How to Handle Difficult Behaviors
Resists help
Possible causes:
A reaction to loss of independence or control; dislike of a particular helper.
What to do:
Show empathy. The person may be trying to maintain an illusion of independence by exerting one of his or her remaining powers, that of using the word no. Express that you understand and appreciate that it's difficult to need help.
Be creative. Call an aide a "housekeeper." Find a personal assistant who also does hair, and pitch her services through that description.
Get a persuasive third party involved. Your loved one may ignore your help but listen to the appeals of a neighbor, friend, clergyperson, or more senior relative.
Extol the benefits. Help your loved one get past viewing help as being symbolic of loss by talking up what he or she will gain. "If you let me automate your bills, you'll probably make fewer errors and have more time for things you like to do, like reading." Or, "If an aide helps you with bathing, we won't argue so much over the way I do it, and that's a big plus for both of us."
