Suggestions please on what my Father-in-Law can do to help
Answers
Marc, how wonderful that you are helping your wife care for your father-in-law.
When one asks "What can I do to help," he wants to feel involved.
Think of all the things that need doing around the house. Marc, start a TO DO list, NOW!
Wash the car.
Help make meals.
Help clear the table after dinner.
Go for a walk with the grandchildren.
Fold the towels from the laundry.
Organize tools (or screws, nuts, and bolts) in the garage.
Give a back or neck massage. Hands on contact allow for conversation and connection through touch.
This leads to the importance of sharing stories. When Grandpa is no longer here, his grandchildren will wonder:
*How did Grandma and Grandpa meet?
*What was the most mischievous thing Grandpa did as a child?
*If he is an immigrant...What was life like in Grandpa's native country?
*What did Grandpa think about his parents? Were they strict?
Some of what Grandpa shares may be factual. Other parts may be made up. However, the stories will be family treasures to remember--especially, once dementia takes its toll. Until then, repeat the questions. He may experience a moment of lucidity and the facts will shine through!
As for his thankfulness...WOW! Can you loan him to me for a week?
In answer to your second question at the end of your post...
Given how much progress dementia research has made over the past decade, his diagnosis of "dementia" may be due to a specific cause--such as Alzheimer's. I recommend getting him reassessed at a geriatric assessment center. This will give you greater insight as to his condition and what you can do to help him and what you may expect.
Brenda had some great suggestions. If your father-in-law can still read and follow directions, make lists of how to do fairly simple or more complex things as his ability allows: how to make a sandwich, and let him prepare his own lunch; how to do laundry and let him do a load or two; how to wash out the bathtub; how to wash windows; how to scrub down the shower; vacuum; mop the floor; fly a kite with the grandkids; walk the dog with someone along; wrap Christmas packages; cut out coupons; open mail; make beds; change sheets; put out fresh towels. Just think of all the things you and your wife do each day, make a list of the things that he could do - even if you might have to redo them later when he isn't around to see.
