through such a difficult journey. Giving mhy mom the gift of Hospice was a difficult decision... but i know she would want to pass with dignity at home.. and my hope is this is much more diffiicult on my father and myselt than on her.. she has been in a deep sleep the past 2 days.. and has that gurgly breathing... we have around the clock care right now cause we just werent able to sustain ourselves doing her meds alll day and night.. and she had a seizure last saturday which scared us terribly.. she did rally tho a week a go and came back to us which was a gift from God.. because we were able to talk and have some laughs and lots of love. Definitely lean on your friends/family/support group.. I have found through this awful time.. the humanity and goodness of people has been overwhelming and truly a blessing for us. :)... I am going to get Crossing the Creek today.. This is the second time i have heard it recommended .. so I am going to get it. love and hugs to all xo- Mandee

hello skylar... i am sooo incredibly sorry for what you are going through... I am currently in the same situation with my mom.. who has been on hospice 3 weeks and it has been so hard.. so brutal.. im 28 ..my mom is 61... watching her deteriate has been so difficult.. and my thoughts and prayers are with you and with all of you who have gone through such a difficult journey. Giving mhy mom the gift of Hospice was a difficult decision... but i know she would want to pass with dignity at home.. and my hope is this is much more diffiicult on my father and myselt than on her.. she has been in a deep sleep the past 2 days.. and has that gurgly breathing... we have around the clock care right now cause we just werent able to sustain ourselves doing her meds alll day and night.. and she had a seizure last saturday which scared us terribly.. she did rally tho a week a go and came back to us which was a gift from God.. because we were able to talk and have some laughs and lots of love. Definitely lean on your friends/family/support group.. I have found through this awful time.. the humanity and goodness of people has been overwhelming and truly a blessing for us. :)... I am going to get Crossing the Creek today.. This is the second time i have heard it recommended .. so I am going to get it. love and hugs to all xo- Mandee

Dear Skylar,

My heart goes out to you! I've gone through this with my Mom and brother-in-law. I'm very proud of you for reaching out and asking for help. You need to take care of yourself so you can care for your hubby and child. With my Mom, we were able to get 24 hour Hospice for the last few days. You might ask your Hospice nurse if that's possible, That way, you can rest assured that he's in good hands when you're not there.

There's nothing wrong with being scared. There is another book called "Final Gifts" that is written by Hospice nurses. The nurses found that when they talked about their experiences they were very similar. I know you don't have time to read a book right now, but in essence, the end is peaceful, there is no pain. Telling him it's OK to leave you is also recommended.

Just love him, accept help and know that you are doing the right thing.

Big hugs.

Dear Skylar,

My heart goes out to you! I've gone through this with my Mom and brother-in-law. I'm very proud of you for reaching out and asking for help. You need to take care of yourself so you can care for your hubby and child. With my Mom, we were able to get 24 hour Hospice for the last few days. You might ask your Hospice nurse if that's possible, That way, you can rest assured that he's in good hands when you're not there.

There's nothing wrong with being scared. There is another book called "Final Gifts" that is written by Hospice nurses. The nurses found that when they talked about their experiences they were very similar. I know you don't have time to read a book right now, but in essence, the end is peaceful, there is no pain. Telling him it's OK to leave you is also recommended.

Just love him, accept help and know that you are doing the right thing.

Big hugs.

Hello Skylar,

I am currently a caregiver who is dealing with End of Life issues with my patient. I too am going through anxiety knowing that my patient may pass away at anytime. I was flown out from California by my current employer to live with and take care of her dying mother and her property. It was a big decision for me to move out to VA. Her mother was diagnosed by her primary physician to "PASS AWAY IN HER SLEEP COME SPRINGTIME of 2009". Because of constant prayer every night, being vigilant about her personal sanitation and being sensitive to her unending needs, she has now surpassed that deadline and its DEC 2010. Although, witnessing her slowly deteriorating health condition since I started, caused me my own stress health issues as I have grown attached to her. I have noticed that to ease my anticipation anxiety issues, I PRAY together with the help of faith based Christians. Pray with HIM EVERYTIME you can...read the bible scriptures by his side everyday. It will help soothe you from within. Email me at martee703@hotmail.com if you like. I will pray for you both.

Hello Skylar,

I am currently a caregiver who is dealing with End of Life issues with my patient. I too am going through anxiety knowing that my patient may pass away at anytime. I was flown out from California by my current employer to live with and take care of her dying mother and her property. It was a big decision for me to move out to VA. Her mother was diagnosed by her primary physician to "PASS AWAY IN HER SLEEP COME SPRINGTIME of 2009". Because of constant prayer every night, being vigilant about her personal sanitation and being sensitive to her unending needs, she has now surpassed that deadline and its DEC 2010. Although, witnessing her slowly deteriorating health condition since I started, caused me my own stress health issues as I have grown attached to her. I have noticed that to ease my anticipation anxiety issues, I PRAY together with the help of faith based Christians. Pray with HIM EVERYTIME you can...read the bible scriptures by his side everyday. It will help soothe you from within. Email me at martee703@hotmail.com if you like. I will pray for you both.

Thank you all. I appreciate all of the advice and support. I am doing better now. I have hired someome to come in for the night shift (10 pm til 7am) and then I take over. We had the nurse put in a catherter on Sat and it made a world of difference. Yesterday he was awake most of the time and I got to hold him and he told me he loved me and I said I love you too and always will. He knows he does not have much longer and I know it too. Today he has been sleeping a lot. Sadly, it looks like the kidneys are failing and it looks like he is starting to get jaundice. We put a stint in his liver to keep the bile from going into the body because the tumors were covering the opening from the liver to the small intestine, so i do not know why that is happening. The nurses say it is his body shutting down and the best thing is to keep him comfortable. I am glad he is sleeping. I am keeping a watchful eye on him and making sure he is OK. It is not easy and my heart goes out to all of you that are or have gone through this. I am sending you all hugs and healing prayers. Take care and I will keep you posted :) Renee'

Thank you all. I appreciate all of the advice and support. I am doing better now. I have hired someome to come in for the night shift (10 pm til 7am) and then I take over. We had the nurse put in a catherter on Sat and it made a world of difference. Yesterday he was awake most of the time and I got to hold him and he told me he loved me and I said I love you too and always will. He knows he does not have much longer and I know it too. Today he has been sleeping a lot. Sadly, it looks like the kidneys are failing and it looks like he is starting to get jaundice. We put a stint in his liver to keep the bile from going into the body because the tumors were covering the opening from the liver to the small intestine, so i do not know why that is happening. The nurses say it is his body shutting down and the best thing is to keep him comfortable. I am glad he is sleeping. I am keeping a watchful eye on him and making sure he is OK. It is not easy and my heart goes out to all of you that are or have gone through this. I am sending you all hugs and healing prayers. Take care and I will keep you posted :) Renee'

Thank you. So far so good, Renee'

Thank you. So far so good, Renee'

I experienced the last stages with both my Aunt and my mom. In caring for my Aunt at home with Hospice, we lived on one side of the house and mom and her sister lived on the other so we relied on an intercom system which we could leave "open" so we could go to bed to sleep yet still hear my Aunt when she woke or requested anything. She too began to want to be up nights and sleep days which I assumed was meds. Hospice was able to let us know as things progressed so we were able to prepare ourselves for the end and how close it might be. A bed became available her last week and was transferred to a hospice facility for her final days. This was truly the biggest gift to a caregiver under Hospice I can think of to be able to transfer the patient to a Hospice Home. That is where the care of the family as well as the patient really shines. Check with your Hospice rep and see if this might not be an option for you since you are exhaused and have a little one as well. They truly take over and it is a comfort to the family and caregiver to know their loved one is in the hands of very loving staff....it finally gives you the remaining days to have a chance to spending quality time not caregiving time with your loved one. I also speak from recent experience from my momo passing 4 months ago. She went into the hospital with a stroke on Sun. By Fri she was moved to Hospice and passed away on Tues at complete peace. I too was also able to be with her as a daughter to see her off on her final journey rather than in the primary caregiver role at such a crucial time. I can't say enough about the Hospice Homes....I would suggest them over Hospice at home if you are able to make such a choice. Hugs to you.

I experienced the last stages with both my Aunt and my mom. In caring for my Aunt at home with Hospice, we lived on one side of the house and mom and her sister lived on the other so we relied on an intercom system which we could leave "open" so we could go to bed to sleep yet still hear my Aunt when she woke or requested anything. She too began to want to be up nights and sleep days which I assumed was meds. Hospice was able to let us know as things progressed so we were able to prepare ourselves for the end and how close it might be. A bed became available her last week and was transferred to a hospice facility for her final days. This was truly the biggest gift to a caregiver under Hospice I can think of to be able to transfer the patient to a Hospice Home. That is where the care of the family as well as the patient really shines. Check with your Hospice rep and see if this might not be an option for you since you are exhaused and have a little one as well. They truly take over and it is a comfort to the family and caregiver to know their loved one is in the hands of very loving staff....it finally gives you the remaining days to have a chance to spending quality time not caregiving time with your loved one. I also speak from recent experience from my momo passing 4 months ago. She went into the hospital with a stroke on Sun. By Fri she was moved to Hospice and passed away on Tues at complete peace. I too was also able to be with her as a daughter to see her off on her final journey rather than in the primary caregiver role at such a crucial time. I can't say enough about the Hospice Homes....I would suggest them over Hospice at home if you are able to make such a choice. Hugs to you.

Hospice also puts out a little blue booklet describing the end of life stages as the body begins to transition. It was invaluable in preparing me for the changes so I was better able to identify how close Mom was to passing and the staff were very informative on each visit as to her progress. I can't say enough about the staff at Hospice Home.

Hospice also puts out a little blue booklet describing the end of life stages as the body begins to transition. It was invaluable in preparing me for the changes so I was better able to identify how close Mom was to passing and the staff were very informative on each visit as to her progress. I can't say enough about the staff at Hospice Home.

hi Skylar I read all the responses here and marvel at our ability to go through this tough time. All the advice and suggestions above are absolutely marvelous and I am in gratitude to all who responded. I am English, living her in NY looking after my 94 yr old M-i-L with my husband. My mother, who died at the age of 68, was diagnosed with secondary cancer after 14 years of remission from breast cancer and the following mastectomies. After the consultant told me (mam didn't want to know the prognosis)she had 3 months to live, we agreed that she would come to live with me.

They were the hardest and the most rewarding days of our relationship. I don't know your employment situation, so don't know what you are available to do, but I was made redundant (let go) from my full-time job the week after my mother was diagnosed. It was very scary but it was also a God-send. I was able to spend that time with her.

I arranged that she would sleep in a room next to the living room - not in a bedroom, I did not need to go up and down stairs to look after her. I arranged support for me - to be able to talk, cry, and ask questions, with grief counselors, friends and other professionals that were able to help. Hospice is different in the UK I think it is very important that you have support; the best information I received was that I had already started the grieving process even though my mother was still alive. That it was OK to go off and have a really good cry, or scream, stamp my feet or a berating of God. It is all natural and OK to do. I would sit with mam during the day, talk with her, read to her, watch her favourite TV show - I hated them, but for the love of my mother I watched them and talked with her about them. I recall how I would bring her lunch on a tray, I would have mine on a tray too. I would just be sitting down, my bum almost in the seat, just past the centre of balance and she would say to me . . ."just before you sit down would you . . . " every time! I found it very frustrating then, and endearing now. I talked with her about dying - oh goodness me that was really hard. She told me how scared of dying she was. The best I could do, was to listen to her, and that is the most important thing we can do - just listen. and there came a point where i was so overwhelmed with grief I couldn't do much more so I asked her vicar to come and talk with her. I wasn't clear about her last wishes - she was so young - I asked a lawyer to come and talk with her about what sort of funeral she wanted. In the last days, as Mandee above talks about the gurgling breathing - this is a sign that the end is coming. You can detect the changes, the slow withdrawal from life (in mam's case some 3 weeks before she died) the detachment from food, talking, interest in what is going on in the family. I saw her internalise - go inside and stay there.
Her last 24 hours - I was invited to a party. I went. that night she passed into a coma. I have read so much about our loved ones not wanting to die in our presence - to spare us the grief, the pain of watching. In the morning I came to her room, she had that gurgling breathing for a few days and now it was so much louder. I sat on the bed and cradled her head in my arms and told her it was OK to go, now,I loved her and I was with her . . I knew she was scared. . .I knew she thought God had abandoned her . . so I just held her and stroked her cheek and her hair. I wondered if I would know the moment of death, there is no mistaking it. It arrives and you know - the stillness, the feeling of peace, the last sigh.
I sat a moment then stood up and I found myself breathing a sigh of relief that she had passed and her pain and suffering was over - I sighed for her and for me. I was exhausted - and that was OK with me.
I hope you find what I found with my mam - don't be scared - 'we' don't have to do anything - life, and death, will have its way. It knows what it is doing - our role is to be with our loved one, our hearts and minds open, not scared, not judging, knowing that this is THE path of all humans. Just hold and love - that is all we need to do - nothing more.
Peace and love be with you from my heart Pauleen

hi Skylar I read all the responses here and marvel at our ability to go through this tough time. All the advice and suggestions above are absolutely marvelous and I am in gratitude to all who responded. I am English, living her in NY looking after my 94 yr old M-i-L with my husband. My mother, who died at the age of 68, was diagnosed with secondary cancer after 14 years of remission from breast cancer and the following mastectomies. After the consultant told me (mam didn't want to know the prognosis)she had 3 months to live, we agreed that she would come to live with me.

They were the hardest and the most rewarding days of our relationship. I don't know your employment situation, so don't know what you are available to do, but I was made redundant (let go) from my full-time job the week after my mother was diagnosed. It was very scary but it was also a God-send. I was able to spend that time with her.

I arranged that she would sleep in a room next to the living room - not in a bedroom, I did not need to go up and down stairs to look after her. I arranged support for me - to be able to talk, cry, and ask questions, with grief counselors, friends and other professionals that were able to help. Hospice is different in the UK I think it is very important that you have support; the best information I received was that I had already started the grieving process even though my mother was still alive. That it was OK to go off and have a really good cry, or scream, stamp my feet or a berating of God. It is all natural and OK to do. I would sit with mam during the day, talk with her, read to her, watch her favourite TV show - I hated them, but for the love of my mother I watched them and talked with her about them. I recall how I would bring her lunch on a tray, I would have mine on a tray too. I would just be sitting down, my bum almost in the seat, just past the centre of balance and she would say to me . . ."just before you sit down would you . . . " every time! I found it very frustrating then, and endearing now. I talked with her about dying - oh goodness me that was really hard. She told me how scared of dying she was. The best I could do, was to listen to her, and that is the most important thing we can do - just listen. and there came a point where i was so overwhelmed with grief I couldn't do much more so I asked her vicar to come and talk with her. I wasn't clear about her last wishes - she was so young - I asked a lawyer to come and talk with her about what sort of funeral she wanted. In the last days, as Mandee above talks about the gurgling breathing - this is a sign that the end is coming. You can detect the changes, the slow withdrawal from life (in mam's case some 3 weeks before she died) the detachment from food, talking, interest in what is going on in the family. I saw her internalise - go inside and stay there.
Her last 24 hours - I was invited to a party. I went. that night she passed into a coma. I have read so much about our loved ones not wanting to die in our presence - to spare us the grief, the pain of watching. In the morning I came to her room, she had that gurgling breathing for a few days and now it was so much louder. I sat on the bed and cradled her head in my arms and told her it was OK to go, now,I loved her and I was with her . . I knew she was scared. . .I knew she thought God had abandoned her . . so I just held her and stroked her cheek and her hair. I wondered if I would know the moment of death, there is no mistaking it. It arrives and you know - the stillness, the feeling of peace, the last sigh.
I sat a moment then stood up and I found myself breathing a sigh of relief that she had passed and her pain and suffering was over - I sighed for her and for me. I was exhausted - and that was OK with me.
I hope you find what I found with my mam - don't be scared - 'we' don't have to do anything - life, and death, will have its way. It knows what it is doing - our role is to be with our loved one, our hearts and minds open, not scared, not judging, knowing that this is THE path of all humans. Just hold and love - that is all we need to do - nothing more.
Peace and love be with you from my heart Pauleen

you're so very brave to doing all you're doing. thank goodness you are getting more help and keep asking for anything you need. Hospice will step up for you.

it is scary. i was terrified the first time i looked after a dying person. i was most scared i'd do the wrong thing and accidentally kill her -- which is a really silly worry, but there we are.

your big job is the thing you're doing -- being. being with your husband. being is sometimes the hardest thing of all to do. i admire so much that you are doing this. just keep breathing, just do your being with him and that's the part that is the great human journey. we stay with our dying.

it has its moment of peace and at the end, when the dying person's peace has arrived, that's when you know you did it -- you walked with him to the end.

when you're scared, breathe slow and deep and hold him. the dying have as much to give us as we give them. it oly looks like we're doing it all. completing dying is truly like going through birth. that's how you know there's something else beyond the body.

you're so brave. and so tired -- get all the rest you can. and keep asking questions and asking forr help. that's what we humans are for. not always to know all the answers but to say to each other, we're here. we walk with you in a hundred different ways.

many blessings to you, your husband and your little one.

you're so very brave to doing all you're doing. thank goodness you are getting more help and keep asking for anything you need. Hospice will step up for you.

it is scary. i was terrified the first time i looked after a dying person. i was most scared i'd do the wrong thing and accidentally kill her -- which is a really silly worry, but there we are.

your big job is the thing you're doing -- being. being with your husband. being is sometimes the hardest thing of all to do. i admire so much that you are doing this. just keep breathing, just do your being with him and that's the part that is the great human journey. we stay with our dying.

it has its moment of peace and at the end, when the dying person's peace has arrived, that's when you know you did it -- you walked with him to the end.

when you're scared, breathe slow and deep and hold him. the dying have as much to give us as we give them. it oly looks like we're doing it all. completing dying is truly like going through birth. that's how you know there's something else beyond the body.

you're so brave. and so tired -- get all the rest you can. and keep asking questions and asking forr help. that's what we humans are for. not always to know all the answers but to say to each other, we're here. we walk with you in a hundred different ways.

many blessings to you, your husband and your little one.

Hi all, Thank you for your kind words and support. Sadly, my hubby passed away on December 19th. I had a lot of support and I am so grateful for it. I have accepted what has happened, but I miss him so much. I miss the plans we made together, I miss the dreams we shared and I miss being able to hold him. I am glad I was able to tell him how much I loved him and I am so grateful that we are Ok financially. I have a wonderful group of friends, but losing a loved one is so hard. My heart goes out to all of you. Sending you all hugs.

Renee'

Hi all, Thank you for your kind words and support. Sadly, my hubby passed away on December 19th. I had a lot of support and I am so grateful for it. I have accepted what has happened, but I miss him so much. I miss the plans we made together, I miss the dreams we shared and I miss being able to hold him. I am glad I was able to tell him how much I loved him and I am so grateful that we are Ok financially. I have a wonderful group of friends, but losing a loved one is so hard. My heart goes out to all of you. Sending you all hugs.

Renee'

so very sorry to hear your news. all our hearts are with you. i honor how brave and loving and giving you have been in all of this. and, yes, it was too soon. with deepest feelings for you and your family now. blessings light your way.

so very sorry to hear your news. all our hearts are with you. i honor how brave and loving and giving you have been in all of this. and, yes, it was too soon. with deepest feelings for you and your family now. blessings light your way.

What a beautiful description of weeks and days as it becomes closer and closer to that moment of passing. Mam's aid, I too was blessed to be present at the time my mother passed in August. My husband, daughter and Hospice Chaplain and myself were all present as Mom began the process of leaving. The peace that envelopes the room is such an awesome experience. I too experienced 3 little short deep breaths and she was at ultimate peace, pain free and I was so content at feeling that I had done my job to care for her to the best of my ability and found that gave me the peace I needed. We had a memorial service to "celebrate" her life and did a butterfly release at the end of the service. So many people loved the butterfly release...now when we see the monach butterfly go buy we remember that celebration of life.

What a beautiful description of weeks and days as it becomes closer and closer to that moment of passing. Mam's aid, I too was blessed to be present at the time my mother passed in August. My husband, daughter and Hospice Chaplain and myself were all present as Mom began the process of leaving. The peace that envelopes the room is such an awesome experience. I too experienced 3 little short deep breaths and she was at ultimate peace, pain free and I was so content at feeling that I had done my job to care for her to the best of my ability and found that gave me the peace I needed. We had a memorial service to "celebrate" her life and did a butterfly release at the end of the service. So many people loved the butterfly release...now when we see the monach butterfly go buy we remember that celebration of life.

A special hug for you Skylar this Christmas Eve. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts in the coming weeks.

A special hug for you Skylar this Christmas Eve. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts in the coming weeks.

Skylar, I'm sorry for your loss. I want to tell you some things that helped me, my mom died exactly two months ago today. It helped me to write little post-it notes to myself so that when I went into a panic, I could look at them and it brought me back a little to myself. I put the stickies up on my tv next to my bed. Things like, "she had an excellent death because of you", "you are doing great", "everyone goes through this". I had never lost someone, am alone and this helps.

You will seem to function normally and think you are okay and even have a good day, then the next day may be bad, expect it. Give yourself three months in "emotional icu". People will think with all your blessings you will be okay, I do not know your age or if you have the experience of losing someone. I also made a "GRIEF SOS" folder and keep it on my desktop. I went to it everyday to do greif work, it includes a daily journal, about six websites like this and a few good resources i found online. At first i spent hours a day with my grief folder, now i have tapered off, but it is a resource of your own making and it helps. take care, please come back in the next days and let us know how you are. do you have a boy or a girl? vicki (doodybug)

Skylar, I'm sorry for your loss. I want to tell you some things that helped me, my mom died exactly two months ago today. It helped me to write little post-it notes to myself so that when I went into a panic, I could look at them and it brought me back a little to myself. I put the stickies up on my tv next to my bed. Things like, "she had an excellent death because of you", "you are doing great", "everyone goes through this". I had never lost someone, am alone and this helps.

You will seem to function normally and think you are okay and even have a good day, then the next day may be bad, expect it. Give yourself three months in "emotional icu". People will think with all your blessings you will be okay, I do not know your age or if you have the experience of losing someone. I also made a "GRIEF SOS" folder and keep it on my desktop. I went to it everyday to do greif work, it includes a daily journal, about six websites like this and a few good resources i found online. At first i spent hours a day with my grief folder, now i have tapered off, but it is a resource of your own making and it helps. take care, please come back in the next days and let us know how you are. do you have a boy or a girl? vicki (doodybug)

Hi. Skylar... avail yourself of a grief counselor through Hospice if you can. My daughter did this and it has really helped. I'm so sorry for your loss and especially at this time of year. My daughter also found it helpful to record things about her father to share with her baby one day. If you have not yet read my hug to you, my daughter's boyfriend died Oct. 3 and his daughter was born Dec. 5. So it's been a difficult time. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. And it really is necessary to cry through your pain and sorrow. Don't let anyone tell you when it is too long to grieve. There are well meaning people who say stupid things. Just know that many people don't really know what to say and they have not experienced your type of loss. Good luck to you

Hi. Skylar... avail yourself of a grief counselor through Hospice if you can. My daughter did this and it has really helped. I'm so sorry for your loss and especially at this time of year. My daughter also found it helpful to record things about her father to share with her baby one day. If you have not yet read my hug to you, my daughter's boyfriend died Oct. 3 and his daughter was born Dec. 5. So it's been a difficult time. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. And it really is necessary to cry through your pain and sorrow. Don't let anyone tell you when it is too long to grieve. There are well meaning people who say stupid things. Just know that many people don't really know what to say and they have not experienced your type of loss. Good luck to you

Thank you. I am 33 and my mom passed away in 2007. Losing her was tough because I was 6 months pregnant with my son. However, with her passing I learned to deal with grief and to keep my focus. With my hubby I learned to focus on the positive and not the negative. Also, I am thankful that this was not a lingering disease. I am also thankful that I was able to keep him home and to keep my promises to him. Today is Christmas and it is hard to not have him here, but i do believe he is here and spirit and he will always be part of my son and I. We are just taking one day at a time and seeing where it goes.

Thank you. I am 33 and my mom passed away in 2007. Losing her was tough because I was 6 months pregnant with my son. However, with her passing I learned to deal with grief and to keep my focus. With my hubby I learned to focus on the positive and not the negative. Also, I am thankful that this was not a lingering disease. I am also thankful that I was able to keep him home and to keep my promises to him. Today is Christmas and it is hard to not have him here, but i do believe he is here and spirit and he will always be part of my son and I. We are just taking one day at a time and seeing where it goes.

Hi Skylar... I have been thinking of you so much .. My mom passed this wednesday... with me my little brother and father around her. and it was peaceful.. christmas was my moms favorite holiday.. and we had her funeral mass christmas eve morning... and it was beautiful and i knew she would have loved to have been in the church on that day :)..; i am trying sooo hard to find the positive.. and we are just going minute to minute at this point. i am praynig for you and your son to find peace and joy where you can and when you can.. thats what we are trying to do here. xo i have found i appreciate the beauty of friendship and family even more now. the goodness of humanity has been overwhelming. you gave your husband the dignity of passing at home and i kno it is the farthest from an easy thing.. but it was immensely brave.. and a testament to your love and devotion to him. which is nothing short of beautiful. i do believe he is with you and your son always. xo thinking of you

Hi Skylar... I have been thinking of you so much .. My mom passed this wednesday... with me my little brother and father around her. and it was peaceful.. christmas was my moms favorite holiday.. and we had her funeral mass christmas eve morning... and it was beautiful and i knew she would have loved to have been in the church on that day :)..; i am trying sooo hard to find the positive.. and we are just going minute to minute at this point. i am praynig for you and your son to find peace and joy where you can and when you can.. thats what we are trying to do here. xo i have found i appreciate the beauty of friendship and family even more now. the goodness of humanity has been overwhelming. you gave your husband the dignity of passing at home and i kno it is the farthest from an easy thing.. but it was immensely brave.. and a testament to your love and devotion to him. which is nothing short of beautiful. i do believe he is with you and your son always. xo thinking of you

Skylar and Mandee...This is your first Christmas without your loved ones. Each year will be a little easier. Getting through those firsts is tough. In my family, my daughter has marked the passing and the births in our family with a Christmas ornament with a picture inside of each person. So every year when we put up our tree, we honor them and remember Christmases past. Even though to some it may seem we are focusing on our losses, I believe that we are remembering our joys shared with them.
This year, afater my daughter who made all the ornaments, left her husband and ornaments with him, she made one of her grandfather (my dad) to hang on her tree. It was taken one Christmas when I bought him a red and white sleep shirt. My Dad was shaped a lot like Santa Claus so you can imagine how funny he looked. But what a good memory! Keep the good alive. When people get sick, it's kind of hard to remember how they were before but as you go through the process, memories will overflow in you. Keep a journal to record those memories so you never forget especially for your son Skylar.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. This is the worst part of life, losing those we love. And unfortunately, we have to go on. Just know that our loved ones would want us to go on and do what they no longer can. Keep your friends and family close.
This website can also serve as a place to share over the next few months and a place to vent and get support. Many of us have been through losses or will soon face some. Thinking of you both and sending hugs.

Skylar and Mandee...This is your first Christmas without your loved ones. Each year will be a little easier. Getting through those firsts is tough. In my family, my daughter has marked the passing and the births in our family with a Christmas ornament with a picture inside of each person. So every year when we put up our tree, we honor them and remember Christmases past. Even though to some it may seem we are focusing on our losses, I believe that we are remembering our joys shared with them.
This year, afater my daughter who made all the ornaments, left her husband and ornaments with him, she made one of her grandfather (my dad) to hang on her tree. It was taken one Christmas when I bought him a red and white sleep shirt. My Dad was shaped a lot like Santa Claus so you can imagine how funny he looked. But what a good memory! Keep the good alive. When people get sick, it's kind of hard to remember how they were before but as you go through the process, memories will overflow in you. Keep a journal to record those memories so you never forget especially for your son Skylar.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. This is the worst part of life, losing those we love. And unfortunately, we have to go on. Just know that our loved ones would want us to go on and do what they no longer can. Keep your friends and family close.
This website can also serve as a place to share over the next few months and a place to vent and get support. Many of us have been through losses or will soon face some. Thinking of you both and sending hugs.

Hi Skylar,

I'm thinking of you and your son as you wake up the day after Christmas. I imagine you are both glad the day is over and, yet, not looking forward to another day of missing him. Everyone's advice about grieving is "spot on". The Hospice nurse said those who do not grieve have the hardest time. Yet, in our culture, that's taken as a sign as "handling the grief." And, just the opposite is seen as true, those who cry the most are seen as "not handling it very well."

Therefore, do not worry what our culture or other well-meaning people tell you do. Do what your heart tells you to do and you will get through it.

Sending hugs and some tissues.

Hi Skylar,

I'm thinking of you and your son as you wake up the day after Christmas. I imagine you are both glad the day is over and, yet, not looking forward to another day of missing him. Everyone's advice about grieving is "spot on". The Hospice nurse said those who do not grieve have the hardest time. Yet, in our culture, that's taken as a sign as "handling the grief." And, just the opposite is seen as true, those who cry the most are seen as "not handling it very well."

Therefore, do not worry what our culture or other well-meaning people tell you do. Do what your heart tells you to do and you will get through it.

Sending hugs and some tissues.

Hi Skylar, I am sorry to hear about your loss, and his journey is not over, it has just changed, and so has yours. I love this poem - although I absolutely agree with Janice's suggestion - do grieve - fully.

DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP

Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am the thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die. Anon

grieve well dear one . . . we are all here, circling you, holding you!

Hi Skylar, I am sorry to hear about your loss, and his journey is not over, it has just changed, and so has yours. I love this poem - although I absolutely agree with Janice's suggestion - do grieve - fully.

DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP

Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am the thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die. Anon

grieve well dear one . . . we are all here, circling you, holding you!