How can I plan for supporting my mother until she's 65?
wow im sorry to hear about your situation my mother in law has AD n is only in her 50's n we cannot find any help for her at all even though she was a nurse she quit working b 4 we realized she was having trouble so the quarters expired for her ss theres nothing i can find we r maxing out credit cards n Dad has doubled on the mortgages if you hear of anything please let me know. JadaCR
Oh, boy. You have a tough situation.
I think the first thing to sort out is whether or not your mom actually has dementia (or another diagnosable mental or physical illness) that might qualify her for social security disability (if she has worked long enough) or Supplemental Security Income (SSI) (if not). (From what you say, I can't be sure.) So that would involve getting a release of information so you can talk with her doctor, if she has one, or getting her to a doctor for a physical exam and mental health evaluation. (No, I don't think this will be simple!)
Then step two, IF she actually has a very severe disability, would be to apply for Social Security and/or SSI. Also, along with this, you should apply for Medicaid and Food Stamp(SNAP) benefits. Then you should try to get her into subsidized housing, that will charge her on a sliding scale based on her income.
Step two, if she does NOT have dementia or another very severe disability, is to do some hard thinking about whether you want to be supporting her at all. At 53, she has plenty of years ahead of her to actually be working. But people (particularly those with alcohol problems) sometimes manipulate their family members into supporting them when it is in nobody's best interest to do so. Al-Anon, I have heard, can be very helpful to people like you.
If I was absolutely certain that there is no genuine physical or mental disability, I would probably tell my mom that I cannot support her, and she will have to make a plan to take care of HERSELF. (I do not underestimate how difficult this will be.)
I hope this is helpful to you.
I just want to clarify my last paragraph, above. I would only tell her this if I was certain that she did NOT have dementia or another serious disability. If she actually does have dementia, that's a different situation.
