Did I do the right thing in Grandpa's final hours?

4 answers | Last updated: Apr 24, 2011
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Caring.com User - Audrey Wuerl
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Audrey Wuerl, RN, BSN, PHN, is education coordinator for Hospice of San Joaquin in California. She is also a geriatric trainer for the End-of-Life...
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Audrey Wuerl said...

From your account of how your grandfather died, I think you did wonderfully. It is not easy to know the "right" things to say to someone who is dying--especially someone See also:
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we love deeply.

The very fact that you were present, that you spent the last night with him, that you told him you loved him, are all very important to the person as he/she prepares for death. The very idea of presence, being physically and emotionally present, is perhaps the greatest gift you gave your grandfather. Don't worry if you didn't give him "the total truth". He probably knew that. And he no doubt worried more about you and your feelings then him own.

Now, as you return to university, you will reflect on what has transpired and feel sadness and a great loss. This is normal, and will help you come to terms with your grandfather's death. Take comfort in knowing you did all that was humanly possible, and just like your grandmother saying "it's O.K.to go", you gave him that permission through your love.

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E Wu said...

I am very touched to hear the story of someone going through such experience with their loved ones. I myself will soon experience such experience as well. To my best understanding, there's no right or wrong answer, but the heart is there. I believe your grandpa will rest in peace when he passes away. At least having that special moments spent with him, makes you feel like you have not lost much after he is gone. Because you have fulfilled your duty.

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Main said...

You did wonderful, don't feel guilty. I have my Mother and I do tell her the truth, she understands what I say to her but when the time comes I will probably do the same so she will be peaceful and not afraid and I feel like you and probably everyone that has gone through this that we all have a guilt feeling. DID I DO EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE? God Bless You

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marinparent said...

Aw, you did GREAT! what a loving grandchild you are. My own dad is 90, with lots of health problems, but if he hears that his blood pressure numbers are good he is happy, so that's what the doctor keeps telling him, whether it's true or not--at some point, when there is nothing else to be done, why not do everything you can to ease someone's mind? You did absolutely the right thing. Hugs to you!

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