How can I transfer power of attorney from my brother to make caretaking decisions?
If your brother holds a valid power of attorney, then he is the one legally responsible for making the decisions--and the nursing home personnel will be required to do his bidding.
Is there any way you get to the bottom of why your brother seems unwilling or unable to communicate with both the folks at the nursing home and with you? Try approaching him in a spirit of cooperation--emphasizing that you both want what's best for your mother and that you are willing to help in whatever way you can.
Perhaps he needs a dedicated cell phone so that he can be reached more easily. He may also be willing to give you brief regular updates by phone or email if you emphasize how important it is to you. Or perhaps he feels busy with work and family matters, or is finding out that he is not emotionally equipped to take on the job of attorney-in-fact for your mother--and would actually be relieved to have someone lighten the burden.
You might contact the ombudsperson at the nursing home and present your concerns; he or she may have dealt directly with your brother and may have the best idea of what the sticking points have been in the past.
If this informal approach doesn't work, you may want to consider going to court to have your brother removed as the attorney-in-fact. This is a rather drastic step, and would require that you have strong evidence that your brother was not acting competently and diligently. The person named to act as successor would then take over if your mother named one in the original power of attorney document. If no successor was named, you would need to request that a conservator be named to make financial and health care decisions for your mother. You would most likely need to hire an attorney for help to accomplish these legal tactics.
If the brother is responsible for making the decisions and doesn't do it then you need to petition the coursts for guardianship and conservatorship power of attorney is not enough .
"How can I help you?" is the right first question to your brother.
Been there. The Nursing Home repeatedly had problems with my brother not doing what needed done for Mom. I live 875 miles away. I ended up going to court for guardianship/conservatorship. Yes, my brother was upset. Would I do it again? Easy...yes. I was temporary guardian/conservator for about a month and then Mom passed away several weeks after my being officially appointed. Now I'm being appointed representative of the estate. Big job living so far away but somebody has to do it. I don't think my brother intentionally set out to do wrong by Mom. I think he got overwhelmed and needed help but wouldn't ask. And he wasn't on good terms with the staff at the Nursing Home. It's important to communicate with them. After all, they are the ones looking after your loved one.
If he is not acting in the best interest of your parent; confront him and nail him to the wall. Tell him he either relinquishes POA or you will report him to the Department of Health and Senior Services, for Elder neglect which will ultimately end him up in court and possibly jail time. Further have your attorney review this statement and the facts an draft a letter to him ordering immediate cease and desist or you will pursue legal action in a court of law.
I would ask the nursing home to document all of their attempts to reach him and his lack of response, and also keep a log of my own attempts. You could use this documentation in court.
I agree if the brother who has power of attorney is not acting in the best interests of the mother, he should be removed as such. I do not know law, but I was wondering if anyone knows if it is true that DPOA isn't doing what is in best interest, can they really be held criminally liable? In the case of mother inlaw who falls a lot, hits cars and fences while driving,has delusions and calls police and sends letters to them accusing neighbors (and family members) of stealing, is diabetic but refuses to take proper care of herself for it because she says doctor is in a conspiracy, and she has been scammed by fake "doctors" who sell her cancer cures and other herbs, causing financial problems. Would this possibly be considered failure to act in her behalf by DPOA or no? I worry all the time about her driving and the potential harm to her or others, but she has never been made to go be tested at DMV for safety, as he refuses to "upset her".
