I so agree with Stu. My father, 75, is ailing with Lewy Bodies Dementia since 2006 when he showed early signs of it. Unfortunately I live in a different country away from my parents. My mom is his primary & only caregiver and I can see how frustrated she is living through this every day. Sometimes I can term her day as a living hell, though my father has not put her through it by choice. We saw a sharp cognitive decline when they visited me for a long vacation and returned to their homeland. Presently, he shows extreme aggression and anger towards my mom, beats her up at times alleging that she has stolen his belongings (like his watch), abuses her, swears at her, shouts & screams day and night, throws tantrums in eating his meals, wastes food, tears clothes and I can list down so many things here. He has been put on Seroquel (100 mg a day) along with Rivastigmine and AricepT. But the Seroquel does not ever knock him off to sleep as it is known to be. He wakes up frequently during the nights tampering around with the furniture and doors. He doesn't care whether anyone hears him or not, but screams in the middle of the night constantly abusing in his own filthy language.
My mother who is also suffering from heart ailment is put through this hell every single day. Its not that i wish that he dies for I am nobody to take away his life. But the quality of life he has now and the way it has affected my mom's life, I feel that's the limit. My mom doesn't want to put him in a care home right now as he is still fine with his bladders, except occasional bed wetting but not soiling yet.
But for the kind of care and love she thinks to give him , it puts me to shame thinking does she deserve to live through this everyday? Does she not deserve to live in a better way?
Of course I am not his care giver, but I can certainly relate to the pain and anguish she has withheld in herself, for a reason that she cannot let it come out before him.
I think I don't want my mom to suffer as I want her to healthy. I keep motivating her and encouraging her for what she has been doing so far. However I am sure it will be of a little help, as she would still live through this hell and this puts her morale down every minute.
He is my dad and I feel a sense of pity for the life he has got right now. As Stu said, I agree so. He is my dad just by face and body, but the man I knew as my dad, played with him, laughed, cried and danced with has left us long back. My mom just takes care of this earthly body of the man who is known as her husband. I don't wish that he dies, but what we can expect is just a quick decline that he passes away without much pain and anguish for himself and us. My mom deserves to move on and live for herself.