How can I spare my husband's pride when asking him not to drive anymore?

Thank you for your question and for providing enough detail to get a glimpse of your husband -- beyond a collection of diagnoses, but as a proud, very high-achieving man See also:
How can I stop my father driving?

See all 22 questions about Taking Away the Keys - that you love after 50+ years of marriage. I can tell you that in general, driving cessation is harder for men compared to women, because it has been such an integral part of the male identity and gender role.

But you mention a couple of points that give me hope this conversation about senior driving may not turn out to be the battle you are dreading. First, he hasn't driven in a year. That works in your favor because he has, in effect, changed his driving behavior. Whether he renews his license next year or not, it may not mean that he will want or expect to actually drive. Talking about being able to drive is different than taking the car out for a drive -- and it may give him comfort and allow him to save face if he asserts that he could drive, but in reality doesn't drive.

Second, his ongoing care needs mean there are multiple health care providers who can help negotiate this issue with you. They can be the "policeman" for you. Talk over the issue with the one you feel most comfortable with. (I'd think the opthamologist may be a great resource and experienced in these types of discussions). Third, read through the articles on caring.com about talking about driving cessation. Having open-ended questions or other statements ready in case the issue does come up will help to reduce your dread.

Finally, I would just like to tell you how much I admire the love and support you give to your husband. Make sure you take care of yourself, too. Caregiving is hard work and takes a toll. Do things every day that enrich your soul and lighten your load.

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Thank you. Your answer gave me some good things to think about, and I appreciate your time. I have been finding this website helpful in a number of ways, reading articles on Parkinson's and Alzheimer's , since my husband's condition is unclear, and none of his "professionals" have given a definitive diagnosis. You are also helpful in reminding me that I MUST find time for ME, and I have found that when he naps I can do some exercises and then meditate for 15 or 20 minutes. Thank you again for your thoughtful consideration of our situation.

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