How do we help my mom, who has moved into an assisted living facility, "say goodbye" to her old home?

I think it's very important to let her say goodbye as long as she is of sound mind and can understand that that is what she is doing. However, you See also:
What's an assisted living community fee and how much is it? mentioned she was forgetting to eat and drink. That is not a good sign -- have you had her evaluated for dementia? If not, that may be something to consider.

Once you are confident that her mental state is clear enough to handle the visit, it is important to communicate clear guidelines about what you are doing. Make sure she understands before the trip that you are going to "say goodbye," so that there is no risk she will think she is going back to her former home to stay for good

If possible, it would also be a good idea to have a non-family member -- ideally a staff member from her current residence -- go with you. This would make it crystal-clear that the visit was only that -- a visit -- and that the connection to her new home was not being severed.

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I think it's a good idea to have some of her items in her room, particularly anything that's very important to her, perhaps a trunk with mementos, or photo albums, or her wedding photograph. I feel they do two things - one, they solidify the truth that life moves forward, things change, but that doesn't mean life is over; and two, that they are her memories of happy times and they should remain that way, no matter where she's living.

Best wishes!

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