Please be careful. I have cared for dad for 7 years, his money is gone, I had to build him a room and fix the house in order for the state to approve my home for him to live here, it cost me money but he has been here, still laughs, talks and walks after 7 years of Alz. Had he gone into a home that money would have disappeared. Now with his SS and mine we barely make enough money to live from day to day, but I give up my money to care for him in a 24/7 manner. And while it is said, gee you get his SS this is a joke, since half of mine and all my food stamps go to him. I would not put him in a home, he is only alive from the miracle of love (words the doctors have used not my words). When he goes I will most likely lose the house that I got when mom died, because I cannot afford the bills here. I have asked for nothing, my family does not really help at all, other than one brother who buys the gloves for my aides. I ask them all to stop giving me opinions of where he belongs because no one even comes to see him here much less in a nursing home. And no one has lived the last 7 years here with dad and me. Quite frankly I have told friends and relatives that if they want to help stop telling me to put him in a home, come to see him, and support me with your friendship.
As for money, please understand I am allowed with a 7% co pay, 6 hours of aides a day, that leaves me with 18 hours a day with dad in a wheel chair and needing to be fed, washed, turned, walked, etc. It costs me everything from diapers, to cleaners and disinfectants to two or more loads of laundry per day, to vitamins, over the counter meds, meds not covered by insurance, supplements like elderberry and other things I give him to keep him healthy, and monthly payments on everything from his burial trust to his many medical bills. His food alone is 20 or more dollars a day!
You might think an elderly person has loads of money, but in fact, if you put them in a home the money is taken and if you care for them at home the money goes away faster than you can imagine.
The animosity some of you have I understand completely but not all of us are evil greedy money thieves. I have given 7 years of my life to my dad and will do so until he dies here, that is my choice, it would not have been the choice of the rest of my family, who believe wholeheartedly he "belongs" in a home. It is hard enough for me, with only 3 hour increments of sleep and barely enough money to feed myself much less the disrespect my family so easily dishes out.
Care giving like I do, one on one for years on end is not easy, does not allow me to go out or away at all and is just plain emotionally draining, but I am going on adrenaline at this point now he is near the end,
AS an old g/f showed up and convinced him to move in with her when he was first diagnosed, and because her intent WAS To get his money, I understand the other side, but try and see how hard it is to do what I have done for 7 years now, be supportive, not critical, and be wise about choosing to go against someone like me who has given so much of my life to my dad with no other family to help.
There are two sides to every story, I happen to know both sides of this one.
And the right thing is not to put one in a nursing home if there is somewhere that person can go and be loved and well cared for. In therapy in homes, he sits alone in the hallway, he stops talking, he sits in urine, he begins to give up hope until I show up day after day and he smiles cause he knows he will be coming home soon. He may not remember much but he is certainly in tune with his feelings and mine. Sometimes, when a patient is violent, or there is no one who can take that person yes find a GOOD home, and believe me they are few and far between.
And if you have POA then spend all their money on them, believe me people with ALZ do not die rich, unless of course someone has hired a good lawyer to hide all the money somehow, the facts remain it costs a fortune to care for them at home, but is worth it to me, because dad was a good man and a good father to us all.
I hope this helps to put out some of the fires out there, realize how hard it is to care for someone at home and realize how expensive and lonely a job it is before you jump down someone's throat, please.
thank you for listening,
a loving daughter.