Alzheimers and bi-polar disorder
My husband is 62 years old and was dz with AD early this year, I,m 61 years old and suffer with bi-polar disorder. Befor the osnset of his disease he was very aware of the triggers that brought on episodes of bp and was helpful trying to keeep our home running smoothly and on schedule which is a must for me to function with any degree of success. I also have many of the side disorders that come with bp and have many social anxieties. I,m unable to handle groups of more than three at a time and he,s always been responsible for banking etc. and making appts. as I am unable to use the phone. In turn I continue to work at my chosen field of housecleaning which I love and gets me out of the house a few days a week and also supplements our income. Hughie is retired. He is also hard of hearing, physically disabled having one leg shorter than the other and a fused hip and knee making him dependant on a walker to get around. He is also diabetic and I,ve managed his diet successfully the past 6 years do that his blood sugars are manintained without the aid of precription drugs. We always joked that he looked after me mentally and I him physically. This has all changed the last year and a half with the progression of his illness.I had recognized the signs of AD in him afew years back after having my Mom live with us her last eight years, she had AD and was an insulin dependant diabetic requiring injections. I instigated his AD testing over a year ago after recognizing behavior similar to my mother. He is a wonderful man and showed my mother great love and patience dealing with her problems when he was home and not working. He gave me, her caregiver, some much needed time off by taking my mom with him on his saturday errands and out for drives through the park for ice cream.I cherish the memory of him patiently taking her out after working a twelve hour day to see the Christmas lights displayed on the houses and the special lighting drive through the park. He did this 4 times one week as she didn,t remember having been out with him. This took more than it might seem. Our Canadian winters are very cold and there,s always a great deal of snow to make it difficult for the handi-capped and eldery to get around. He did this without complaint and in good spirits after a 12 hour day spent tied to a chair dispatching cabs around the city. He manged my periods of mental illness with the same loveing patience. Now this man that gave so much of his time and love to my Mother in her last years with Alzheimer,s until she died quietly at home with us is afflicted with the same disease that destroyed her. I find myself in the position of caregiver again only this time I don,t have my best friend for support. Stress is the enemy of people that suffer bi-polar and my orderly scheduled llife that did much to keep me balanced no longer exists. I,ve had to take over many of his former jobs looking after finances and car repairs and having to deal with the public something that causes panic attacks. He,s lost his motivation and has to be kept at to get him started for the day. Everything takes prodding from eating his breakfast and getting dressed to washing and shaving. I haven,t been able to get him to an appointment on time in over a year. I hate to admit how much I look forward to the days I go out to work and I,m sure he looks forward to time to himself when he sees me leave. It has affected my work as well as I,m usually late arriving and have to stop to make frequent calls home to monitor his eating and other activities while I,m away. I never return to a tidy home anymore and I usually find cluttered counters, dirty dishes and rooms in chaos depending on what he was up to or not in my abscence. I,ve been in a period of rapid cycling due to this and this is why I,ve wrote to ask for help. I can find lots of help in living with and caring for someone with AD and lots of help for living and caring for someone with bipolar disorder. But I,ve only drawn blanks tryig to find help for someone with a mental illness being a caregiver to someone with AD. I love him dearly as I know he does me but I find this situation is becoming increasingly difficult. I,ve read all the information on how to talk to the person with AD so as not to hit their triggers but most of his behaviour triggers mine. Is there anyone out there living with this set of unique problems. HELP, Valerie in Canada
Alzheimers and bi-polar disorder
My husband is 62 years old and was dz with AD early this year, I,m 61 years old and suffer with bi-polar disorder. Befor the osnset of his disease he was very aware of the triggers that brought on episodes of bp and was helpful trying to keeep our home running smoothly and on schedule which is a must for me to function with any degree of success. I also have many of the side disorders that come with bp and have many social anxieties. I,m unable to handle groups of more than three at a time and he,s always been responsible for banking etc. and making appts. as I am unable to use the phone. In turn I continue to work at my chosen field of housecleaning which I love and gets me out of the house a few days a week and also supplements our income. Hughie is retired. He is also hard of hearing, physically disabled having one leg shorter than the other and a fused hip and knee making him dependant on a walker to get around. He is also diabetic and I,ve managed his diet successfully the past 6 years do that his blood sugars are manintained without the aid of precription drugs. We always joked that he looked after me mentally and I him physically. This has all changed the last year and a half with the progression of his illness.I had recognized the signs of AD in him afew years back after having my Mom live with us her last eight years, she had AD and was an insulin dependant diabetic requiring injections. I instigated his AD testing over a year ago after recognizing behavior similar to my mother. He is a wonderful man and showed my mother great love and patience dealing with her problems when he was home and not working. He gave me, her caregiver, some much needed time off by taking my mom with him on his saturday errands and out for drives through the park for ice cream.I cherish the memory of him patiently taking her out after working a twelve hour day to see the Christmas lights displayed on the houses and the special lighting drive through the park. He did this 4 times one week as she didn,t remember having been out with him. This took more than it might seem. Our Canadian winters are very cold and there,s always a great deal of snow to make it difficult for the handi-capped and eldery to get around. He did this without complaint and in good spirits after a 12 hour day spent tied to a chair dispatching cabs around the city. He manged my periods of mental illness with the same loveing patience. Now this man that gave so much of his time and love to my Mother in her last years with Alzheimer,s until she died quietly at home with us is afflicted with the same disease that destroyed her. I find myself in the position of caregiver again only this time I don,t have my best friend for support. Stress is the enemy of people that suffer bi-polar and my orderly scheduled llife that did much to keep me balanced no longer exists. I,ve had to take over many of his former jobs looking after finances and car repairs and having to deal with the public something that causes panic attacks. He,s lost his motivation and has to be kept at to get him started for the day. Everything takes prodding from eating his breakfast and getting dressed to washing and shaving. I haven,t been able to get him to an appointment on time in over a year. I hate to admit how much I look forward to the days I go out to work and I,m sure he looks forward to time to himself when he sees me leave. It has affected my work as well as I,m usually late arriving and have to stop to make frequent calls home to monitor his eating and other activities while I,m away. I never return to a tidy home anymore and I usually find cluttered counters, dirty dishes and rooms in chaos depending on what he was up to or not in my abscence. I,ve been in a period of rapid cycling due to this and this is why I,ve wrote to ask for help. I can find lots of help in living with and caring for someone with AD and lots of help for living and caring for someone with bipolar disorder. But I,ve only drawn blanks tryig to find help for someone with a mental illness being a caregiver to someone with AD. I love him dearly as I know he does me but I find this situation is becoming increasingly difficult. I,ve read all the information on how to talk to the person with AD so as not to hit their triggers but most of his behaviour triggers mine. Is there anyone out there living with this set of unique problems. HELP, Valerie in Canada
Hi Valerie,
I know I'm 5 months late, but I just saw your post. I am also bipolar and my husband has AD! It makes it almost impossible, doesn't it? The person who helped us through our difficult emotional/mental times is now "not there" for us and we are call on to be super-wife. I don't think we're even wives any more. We are just caregivers.
I am just beginning to realize that I either need a lot more help with this from his children (we're in a second marriage), or I may need to get out. I don't know if there is local help for you, but we have support groups for bipolar and caregivers; we have a department of aging that helps find caregivers. I hope you have someone coming into your house to help.
Anyway, I don't have the answers, but I think you and I have to take care of ourselves first. If we fall apart, we won't be able to help anyone. I think if your husband did not have AD, he would not want you to suffer like this. I like to think my husband would feel that way, because he seems oblivious now and only aware of his own problems.
Take care, and good luck with it all.
Lynne
Hi Valerie,
I know I'm 5 months late, but I just saw your post. I am also bipolar and my husband has AD! It makes it almost impossible, doesn't it? The person who helped us through our difficult emotional/mental times is now "not there" for us and we are call on to be super-wife. I don't think we're even wives any more. We are just caregivers.
I am just beginning to realize that I either need a lot more help with this from his children (we're in a second marriage), or I may need to get out. I don't know if there is local help for you, but we have support groups for bipolar and caregivers; we have a department of aging that helps find caregivers. I hope you have someone coming into your house to help.
Anyway, I don't have the answers, but I think you and I have to take care of ourselves first. If we fall apart, we won't be able to help anyone. I think if your husband did not have AD, he would not want you to suffer like this. I like to think my husband would feel that way, because he seems oblivious now and only aware of his own problems.
Take care, and good luck with it all.
Lynne
My computer correspondence gets put off because of all the mail my husband solicites from catalogues etc. It sometimes has over 50 items I have to sort through. Right now the most difficult issue I,m dealing with is getting him to appt.s on time. I,m blessed he remains good natured but it,s a real effort getting him to early morning dates. I discovered a lump in his breast and we,ve been going through the process of mammograms etc. with a biopsy on Fri. His family history of breast cancer isn,t good with his uncle mother and sister all victims. Thank you for taking the time to write, I,m in Ontario and recently was placed with a counselor from the Alzheimer,s Society. I,m trying to pace myself and prevent triggering a period of rapid cycling that throws a real wrench into the works. I,ve lived with bp all my life and he,s been my biggest support during our twenty years together and deserves as much and more now from me. I find the future too scarey to dwell on and just take things one day at a time. He seems to have lost all his self motivation and has to be prodded and reminded constantly through the day made even more difficult because of his hearing loss. My mother lived with us the last eight years of her life and she had alzheimer,s and was diabetic as well so I,m not dealing with the unfamiliar, I had more help from Family the,n all have since passed and I was ten years younger. He was wonderful to her treating her with constant respect and kindness and I never thought at that time about support groups or anything. It just seems more challenging facing this alone. Hearing from you means a lot just knowing someone actually underrstands. Thank you so much and may your other challenges remain few.
Valerie
My computer correspondence gets put off because of all the mail my husband solicites from catalogues etc. It sometimes has over 50 items I have to sort through. Right now the most difficult issue I,m dealing with is getting him to appt.s on time. I,m blessed he remains good natured but it,s a real effort getting him to early morning dates. I discovered a lump in his breast and we,ve been going through the process of mammograms etc. with a biopsy on Fri. His family history of breast cancer isn,t good with his uncle mother and sister all victims. Thank you for taking the time to write, I,m in Ontario and recently was placed with a counselor from the Alzheimer,s Society. I,m trying to pace myself and prevent triggering a period of rapid cycling that throws a real wrench into the works. I,ve lived with bp all my life and he,s been my biggest support during our twenty years together and deserves as much and more now from me. I find the future too scarey to dwell on and just take things one day at a time. He seems to have lost all his self motivation and has to be prodded and reminded constantly through the day made even more difficult because of his hearing loss. My mother lived with us the last eight years of her life and she had alzheimer,s and was diabetic as well so I,m not dealing with the unfamiliar, I had more help from Family the,n all have since passed and I was ten years younger. He was wonderful to her treating her with constant respect and kindness and I never thought at that time about support groups or anything. It just seems more challenging facing this alone. Hearing from you means a lot just knowing someone actually underrstands. Thank you so much and may your other challenges remain few.
Valerie
I am also bipolar, only child, only close family relative, working full time and mom has moderate alzheimers. I am new to bipolar and new to caregiving(in it 2.5 years) Can someone please tell me what you mean by rapid cycing and why I feel like I am going to explode when my boyfriend demands I carry my phone everywhere I go or questions my every intention. Our how is in utter chaos with bills from the 1980's all mixed up with my bills and her sympathy notes... etc.. I need help!!
I am also bipolar, only child, only close family relative, working full time and mom has moderate alzheimers. I am new to bipolar and new to caregiving(in it 2.5 years) Can someone please tell me what you mean by rapid cycing and why I feel like I am going to explode when my boyfriend demands I carry my phone everywhere I go or questions my every intention. Our how is in utter chaos with bills from the 1980's all mixed up with my bills and her sympathy notes... etc.. I need help!!
Hi Jan Marie, I wrote a note saying I,d get back to you and ran into a few complications. My husband had a mastectomy last week and he,s home but he still has two drainage tubes attached. He forgets he has them and he,s pulled them out by accident twice and I haven,t been on the computer to get back to you. I have periods of rapid cycling when I,m dealing with unusual high stress situations and my moods can go from being confidant I can handle any and all situations to total despair in the space of a day. Looking after someone with alz. is a challenge for anyone but it poses additional ones for the bp caregive. We have a unique set of road blocks to work with. For instance you mentioned the mess of paperwork and bills your faced with. Bp requires an orderly environment to function in and your not going to get any help from your mother in achieving this asshe,s losing the ability to organize anything and would only add to the confusion if she tried. My once well organized tidy apt. has become out of control. I,ve cut back to working two days a week and I still can,t keep up with it. I work cleaning houses and coming home after a day making someone else,s home beautiful and clean to see our apt. is so frustrating it affects my ability to concentrate and makes me edgy. I have a tendancy to plant myself in front of the computer and focus on the screen to escape long enough to regain my coping composure. I "have" to stay calm and steady with him because if he sees me worked up it affects him and makes the alz. worse. I,m afraid of letting myself get worked up and triggering an episode of bp induced rants of anger. Which in turn affects him and he closes up shop on me and withdraws into himself. So it,s become a vicious circle, I spend my time trying not to get aggitated and upsetting him but I can,t work at cleaning up and restoring order to the mess that is the main source of my agitation. I,ve never slept well so my solution is to tackle it after he,s asleep making as big a dent in it as I have the strength left to do after a long day. I feel very alone in my stuggle at times but it helps to come here and read the comments as well as the bp website (did I give you that). I have to go now, my husband is physically handicapped as well and there are more demands on my time right now because of his recent surgery. I hope I,ve managed to make some sense and I know it will help just knowing someone out there cares and understands your special set of circumstances. Take care, I,ll write again if you,d like. Valerie
Hi Jan Marie, I wrote a note saying I,d get back to you and ran into a few complications. My husband had a mastectomy last week and he,s home but he still has two drainage tubes attached. He forgets he has them and he,s pulled them out by accident twice and I haven,t been on the computer to get back to you. I have periods of rapid cycling when I,m dealing with unusual high stress situations and my moods can go from being confidant I can handle any and all situations to total despair in the space of a day. Looking after someone with alz. is a challenge for anyone but it poses additional ones for the bp caregive. We have a unique set of road blocks to work with. For instance you mentioned the mess of paperwork and bills your faced with. Bp requires an orderly environment to function in and your not going to get any help from your mother in achieving this asshe,s losing the ability to organize anything and would only add to the confusion if she tried. My once well organized tidy apt. has become out of control. I,ve cut back to working two days a week and I still can,t keep up with it. I work cleaning houses and coming home after a day making someone else,s home beautiful and clean to see our apt. is so frustrating it affects my ability to concentrate and makes me edgy. I have a tendancy to plant myself in front of the computer and focus on the screen to escape long enough to regain my coping composure. I "have" to stay calm and steady with him because if he sees me worked up it affects him and makes the alz. worse. I,m afraid of letting myself get worked up and triggering an episode of bp induced rants of anger. Which in turn affects him and he closes up shop on me and withdraws into himself. So it,s become a vicious circle, I spend my time trying not to get aggitated and upsetting him but I can,t work at cleaning up and restoring order to the mess that is the main source of my agitation. I,ve never slept well so my solution is to tackle it after he,s asleep making as big a dent in it as I have the strength left to do after a long day. I feel very alone in my stuggle at times but it helps to come here and read the comments as well as the bp website (did I give you that). I have to go now, my husband is physically handicapped as well and there are more demands on my time right now because of his recent surgery. I hope I,ve managed to make some sense and I know it will help just knowing someone out there cares and understands your special set of circumstances. Take care, I,ll write again if you,d like. Valerie