Questions About Senior Life

1. What could I leave for my children to remember me?

   Question - I do not have long to live and I have three young children. I am also very quickly loosing strength. I have already cross stitched a blanket for my oldest (8) but now need to make something for my other daughter(1) and son (6). Any ideas?

2. I don't like my mother, but I love her. Is there anything I can do to improve our relationship?

   Question - It sounds like your mother has succeeded in getting her needs met while mistreating first you and then your step-dad. To the extent the two of you have sanctioned her behavior by ignoring the mistreatment and doing her bidding, she has had no motivation to change.
   1 Expert Answer, 59 Community Answers

3. How do I help remedy a sibling conflict about our dad's care?

   Question - It must be very stressful to be in a family where one member can be "beaten up" by others. Was this a unique event or has this been going on for years in one form or another? If so, is it always the same person who gets ganged up on, or does the victim change every time...
   1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

4. What Can I Do About Leg Discomfort That Wakes Me up in the Night?

   Question - What you likely have is called restless leg syndrome, a type of involuntary movement disorder that causes itchiness, tingling, prickling, and other vague symptoms that prompt sufferers to feel they have to move their legs. There are many ways to treat it, depending on the factors that might be triggering it...
   FAQ 1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

5. Will Mom's doctors ever communicate with me?

   Question - Your problem is not unique and it certainly if NOT limited to trying to deal with your mother's medical team, especially her doctor(s). I have experienced more of this than I even care to think about in the last year. A simple example of this is my trying since last week to get a follow up appointment...
   4 Community Answers

6. How do I prepare to die?

   Question - but what if you have no belief in jesus (any) god, the supernatural, or the afterlife whatsoever. And don't even fully believe in the difference between "good" and "bad" except contextually. how will that person be comforted? i guess it doesnt matter if they are, there is no imperative that anyone be comforted...
   28 Community Answers

7. What kind of diet will best help me battle colon cancer?

   Question - It sounds like you have an understanding of the elements of a healthy diet. There is nothing specific that you should concentrate on in terms of food that you're not already doing. Be sure that you drink plenty of water as well, as this is important to every body function.
   1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

8. Should I be tested to see if I'm likely to get Alzheimer's disease since my mother had it?

   Question - Deciding whether to be tested for Alzheimer's is an individual decision, and one that your doctor can help you make. Here are some things to consider:
   1 Expert Answer

9. Will my fiancee ever get over his grief?

   Question - wow what is grief??? were did it come from, were does it go i understand dating is a little more tough,, i guess time is what you need try talking to him let him know how you feel are make a plan to go and visit her grave,, really i understand my fiancee kathy wow i love her so much, she got her money...
   3 Community Answers

10. How long can a person live without a feeding tube?

    Question - Hospice expert... you confirmed that some people wait for a love one or for a particular person to come and say words before they go... i heard it many times from the old folks but i was kinda treating it as a superstitious belief.
    6 Community Answers

11. How can I help my dad, who has Alzheimer's, communicate?

    Question - If your dad has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he may feel stressed when he can't find the words he's looking for. Word-finding difficulties are one of the early symptoms of Alzheimer's disease.
    1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

12. How can I help my demanding father -- without neglecting the rest of my life?

    Question - When older adults give up their primary living environment, they feel out of control. Even if the new facilities and support staff are ideal, it may not ease the psychological discomfort that being in a new space can create. For most elderly adults, their primary living environment represents the last area of control they have in a world of mounting losses...
    1 Expert Answer

13. What is the meaning of dying?

    Question - This is the hardest of questions -- made especially hard since your mother isn't sitting beside you to give you an easy answer, like she probably used to do.
    1 Expert Answer, 48 Community Answers

14. What's an assisted living community fee and how much is it?

    Question - Most assisted-living communities charge an application or community fee to new residents. This is a relatively new concept, but it's become the norm. The community fee is usually a onetime payment that covers the administrative cost of moving your dad into the community, the cost of refurbishing his room, and maintenance for the common areas...
    1 Expert Answer

15. Is it unrealistic to expect my father-in-law to help contribute to household expenses?

    Question - Here is my short answer based on my professionally consulting with hundreds of families that are caring for their aging parents. Answer "YES" demand that Dad contribute to the household expenses.
    1 Expert Answer, 31 Community Answers

16. What is the best way to talk to my mom about moving to a skilled nursing facility?

    Question - My mother is very willful and has insisted that she remain at home with a 24/7 caregiver. Her past caregiver recently took her to the ER with a stage 3 bedsore and was reported to Adult Protective Services. There is now an ongoing investigation. My mother is currently in a skilled nursing facility and wants to return home and is being quite difficult there...

17. How can I effectively communicate with in-home caregivers?

    Question - If you are talking about getting assistance in the hospital as an outpatient or at a clinic, I recommend you call ahead to the department you will be interacting with and explain your needs. They should be able to verify your condition and be prepared to help you when you are there, assuming you're going to a facility with a broad range of services...
    1 Community Answer

18. What can I do about my emotionally dependent mother?

    Question - It sounds like your mother is lonely and depressed, and you are the easiest, most accessible target for her frustration. I suggest that you sit down with your mother and talk about the situation before matters grow worse. If communicating with your mother is likely to be fraught, you may want to see...
    1 Expert Answer, 6 Community Answers

19. How do I talk to my elderly father about dying?

    Question - You will need to tap into your own experience and instincts on this. Some people anticipating their death--either due to illness, injury, or age--want to talk about it. Some people really don't. Sometimes it's necessary to have these types of conversations whether the person wants to or not...
    1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

20. Why does my mother talk about health issues -- in excruciating detail?

    Question - It's common for elderly people to talk about health and illness -- and just as common for their children to be exasperated by these discussions.
    1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

21. How can I get my mother, who has breast cancer, to be more active so she won't lose muscle strength?

    Question - You can't make your mother exercise and shouldn't feel responsible if she doesn't listen to you -- or her doctor. But you can refuse to let the subject drop, even if it makes her uncomfortable, and that's the easiest path to take.
    1 Expert Answer, 8 Community Answers

22. What can I do to encourage my dad to wear his emergency response device?

    Question - Tell your dad -- loud and clear -- that this device isn't a punishment; it's a gift that will allow him to live independently, in his own home, for longer. The alternatives are a full-time caregiver, an assisted-living facility, or moving in with a relative...
    2 Expert Answers, 4 Community Answers

23. My dad just died, what do I do?

    Question - Sorry for your loss. For better and worse, the first week or so after a death are often filled with attending to many details -- most of them related to tending to final details of securing end of life paperwork and final disposition of the body...
    1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

24. How can I get my mother to talk to me about moving?

    Question - If your mother isn't very old and is in decent shape for her age, then my suggestion is for you to start researching living options for her future on your own. This will bring you peace of mind but also give her space to make her own decisions while she's still capable...
    1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

25. How can I help my parent get her questions answered at the eye doctor's?

    Question - I suggest that your parent make a list of all of her questions and concerns and give it to the doctor (or to the nurse, who will give it to the doctor with your mother's chart). Then all she has to do is ask him to look at the list and tell her the answers...
    1 Expert Answer

26. How can I best communicate with someone who is in the late stages of Alzheimer's?

    Question - Communication in the late stage of Alzheimer's is a challenge. I think you are doing the right thing but do stop if she becomes frustrated with trying to get you to understand. Showing items as a clue is perfect and I would only keep asking questions if you think she is uncomfortable or in pain...
    1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

27. How do I encourage my mom to continue to want to live?

    Question - The final years of life often present many, many losses--not just loss due to death of a spouse, peers, and other relatives. Most seniors must also navigate loss of physical mobility or other senses such as sight, taste, and hearing. And then there are losses in the realm of mental capacity, vitality...
    1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

28. Can you provide me with a list of "end of life" questions to address with my family?

    Question - How wise you are to plan ahead for these life and death matters. And your question prompted us at Caring.com to get to work on fashioning this very thing. So I thank you -- and many other future users will thank you, too. And sorry to toot our own horn, but in the meantime, you can get a good jumpstart from several of the articles already on the site...
    1 Expert Answer

29. How do my sister and I come to an agreement about whether my parents should move to an assisted living facility?

    Question - The struggle between siblings over their aging parents never comes down to right or wrong. It always involves a clash of agendas that quickly degenerates into a battle of wills. In most cases, both adult children have a valid point of view about how to deal with their aging parents. In my experience, the best place to start is by talking with your parents...
    1 Expert Answer, 11 Community Answers

30. My brother and I are adults, but when it comes to taking care of my mother, we fall right back into the roles we had as children.

    Question - Family dynamics are often more powerful than we realize: it can be very hard to change patterns that are decades old. I suspect that passive communication with your brother will not work. If you step back to give your brother a chance to do more, he might not notice, even though to you the shift is dramatic...
    1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

31. Can we treat my husband's depression better than all the drugs he's been given?

    Question - I'm sorry to hear about this. Depression after a stroke is very common, and it certainly does not help to have other regrettable life circumstances.
    1 Expert Answer

32. My parents are divided on assisted living - what do we do?

    Question - This is a tough one; I don’t envy your position here. Often when a person refuses a move to an assisted living it’s based on a strong desire to remain in his/her home and maintain the lifestyle he/she has grown accustomed to, mixed in with some fear of the u...
    1 Expert Answer

33. Why is exercise important for seniors?

    Question - Exercise enables us to remain as healthy and engaged in a meaningful life as possible. As we age, our muscles weaken; our bones weaken; our cardiovascular and circulatory systems are not as efficient; our balance lessens; our eye sight worsens. All our systems begin to decline...
    1 Expert Answer

34. Will a long-term care insurance policy pay for home health care from a nurse practitioner?

    Question - A long-term care insurance policy can pay for the services of a nurse practitioner -- a nurse with advanced training -- under some circumstances. First, the policy has to cover home care. (Some policies, particularly ones issued in the 1980s, cover nursing home care but not home care...
    1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

35. How can I get my mother to go for another Alzheimer's evaluation?

    Question - Your mother's clearest perception of herself, reinforced by the neurologist who found nothing wrong, is that of a functioning and competent adult. Alzheimer's evaluations produce memorable anxiety, and it is completely understandable that she refuses to repeat testing...
    1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers