Burned out, past it, "well beyond burned out". Ready to also, grab my belongs and leave.
This is the "fourth parent" I have had to care for, and I am past done. We don't have the ability (which should be paid for all of us who cannot) to have our elder/sick parents in a 24/7 facility that is not a "HUD run dump".
I go 7 days a week, 24 hours a day...and have been since 24 yrs old. Now, 42.
I have "now" my husbands father, and he is the hardest of all.
My husband has three older siblings (in their 50's & 60's) who "of course", have more excuses "why" they could never take care of him or let him live with them. (Too busy taking nice vacations and oh all love alcohol and drugs, so they really are too busy to care for their parents).
(It was no different with my mother in law, she was with us till she past in 2005). And right into caring for my father in law after she past away.
No vacations, no friends night out, friends over for parties or get togethers, no going to movies, no romantic get a ways with my husband, I can't even get a haircut.
We have to drag him everywhere (we cant trust him alone), because besides being an 82 year old alcoholic (which my Sister in laws help along if they "graciously" take him once a month for a visit, he just falls asleep from the booze, so they don't have to deal with him while in their care! lovely daughters huh?
(I don't allow him at my brother in law's home, since he is a drunk & drug addict at 50+ years of age!)
Also my father in law, has dementia, diabeties, stage 4 COPD, Emphasma, pulmanary fibrosis, and all the additional things that come with those diseases. They are progressing.
He's on Oxegen at night (soon will be full time), gets Four breathing treatments a day, can be up to eight if real bad. And thats our job, mainly me, he gets confused & has no clue how to do the treatments.
And I handle everything else, doctor appts, getting referrals, taking him to the appts, handling health insurance, car insurance (yes he drives, and shouldn't be, been begging the primary to take it which they know he shouldn't be driving, and of course, they do not help on that).
We take him grocery shopping, I cook his dinners, then have to find little "jobs & tasks" to keep him busy (so he does not drink, but the breathing is getting worse, so we bearly give anything to do anymore).
He can be sweet and funny, "we try" to keep him that way, but he can get violent soon as you bring up anything of importance (Stop drinking,finances, stop driving, personal things we handle but we can't talk to him about without him flipping out.
And he is also an ex-con. Yes served a year in jail in his late sixties for attempted murder, and he's under my roof! Off parole as of four years ago.
I have "tried" to get help, "RESPITE CARE" (TIME OFF, AND A MENTAL BREAK), but we are entitled to "NOTHING".
We want to get Medicaid, so we can get a week a month of respite care, before I fall over or my husband, "soon for one of us", thats an understatement.
But with Medicaid, you need to be "super poor", he has too much income? Bearly 1,100.00 a month, and he apparently gets too much?
The place we are looking at is 130.00 day, and they have to stay a minimum of 1 week, we cannot afford it, and "he's a tight wade"!
(Understatment on that, one thing we don't handle is his money, and at this point we should, everything has tripled in costs since he's been here).
This is why we need Medicaid, he has health insurance and Medicare, but the Respite facility said Medicaid would pay the costs...Again, "he's not entitled"???
Also being denied of any help because, he's considered INDEPENDENT. Because he drives!!! (bearly drives, we take him "everywhere", he drives up the street to the post office, thats about it!...But the car has to go, but I am petrified of him, and not gonna be the one to do it, the doctors should, they have known for years on this concern).
Not sure wether to pack up my stuff and leave, or find a single bullet for myself. "Is there any help what so ever in the State of PA"???
I am on disability for several health issues...."I cannot go much longer", my sister in laws are "besides unreliable, also irrespondsible". We need help, and a break!
(My mother in law came here in 2004, past away in 2005, he moved in right after her death....And its April 2011, I have "not" stop running yet, I need help)!
Mind you, "before" all of this & marrying my husband, I had to care for and/or bury, my only sibling who was killed the same day I lost a daughter (I was only 24).
My mom had a stroke from losing a child, so I had my parents with me, to care for her. She & my brothers wife were both diagnosied with cancer the "SAME WEEK" in early 1996, by Nov. 96 my mother past away, two months later my brothers wife past away.
Then, buried a step-neice in 2002, and my father was with me after my mom passed, and lived with me and my husband, and he died from severe complications after a horrible car accident the same year, 2002.
And I feel bad I even want to have my Father in law go stay in Respite care for a bit.."why"? I have no clue??? I am a good person, my life and marriage have been on complete hold because of my husbands parents & family, why the guilt? I dunno??
But I feel like Im gonna have a stroke or heart attack from all of this, or kill myself, Is that the Goal for Medicaid and Aging & Adult Services in PA? To see Caregivers "KICK" the bucket???
I sleep in my Dining room, have been four almost FIVE YEARS, because:
A. "He scares me", and being downstairs I feel safer, and make my husband sleep in the living room to watch him come down the stairs, so the couch is his bed.
B. He gets up at "2 or 3" in the morning sometimes, and the neighbors would tell us they would see him when they came home from working night shifts drinking on the side of our house !!!
(I forget what it's like to have a bedroom, let alone a home or marriage). I live in this dining room...It's where I sleep, work on my computer, my clothes are in a pile, no closet in here, basically where I live. I have two ways out of my dining room should he "flip out", understand)?
Ok, so I have vented my issues of being a Caregiver, and rightly so, I am exhausted and need help like so many of you.
I do see the rest of you with your problems as well, some not as severe, "never the less", your stressed out, and none of us should have to have this much burden "And no assistance from our Goverment, this is ridiculous".
My point, if you can or cannot afford a 24/7 assisted living, or you do it from home because of lack of funds....We should have a better plan for this particular area of Healthcare, a specific "Caregiver Program", no matter if your rich or poor".
We should "ALL" be helped not only on the Financial stand-point, but "What about our Health & state of mind"?? Also a special Health Plan, to take care of us! Good lord...My girlfriend had a mild heart attack caring for her mother, and that was only six months!
I told her after she got better, "sweetie your a Rookie, do my job lets see you handle this"!
DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE ABOUT THE "CAREGIVERS"??? Our Health? Our Finances? Marriages? Homes? Our mental well being, cause I am ready to snap soon!
We are the "unseen" nurses in the Country....and are not recognized or helped, we go "three shifts" non-stop, without pay or a break.
Are there any States in the US, that give the Caregivers the needed assistant and help???
(Not in PA, unless you can afford 70 to $90,000 a year for a good assisted living facility).
So, why is the State of PA not "paying me" that amount then???
I DO ALL THE WORK, three shifts of Nursing, Medications/treatments, CNA work, Housecleaning & the Cook!(And more!) Hum, see my point?