Steve, I completley understand. We didn't deal with a hip replacement, but my dad kind of went through the same motions, emotionally, as your dad is. I wish I could say I found the magic answer. Unfortunately what I learned is that after you plea your case for the benefits of following doctor's orders and moving forward, tell your parent you're there for him to help him progress and then leave it up to him. If he won't do the rehab, you can't make him.

Another thing we realized about my dad was that he would avoid social situations due to his hearing loss and weakness. With the weakness, it was almost like the chore of getting ready discouraged him to the point where he would deem it not worth it and not go out. Yet, when the situation was kind of forced (like he felt obligated to go to a birthday party, for example) he'd be really happy and say over and over again what a great time he had. So maybe getting your dad back in touch with the outside world among things/people he loves will help motivate him.

Another thought is to talk to your dad's doctor about prescribing an anti-depressant. Sometimes folks in this age range are unwilling to try such a drug, but remind him there's no committment. Try it for a few weeks. If he's unhappy, go off it.

Hope something I've said helped! Anyone else have tips?

Steve, I completley understand. We didn't deal with a hip replacement, but my dad kind of went through the same motions, emotionally, as your dad is. I wish I could say I found the magic answer. Unfortunately what I learned is that after you plea your case for the benefits of following doctor's orders and moving forward, tell your parent you're there for him to help him progress and then leave it up to him. If he won't do the rehab, you can't make him.

Another thing we realized about my dad was that he would avoid social situations due to his hearing loss and weakness. With the weakness, it was almost like the chore of getting ready discouraged him to the point where he would deem it not worth it and not go out. Yet, when the situation was kind of forced (like he felt obligated to go to a birthday party, for example) he'd be really happy and say over and over again what a great time he had. So maybe getting your dad back in touch with the outside world among things/people he loves will help motivate him.

Another thought is to talk to your dad's doctor about prescribing an anti-depressant. Sometimes folks in this age range are unwilling to try such a drug, but remind him there's no committment. Try it for a few weeks. If he's unhappy, go off it.

Hope something I've said helped! Anyone else have tips?

All that Missy has said above, I ditto. My 84yo father is disappointed his knee replacements weren't entirely succesful, and the limited mobility and weakness is terribly frustrating for him. His frustration has made him fairly depressed much of the time, and even though he's all for taking medications, this is a different story for him. He's of that generation, too, like your father. Feelings? What are those? And after all, there is quite a bit to be depressed about...Anyway, since he will not acknowledge or deal w/ the depression, we do try and force the other things on him that he CAN deal with. Physical therapy has made a huge difference to his recovery, and even though he is no longer allowed (by the insurance, thanks so much) to go to the PT office, he can do it at home. Keeping in touch w/ the outside world is vital, in my opinion. Sometimes older people will "pull themselves together" for the public in ways they will not do for family and caregivers. it's just the persuading/forcing them out that is the tough part! Getting old sucks.

All that Missy has said above, I ditto. My 84yo father is disappointed his knee replacements weren't entirely succesful, and the limited mobility and weakness is terribly frustrating for him. His frustration has made him fairly depressed much of the time, and even though he's all for taking medications, this is a different story for him. He's of that generation, too, like your father. Feelings? What are those? And after all, there is quite a bit to be depressed about...Anyway, since he will not acknowledge or deal w/ the depression, we do try and force the other things on him that he CAN deal with. Physical therapy has made a huge difference to his recovery, and even though he is no longer allowed (by the insurance, thanks so much) to go to the PT office, he can do it at home. Keeping in touch w/ the outside world is vital, in my opinion. Sometimes older people will "pull themselves together" for the public in ways they will not do for family and caregivers. it's just the persuading/forcing them out that is the tough part! Getting old sucks.

So true, it is so frustrating that dad will tell the nurse or an acquaintance he sees on the street that he is doing well, then when alone with my sister and me he whines that he will never get well, and he wants to give up. We'll try to keep him exercising and will tell him that others say the PT really helps Thanks Kathy and Missy.

So true, it is so frustrating that dad will tell the nurse or an acquaintance he sees on the street that he is doing well, then when alone with my sister and me he whines that he will never get well, and he wants to give up. We'll try to keep him exercising and will tell him that others say the PT really helps Thanks Kathy and Missy.

My mom had a hip replacement due to a fall also. She's had a hard road as it was coupled with a diagnosis of COPD. This makes her recovery much slower as she has to be hooked up to an oxygen machine 24/7. My point though is someone recently said to me and I think they're right that these people have had their whole life change in an instant and they don't feel productive anymore. Their advice was to give them something they can do for themselves such as instead of me crushing her medicines for make life easier, have her do it so she feels more productive and in control.

My mom had a hip replacement due to a fall also. She's had a hard road as it was coupled with a diagnosis of COPD. This makes her recovery much slower as she has to be hooked up to an oxygen machine 24/7. My point though is someone recently said to me and I think they're right that these people have had their whole life change in an instant and they don't feel productive anymore. Their advice was to give them something they can do for themselves such as instead of me crushing her medicines for make life easier, have her do it so she feels more productive and in control.

My heart goes out to you for all you're doing for your father, it's not an easy job, I know. I was once a nurse who worked Long Term Care. I have seen it all but, I will tell you that those patients who keep a good attitude and do the rehab, will have a better outcome. I've seen those who give up and usually don't make it past a year after their surgeries. Do encourage your dad that he needs his rehab that it is the only way for him to get back some of his or all of his mobility. He also needs to know, at his age, it takes so much longer to recover. Make sure he's eating a well balanced diet and add some much needed magnesium, calcium and vitamin D3. All these will help with bone healing. Many people become depressed after having surgeries as well. Anesthesia does strange things to our bodies and the drugs can linger in the body for weeks or months so make sure your dad is getting plenty of fluids if he can. I don't know all his health issues but if he still seems depressed in a few weeks, maybe a talk with his doctor would be in order. It might do your dad well to talk with a counselor or does he have clergy or even a good friend? I am sure he is missing your mom as well. It is very hard for a man to lose his wife for he counts on her for so much. I too em in a similar situation with my husband except his hip was shattered in a car accident over a year ago. His femur was forced through the back side of his pelvis. He lives with daily pain and uses a cane to walk. We're on 57 but it still has changed my husband and he does become depressed knowing he can't do the things he once did. He has to watch me to the gardening which we used to do together. And with winter coming where I live, he'll have to watch me shovel snow. It is demeaning at best for him but I tell him, "if I were in your shoes, wouldn't you have to do my jobs around the house?" We help each other, that's what a loving couple does. I hope things will work out for your father. Dealing with older people can be frustrating as they want to be independent and then when they realize they now have to rely more and more on family it does cause depression. Be patient, calm and most of all, loving. Your father is now grieving the loss of his mobility and who knows what else is on his mind. Let him know you care and want to be there for him but he also needs to share with you how he is feeling. Good luck to you both and if it is ok, may I pray for you?

My heart goes out to you for all you're doing for your father, it's not an easy job, I know. I was once a nurse who worked Long Term Care. I have seen it all but, I will tell you that those patients who keep a good attitude and do the rehab, will have a better outcome. I've seen those who give up and usually don't make it past a year after their surgeries. Do encourage your dad that he needs his rehab that it is the only way for him to get back some of his or all of his mobility. He also needs to know, at his age, it takes so much longer to recover. Make sure he's eating a well balanced diet and add some much needed magnesium, calcium and vitamin D3. All these will help with bone healing. Many people become depressed after having surgeries as well. Anesthesia does strange things to our bodies and the drugs can linger in the body for weeks or months so make sure your dad is getting plenty of fluids if he can. I don't know all his health issues but if he still seems depressed in a few weeks, maybe a talk with his doctor would be in order. It might do your dad well to talk with a counselor or does he have clergy or even a good friend? I am sure he is missing your mom as well. It is very hard for a man to lose his wife for he counts on her for so much. I too em in a similar situation with my husband except his hip was shattered in a car accident over a year ago. His femur was forced through the back side of his pelvis. He lives with daily pain and uses a cane to walk. We're on 57 but it still has changed my husband and he does become depressed knowing he can't do the things he once did. He has to watch me to the gardening which we used to do together. And with winter coming where I live, he'll have to watch me shovel snow. It is demeaning at best for him but I tell him, "if I were in your shoes, wouldn't you have to do my jobs around the house?" We help each other, that's what a loving couple does. I hope things will work out for your father. Dealing with older people can be frustrating as they want to be independent and then when they realize they now have to rely more and more on family it does cause depression. Be patient, calm and most of all, loving. Your father is now grieving the loss of his mobility and who knows what else is on his mind. Let him know you care and want to be there for him but he also needs to share with you how he is feeling. Good luck to you both and if it is ok, may I pray for you?

Thank you, all your thoughts and prayers are most welcome!

Thank you, all your thoughts and prayers are most welcome!

My Mom is 89 and had always lived alone until she fell. I thought maybe she was getting dementia but turns out she was lonely. If there are any daycare or day re-hab exercise for your dad it would help both of you-also lexipro an ant-depressant drug helped mom . Dhe still needs more help but I am working on it.

My Mom is 89 and had always lived alone until she fell. I thought maybe she was getting dementia but turns out she was lonely. If there are any daycare or day re-hab exercise for your dad it would help both of you-also lexipro an ant-depressant drug helped mom . Dhe still needs more help but I am working on it.

My 88-year old father fell and then had a hip and partial femur replacement, my mother died five-years ago from lung cancer and he really did not get over her death, they were married for 64-years, so the fact that he is angry and depressed is not surprising. He is usually a very positive person, with a loving family that encourages him everyday, but not sure how to deal with his anger, particularly when I am doing everything that I can think of to help, and he gets angry with me, I understand that he is unhappy being in a rehab facility, but I am at my wits-end, have no idea about what I can do for him, guess that he is more frustrated than I am, but that is not helping, any suggestions?

Thank you for this blog, just writing here seems to help a bit.

My 88-year old father fell and then had a hip and partial femur replacement, my mother died five-years ago from lung cancer and he really did not get over her death, they were married for 64-years, so the fact that he is angry and depressed is not surprising. He is usually a very positive person, with a loving family that encourages him everyday, but not sure how to deal with his anger, particularly when I am doing everything that I can think of to help, and he gets angry with me, I understand that he is unhappy being in a rehab facility, but I am at my wits-end, have no idea about what I can do for him, guess that he is more frustrated than I am, but that is not helping, any suggestions?

Thank you for this blog, just writing here seems to help a bit.

I suggest that your dad should read articles on the internet about people who have received surgery (like this), yet it does not stop them from doing what they want to in their lives. I have seen numerous blogs about individuals who fight there injury and do no let them defy them. I recently had a hip replacement in nottingham[co.uk] and I will make sure as soon as I am on the mend I will get back out there and carrying on dancing! I hope to see your dad out there too!

I suggest that your dad should read articles on the internet about people who have received surgery (like this), yet it does not stop them from doing what they want to in their lives. I have seen numerous blogs about individuals who fight there injury and do no let them defy them. I recently had a hip replacement in nottingham[co.uk] and I will make sure as soon as I am on the mend I will get back out there and carrying on dancing! I hope to see your dad out there too!