How can I stop my aunt from refusing cancer treatment? My aunt is 56 and has been diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. It hasn't spread outside of the breast. She is wanting to refuse all types of treatment including removal of the infected breast. I believe the reasons include money and fear of the side effect of treatment.Can you give some advice on this issue? What would be the effects of the cancer left untreated? What would it entail for me to take care of her?
Expert Answer by Bonnie Bajorek Daneker
Hi Lucinda,
We need to stop and think about something: This may sound a little like "tough love," but why do you specifically want her to get treatment? It could be because you love her and want to see her healthy, or because you're concerned about the ability to care for her, or many other reasons.
It's important to understand your motives because it may be part of why she is refusing cancer treatment. Many cancer patients feel "out of control" because something is happening to them that they did not want and didn't plan for. They can't control people's reactions (like yours) and they can't control their own future.
What they can control is when they make decisions. Remember, she is "captain of her healthcare ship" until such time she signs Power of Attorney over to you and is deemed unable to make her own decisions. This means that regardless of her reasons - fear, monetary concerns, etc. - you must honor them, no matter how painful they are to you. But I suspect that part of her refusal is your insistence. Could you try another approach with her: give her information she needs about the progression of the disease (www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Sites-Types/IBC), as well as treatment options (from her oncologist) and funding options (on indigent programs from various pharmaceutical companies). Give her time to go through the information and understand the pros and cons about treatment. Offer her others to talk with through the Susan G Komen breast care helpline at 1-877 GO KOMEN (1-877-465-6636). Let her know you love her, you'll help out with whatever she decides, and that she can change her mind if she wants to. Then be there when she needs you.
That said, you'll want to do some preparation on your side. Read whatever you give her. Be prepared to talk about it. IBC has a lower survival rate than other forms of breast cancer, so find out the exact prognosis from her doctor and use the time wisely. If she still refuses treatment, do comforting and happy things together. For example, pull together a care basket of wonderful, soothing things to deal with swelling and discomfort of her breasts, like a soft robe, baby lotion, and bath salts. Ask her how she feels about soft cup, non-underwire bras that will support her swelling - she may need larger bras and many women find comfort in these. Watch for topical infection, which must be treated immediately.
She may be dizzy, tired, and irritable as well, so keep your flexibility with her changing moods. Suggest a little exercise (like walking), good nutrition and plenty of fluids.
Internally, she may deal with metastasis, or spread. Because IBC is an advanced form of breast cancer, it could spread quickly. With metastasis, there will be many other symptoms, depending on where and how fast. You probably won't know it has spread until you, she or the doctor notice the symptoms. She should still get regular checkups, even if she does not take curative treatment, to help regulate any pain, nausea or other discomfort she may have.
Lastly, if you are blood-related to your aunt, get yourself checked regularly for good breast health. There is some evidence that IBC is genetically linked and you'll want to be in good health yourself to take care of her.
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The answer from the expert is so thorough and understanding - thank you. Your Aunt needs your love and support now more than she needs anything. Maybe your fears all come down to one fear - that you fear the death of your Aunt. Totally understandable. Please know that your Aunt is aware of the possibility of death and all the other concerns that you have as well.
As hard as it may be for you to do, she probably just needs you to "sit" with her right now and not do anything other than just be supportive and understanding. When she is ready to make some decisions regarding the cancer, she will.
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I actually applaud your aunt for her decision. As the expert said, she may be feeling out of control because of the diagnosis and your insistence on treatment. My guess is that she may have a change of heart when you back off and let her be alone with her thoughts for a while. Sometimes we, as caring relatives, are so focused on what WE think is the right thing to do that we forget about what the patient actually feels/wants. We also become quite selfish. We don't want to lose our loved one so we try to do anything/everything possible to save them. Please let your aunt have her feelings for a bit. She needs to feel that she IS in control.
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I wonder what this woman's doctor(s) have said to her, what treatment has been recommended or considered. Maybe a way to help her would be to suggest that she get another opinion or explore more of what is available to help her, whether she gets "treatment" or not. For example there are Gilda's Clubs around the country and other kinds of wellness programs--(Harmony Hill, in Washington State, is one example)... she could get support from others, whether or not she is receiving aggressive treatment, and find out more about how other people with cancer are approaching their care.
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I have decided this is not very clear. So I have put another answer in another answer.further down. well I refused cancer treatment And I have turned into a weirdo (Yes still valid) Yes just this this morning I saw a old couple struggling with a shopping trolly,before I knew what I was doing I was helping them into their car lifting heavy packages and .listening to the terrible suffering they have been through.and generally being helpful. I am a now a Do gooder! All my own fault. Using spirtuallity to help me fight cancer,caused this. I seem to love everybody.and every thing. I keep looking at the wonders of life all around and ignore the bad stuff. Being on cloud nine I think it's called . I even love my cancer, So beware Taking no treatment has side effects, Love from crazy Ken I forgot to say how wise I thought Bonnie the expert was. Seriously not having treatment is not a option . I refused the medical treatment that was offerred. But I give 101 per cent to fighting my cancer, with my diet exersize , My mind . with Spirituality and my,atitude,I fight cancer but I enjoy doing it. I have nothing to lose but my life.
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Having no treatment.is not sensible. I say I have no medical treatment. But do see my Doctor on a regular basis. I have just come back from my doctors, This morning she examined the lump in my stomach by feeling it.but she wants me to have another scan.to get more information. In seven years I have had loads. (See how it grows:)So I declined. I told her it was a waste of time; when I feel the need,I will. She arranged a appointment for a blood count. She explains the pro'and con's of not doing what she wants. A Great Doctor. So when I say I have no treatment. I mean not for cancer which is stomach removal and no options. I have build a gym.I exercise every day, I eat nor drink anything that is bad for me, And everything that is good. My mind is of prime importance. Spiriuality that is dealing with your spirit, and keeping it positive. Am I wasting my time printing this? Negative thought ! ,kick it out. I love you all.Ken
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