We have recently moved my boyfriend's grandmother into a skilled nursing facility. Prior to this we were the main caretakers (he is the POA) and between the two of us we were pretty much with her 24 hours a day for the past few months. Now we are having a difficult time going to visit her. When she was at home she would tell us she wanted to go home but now it is even worse. Sometimes when we visit we try to assist in her caretaking, like trying to convince her to eat or take her pills but this often escalates until the point she is extremely agitated and sometimes physically violent. Sometimes it seems like we can trigger some of this when we visit so we have been trying to call ahead to see what kind of state she is in before we come.
My boyfriend especially is having a hard time coping with this and blaming himself when the upsets occur. He has been working relentlessly to try to figure out a schedule of when the best time of day is to visit but this isn't always consistent either. Do you have any tips on how we can make these visits more enjoyable for all parties involved?
Expert Answer by Maria Basso Lipani
The best advice I can offer you is to give it time. Transitions are tough for all involved. The decision to place a family member in a nursing home is one of the most difficult – particularly if the older adult prefers to remain at home. Often it takes time to accept that there was no other way (logistically and/or financially) to ensure their safety and adequate care. Sometimes a nursing home is often the only option.
Based on the level of need you describe, it sounds like your boyfriend did the right thing - for himself and for his grandmother. Support him if he is second-guessing himself and encourage him to allow her time to adjust to the new surroundings and routine.
Answer
goodMorning Anonymous,
Your question on how to make your visits to your loved one more enjoyable is precisely ONE of the reasons I developed Memory Jogging Puzzles and Memory Exercise Cards. Please read:
Dear karen,
I worked in a Nursing Home for 27 years before I retired. I worked in the Activity Department and began using the memory jogging puzzles after my retirement when I started Volunteering at Day Care and Retirement Homes.
The caregivers kit has been the best thing that I have ever seen to keep a residents attention and get them to reminisce about themselves and others from the past years.
I would recommend every Activity Director have this kit in there department for a weekly activity or an extra for I know it is a crowd pleaser and will put smiles on everyone’s faces. It’s easy and makes everyone talk and visit with one another.
Thank you so much,
Birdie Scroggins, AD, CAP
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For more information: http://memoryjoggingpuzzles.com
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