I am 18 years old and getting ready to go to college. I will also have a part time job to help pay my own expenses ( with no help from my mom and dad). My mom who does not help me at all with any of my expenses, expects me to be a full time caregiver for my grandmother. I love my grandmother but I feel it is not fair for my mother to expect this of me. Where can I go for help?
Expert Answer by Dan Tobin, M.D.
Hi:
Being a young family caregiver is stressful and it sounds like you are being asked to do a lot. It may be possible for you to talk to your Mom and explain that you can not do all she expects as you need your own time to work and relax.Maybe the two of you can find someone else to share the load.
I do not know how well you are getting along with your Mom so it is hard to know what the next best steps are. Communication is key so try and get some help with how best to talk to your Mom about the siuation.
Take care
Dan Tobin
Answer
NO, an 18 year old should not have to be a caregiver at all. That is a responsibility that should not even be asked of a young person just starting out in the world. IF this a young person chooses to be a caregiver that is one thing, but not forced upon them or anyone for that matter.
Communication is the key. I was manipulated into being a caregiver. It causes resentment and hard feelings. I am now in my 5th year, however I am not 18.
The mother of this young person should not ask this at all. Make other arrangements. Why doesn't she do it?
Answer
Your mother should not be asking this of you. You are at an age when college, friends, possibly work, is all that you should be dealing with. It is the responsibility of your Grandmother's children or other adults to tend to her, not yours.
Answer
I am one of those older gram\ndmothers 75 yrs old my answer to your question NO you should not have to be the sole caregiver it would be nice if you volunteered occasionaly to help for a few hours to give others a break but right now you should be concentrating on your education and job skills. I have a grandaughter and occasionally she helps me a bit but she works and goes to school I would never want her to give any of that up to care for me. You need to calmly talk about this and your future with Mom but don't be forced into this .
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