Is this really an Orthodox tradition?
First of all, let me extend to you my condolences on the loss of your grandmother. The issue you raise is becoming more common as the number of inter-faith families rise. The idea of having your non-Jewish cousin "step-back" from graveside is not based on Jewish law. When I have officiated at funerals where there are family members who are not Jewish, I encourage the family to be united as much as possible. At momnrts of grief, the support of family and community can be transformative. I also must be honest and remind you that at such moments, many family members will call up customs or practices that they "remember" but, in truth, have no basis in Jewish law. As you can probably validate, death and funerals often bring out different behaviors within families. There are many good resources that can take you through the various customes and practices. Let me suggest "Mouring and Mitzvah" by Rabbi Anne Brener as a good popular, easy to access resource. Rabbi Richard F Address, D.Min www.jewishsacredaging.com
