Do I have to care for my disabled sister?

2 answers | Last updated: Dec 13, 2013
An anonymous caregiver asked...

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whisper1 answered...

I know exactly how you feel. I am taking care of my 49 year old sister who has short term memory loss from the oxygen being cut off 28 years See also:
Medicare and Mental Health

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ago. My parents kept her in the house with absolutely no social activity, nothing for all those years.

My dad passed away 19 years ago, and my mom is now in an assisted living home with severe dementia. I have sole custody of my sister, as stated in the trust and living will, and my life as of 8/09 has not been the same.

I am single and support myself, renting a room in a house with my sister renting the other room in the same house. I had to quit my job, lost my benefits and I feel like I have gone over the edge. I have called every single place, person, etc., and no one on this planet can tell me what I can do! She does not qualify for group homes because she cannot cook or medicate herself, etc. I have no one else to help me and I really need to get back to work! Even brain injury facilities cannot help. Churches out, hospitals out.

I can't do this for the rest of my life.

Who can help?


More Answers
JMG2183 answered...

I am so sorry that you have to experience that. My younger brother was born with cerebral palsy and lived with profound mental retardation. He was the center of my family's life and - in my opinion - his existence (not his fault of course) ruined my poor mother's life. He died suddenly and without pain last May at the age of 50 and it's only now that I'm beginning to be honest about what a negative impact he had on my family.

You have the right to be free of your sister. You have the right to care for your son too.

Most people won't admit this. Instead, they will have some kind of sentimental approach to this question that has nothing to do with reality. Of course we should eliminate discrimination against the disabled, but glamorizing disability and acting like it's not a horrendous burden on others are nauseating.

If you want to talk, feel free to email me Good luck.


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