Alcoholism and Competence
My oldest brother is 55 and a hard core alcoholic. Since our father passed in July he has not spent one day sober. He has been to jail, divorced and lost everything. Myself and my other siblings live in another state. He is living in the home that we have all collectively inherited. He has reached a point of alcohol dementia to which he is incapable of paying his utility bills and feeding himself. We all fear that we will get a call saying he is dead. Can we get social services to assist us in getting him in a facility for long term treatment. He really is incapable of caring for himself at this. Wouldn't that be key to getting help for him?
This is a heartbreaking and nearly impossible situation. I'm not sure where you live, but Florida, there is a statute called the 'Marchman Act' whereby a person can be committed/taken into custody and detox / court-ordered rehab (http://www.fkoc.org/InfoPages/marchmanact.htm). You can petition the US Government to become a 'representative payee' if he is on social security. However, I know from personal experience that it's nearly impossible to take 'guardianship' of an addict (even if they want you to -- and far, far harder if they're fighting you).
In the absence of something like the Marchman Act in whatever state you are in, a family intervention leading to inpatient treatment is likely your best bet. Check with his health insurance to see what is covered. By not addressing it, and allowing him to live (drinking himself into oblivion) in the home that you all have collectively inherited without addressing the situation, you're enabling his behavior and allowing the disease to fester. My fear would be not that he would end up dead (that's clearly the behavior that he is choosing) but that he would end up killing someone else - driving to get his next bottle, leaving the gas on and a house explosion ... who knows. It will be hard, but you have to love him enough to fight for him even if he won't fight for himself anymore. Grief counseling (finding the root of WHY he's drinking) will be a key to success. It's a difficult path your family finds itself on - one that many, many of us have walked/are walking too. You're not alone. Good luck, my thoughts will be with you.
Thank you for your reply. He is in Kentucky and we are all in Ohio. The root of his alcoholism is unknown. He started as a teenager. I think maybe he was self-medicating to cope with mental illness. He was an angry little kid as I recall. My other siblings want to just put their head in the sand and hope it goes away. He does get a bit violent when really intoxicated. I have been having nightmares about him driving and killing someone. I'm not sure what the laws are but I am going to find out. I think he needs to know even if it is only from me and my husband, that this must stop.
Again, thanks for your reply.
Susan: you know in your heart that it won't go away, and by having the courage to do something you may be saving a life beyond just your brother. Keep that in mind as you move ahead, no matter how hard it may be. Too many addicts think their behavior doesn't affect others - but of course, it does.
I am familiar with a program in Louisville, KY that is highly regarded:
http://www.thehealingplace.org/
They would certainly have resources to help you determine state law and local options for intervention, counseling, detox, etc. Wishing you strength and courage.
