Our stepdad isn't doing all he could to care for my mother after a stroke!

There are no easy answers if a spouse is not helping to get the best care for the other spouse. Your step-father may be getting counsel from another advisor or See also:
How a Stroke Is Diagnosed

See all 503 questions about Stroke a health care provider about the proper protocol for treatment of your mom. He may be driven by costs, may just not know the best options, or may be getting different advice on several fronts. Listed below are several suggestions to aid with this situation. 1. Take time during this holiday season to rebuild your relationships with your step-father. Whether this is face to face or phone or e-mail, begin a dialogue with him that is not adversarial or accusatory. As he is your mom’s husband, you need to work with him. It sounds like the relationship among you at one time was excellent so work to restore it. 2. Depending on how impacted your mom was by the stroke and how her medical power of attorney document is written, the person who is the medical power of attorney could be very influential in guiding the treatment process. If this person is your step-father, even more reason to reconcile with him as he will have the legal authority to help make decisions. If one or both of the daughters is the medical power of attorney then you might have a stronger position for being more involved in her treatment. 3. Another option is to contact your mom’s doctor and share with the doctor your concerns. Privacy regulations will prevent the doctor from discussing these issues with you unless your mom signed a HIPAA release authorizing release of information to you. However, not having a release, this does not prevent you from providing the doctor with your concerns and perspective that he can use in creating a plan of care for your mom. 4. Medicare does provide some excellent services with in-home therapy as well as inpatient and outpatient therapy at a rehab hospital. That is why communication with the doctor is so important as he may be following a treatment plan that your step father has not communicated. Or your step father may not be keeping the doctor informed of the issues and thus, not providing the best plan of care for your mom. It is possible that the doctor is not aware that there are significant financial resources to privately supplement your mom’s therapy services. 5. You and your sister are saddened and grieving at the loss of your mom as you knew her and your step-father is also. This may be clouding his judgment. Work with him and through your mom’s friends to acknowledge his Listed below are several suggestions to aid with this situation. 1. Take time during this holiday season to rebuild your relationships with your step-father. Whether this is face to face or phone or e-mail, begin a dialogue with him that is not adversarial or accusatory. As he is your mom’s husband, you need to work with him. It sounds like the relationship among you at one time was excellent so work to restore it. 2. Depending on how impacted your mom was by the stroke and how her medical power of attorney document is written, the person who is the medical power of attorney could be very influential in guiding the treatment process. If this person is your step-father, even more reason to reconcile with him as he will have the legal authority to help make decisions. If one or both of the daughters is the medical power of attorney then you might have a stronger position for being more involved in her treatment. 3. Another option is to contact your mom’s doctor and share with the doctor your concerns. Privacy regulations will prevent the doctor from discussing these issues with you unless your mom signed a HIPAA release authorizing release of information to you. However, not having a release, this does not prevent you from providing the doctor with your concerns and perspective that he can use in creating a plan of care for your mom. 4. Medicare does provide some excellent services with in-home therapy as well as inpatient and outpatient therapy at a rehab hospital. That is why communication with the doctor is so important as he may be following a treatment plan that your step father has not communicated. Or your step father may not be keeping the doctor informed of the issues and thus, not providing the best plan of care for your mom. It is possible that the doctor is not aware that there are significant financial resources to privately supplement your mom’s therapy services. 5. You and your sister are saddened and grieving at the loss of your mom as you knew her and your step-father is also. This may be clouding his judgment. Work with him and through your mom’s friends to acknowledge his grief as well as yours. Don’t give up. Work together with your stepfather to get the best care for your mom.