Any advice you get or take must be tempered with a dose of uncomfortable reality: Unless your mother’s boyfriend is truly acting fraudulently or abusively, it may not be possible to remove him from her life.

But your concern seems to be that he is bilking her out of her money. A bit of uncomfortable news here, too: Unless your mother can be shown to be legally incompetent to control her assets, she retains the legal right to do whatever he wants with them—at least until your powers under your power of attorney kick in.

However, if your mother’s Alzheimer’s is clouding her ability to make meaningful decisions, and your power of attorney is the type that takes effect if still is deemed to be legally incapacitated, you then are legally responsible to manages her finances on behalf. There are some fine lines in determining capacity, but most POAs specify that a doctor or two must declare the principal lacks capacity.


If you are not yet empowered to commandeer your mother’s finances under the POA, but you still see signs of financial scamming, act quickly to prevent more from occurring. Because financial elder abuse is sadly on the rise, there are a growing number of organizations to which you can turn for local help.

• Your state's Adult Protective Services agency may provide tips and intervention. Find it by searching with your state name and "adult protective services."

• The National Center on Elder Abuse operates a confidential toll free hotline at 800-677-1116. It also maintains a comprehensive list of resources for each state at www.ncea.aoa.gov/NCEAroot/Main_Site/Find_Help/State_Resources.aspx.

• The Eldercare Locator, at 800-677-1116, also directs callers to senior information and referral telephone lines in their communities.

• And INFOLINK, at 800-394-2255, directs callers to the closest, most appropriate services for crime victims.