Is this hospice nurse getting to personal with my widowed mother?

A fellow caregiver asked...

Recently my family lost my dad. Hospice was there and now we have a hospice nurse who is always coming over with her husband to see my mother and asking all kinds of personal questions. "How much land do you have?" and "what are the guns worth?" She even had my mother pay for gas and a dinner for her and her husband. My mother in a town 100 miles away. Is this normal policy? I am concerned how about how personal she is getting. My mother is very vulnerable right now. We are afraid of what she is really after.

Expert Answer

Audrey Wuerl, RN, BSN, PHN, is education coordinator for Hospice of San Joaquin in California. She is also a geriatric trainer for the End-of-Life Nursing Education Consortium (ELNEC), which promotes education in geriatric nursing and end-of-life care.

From your description, it sounds like your mother could use some support from you. It is not the normal "follow up" for any hospice to keep in contact with the family of the deceased in the way you describe. Hospice offers bereavement follow up care for up to one year to support families during the grieving process, or through mailed satisfaction surveys. That is what hospice care signifies: caring and support when cure is no longer an option"”for your dad, and now for your mom through bereavement care. What you are describing should never happen.

If you suspect your mother is being taken advantage of, such as someone trying to get money from her, please contact her local County Department of Aging. There are strict rules, and fines and even jail time, for persons who abuse elders. It is called Elder Abuse and can be physical, sexual, emotional, or financial. Also, please alert the hospice who cared for your dad and let them know what is happening.