Coping witha spouse with diabetes
My husband and I have been married for 34 years. We have 3 sons and 2 beautiful grandchildren. My husband has had type I Diabetes for 44 years. We have been through too much to mention. My main concern is the fact that I live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. In 2005 he had a leg amputated. In 2006 he had double heart bypass surgery. He got a MRSA infection and spent a total of 35 days in the hospital. He needed three surgeries and a plastic surgeon to close his chest. He came home with 6 drains in his chest that I had to empty and measure several times a day. In 2007 he went into a diabetic coma and his kidneys shut down. He was on dialysis from November 2007 till July 2008 when oour oldest son donated a kidney to him. After that I thought that maybe I could let my guard down. However, while the transplant was a blessing, he is not the same person. He is having trouble with his eyesight and willbe undergoing eye surgery next week. This will be another in a series of hospitalizations and outpatient surgeries that have been going on regularly since 1996. I see a therapist and he told me I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am 55 years old and do not feel that I have any future other than taking care of a very sick man. I had hoped that when we got older we we would be able to travel and enjoy ourselves. My family and friends are always telling me how amazing I am and how well I cope. I only do it because it is what needs to be done and I no no other way to be anymore. I have lost a part of myself in trying to make my husband whole. The therapist asked me what I thought life was. I told him it is a one day ticket to Disneyworld and I am trying to get on all of the rides before the park closes.
Hi there,
I want to disclaim immediately that I am not in a spousal caregiving situation, so you may want to take this advice with a grain of salt. I have seen others I love go through similar, so it comes from a place of watching them.
Sweet lady, it seriously sounds like you need a break. You have been so dedicated and you and your husband have been dealing with really serious issues for years. How could you not have PTSD?
Is there anyone who could help you with your husband's care? If there is any way you can get away for a few days to just breathe, I would help you pack your bags. While that won't solve a darn think about your husband's health, it will allow you to clear your head, regroup, and go back in in a different state of mind. And while I know it may be difficult to leave him and you may be tempted to feel some guilt, know that a few days away is for him too. It gives him a caregiver who is refreshed. You both deserve that.
I'll be thinking about you.
It is not an easy road you are on. please take time out for just you. go out side and just breath. I am also on that road so I understand. I am 49 and my wife is a diabetic of 61 yrs. you must take time for just you. My heart goes out to you. you should give to your self what others can not. I am hear if you need an ear.
If you have not read it I strongly recommend the book Bernstein's Diabetic Solution. Dr. B, who runs a diabetes clinic, is a type 1 diabetic in his late 70s and he is very healthy. I am a type 2 diabetic in my early 70s and by following his recommendations have become much more healthy than before. My use of fast acting insulin has decreased by 92%, my weight has dropped by 33 lbs and my overall health is much better.
