Unfortunately, there aren't many programs that can help make a dent in the huge cost of caregiving, although you do have some options.
In some cases, if your father-in-law
is on Medicaid, he can designate a family member as his personal home care aide and you can get paid a small amount through Medicaid.
If you can show that you pay at least half of your father-in-law's yearly expenses, you can claim him as a dependant on your taxes, and reduce your taxable income by $3,300 and claim a range of deductions including a portion of your parent's medical and living expenses, as well as the costs of nursing home care.
If your father-in-law is a veteran, he may be eligible for a little known benefit from the VA that helps pay for long term care, including in-home care. This benefit is called the Non-Service Connected Improved Pension. The benefit can pay up to $998 per month for a widow, $1,554 per month for a veteran, or $1,842 a month for a married veteran.
Some large employers offer elder care assistance with their benefit plans, so check with your or your wife's employer to see if this is something they offer. Also, you can go to benefitscheckup.org to see if there are any local or state grants or programs that may reimburse you for some of the expenses of caregiving.