My dad just died, what do I do?

Sorry for your loss. For better and worse, the first week or so after a death are often filled with attending to many details -- most of them related to See also:
Winding Up Legal Affairs After a Death

See all 327 questions about Wills and Trusts tending to final details of securing end of life paperwork and final disposition of the body. While the tasks at first may seem daunting, many people actually find they are relieved to be occupied during the most raw early moments of their grief.

If you are the main person handling these concerns, you will need to be attuned to:

• finding out whether there are specific instructions for donating the body or organs or tissues
• securing a physician's certification and death certificate, which will be needed later in dealing with insurance and estate matters
• arranging for an autopsy in the rare instances in which one is required
• seeing to the details of a burial or cremation, and
• deciding whether to hold a funeral or memorial service.

Other tasks you may wish to take on or delegate to others may include;

• notifying close friends and relatives about the death
• collecting information for a death notice or obituary
• stopping newspaper subscriptions and arranging to have mail forwarded to another address
• finding someone to care for your father's pets and home if that is necessary, and
• locating estate planning documents, such as a will or living trust.

In all the busyness of this business, treat yourself gently and acknowledge your grief. Talk with friends and family -- or consult a grief counselor or clergyperson if you feel the need.

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My Father justed passed in June suddenly (not necessarily unexpected).

Understand nothing will be quick...banks assume you are a terroist, insurance companies don't want to pay you the money and family emotions run high...crying and screaming are ok but might be better kept in private. And primal screams hurt your throat.

1). Find a good funeral home-mine was God sent. 2). Find all legal documents and assets (and liabilities). 3). Share the work with other family members or ask for help from friends... you are under stress. 4). Go thorough posessions when you can. My recommendation is to sort them and box them then give yourself sometime... there maybe some items you would like that you gave away or sold in heist. (My Mother in Law put all of my Father in Laws tools and equipment on the curb never asking any of the kids about it or selling them for money ...the garbage pickers made a mint those weeks). 5). An attorney can help with the legal notifications and title and deed paperwork but it will cost money.

Hope this list helps... still going through it all now myself including being the sole trustee for the family trust and having to pick up the sole caregiver for my elderly mother...certainly not my plans for early retirement... Post if you have any questions, chances are I have been there and done that. Deepest sympathies and prayers. DV

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I am wondering how to handle going through my mother's things after her passing? My brother and I both live 2-4 hours from Dad. Our father lives where my mother's things are. I was thinking to have my brother's family and my sister in law's family help out for a weekend. This would include a 12 and 9 year old. It has been suggested to only my brother and I assist Dad and afterwards have other family members choose what they would like to have. I want no family conflicts, if possible.

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Leami,

My mother passed away in Dec 2010. My brother and I both live over 2 hours away from Dad. It has been suggested to me, it is best for my brother and I go throught mother's things with Dad. After the 3 of us have gone through everything, I plan on having the in-laws and grandchildren come and take what they would like. Afterwards, we will hire an auction house to come out and inventory, sell and send us 30-40% of the proceeds.With only the immediate family, there will be less conflicts. I am finding that only being able to go up once a month or so, it is going to take a long time to sort things out. I hope this is helpful to you.

C.

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Leami, You answered yourself? Strange.

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Live to the best of your ability. Live well, try to learn as much as possible about others, yourself--life in general. Try to leave (when your time comes) a more experienced and better person and try to help others. Death is a natural transition from one plane to another. We all just do our best and try to LIVE--that is the best testament to the people who brought us into the world.

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