Can I handle my mother's finances and not upset my siblings?
First of all, IMMEDIATELY, DO AS YOUR MOTHER ASKED YOU and take over her finances. Forget about your brother and sister, nothing will ever make them happy, but this WILL make HER happy. Right now, she is all that matters. She trusts you, and she is rewarding that trust with responsibility.
Then, CALL an elder law attorney ( A WOMAN ATTORNEY would probably be best,) and ask for a "home" consultation. Tell the attorney's office it is a CRITICAL EMERGENCY and you need the appointment TOMORROW IF POSSIBLE. TIME is of the essence.
Your mother's funds should be used to pay for the attorney. Your mother and ALL you children will benefit from the professional handling of her estate. If an accountant is called for the attorney will be able to arrange everything. The attorney will assist her by executing a Durable Power of Attorney for Health and Finances, and reviewing her WILL with her.
Let the attorney review your mother's final wishes with her PRIVATELY, without input or influence from any of you children. Most people want to treat their offspring equally. However, it would also be a disservice to yourself and your mother not to inform the attorney of the important long-term role you have played in your mother's life - and in her journey into death. This is only fair. JUST DON'T WAIT.
Good luck, and HURRY! It will make your mom SO happy and give her a real sense of peace. And, it will simplify things after her death. Let a professional be the bad guy. It's worth every penny...
I'm not sure when this was written so it may be too late for your Mom, but not for other aging parents and their families. I would recommend getting on the AADMM.com website and finding a local daily money manager who may be even more experienced than an accountant in handling this type of situation. As DMM's we work in seniors' homes on their daily financial tasks, including handling requests from the seniors' family and their conflicting requests. Hope this works out!