Why is my Aunt forgetting how to use the toilet properly?
Urination trouble with people who have dementia is not that unusual. Now to problem solve. If she happens to urinate in "inappropriate" places many times within a short period of time, she may have a urinary tract infection, so have her see her physician. If she has problems holding urine (not unusual for a 90 year old woman) have her seen by a urologist to see if something can be done to help her.
Make sure she can find the bathroom...door open, light on, sign of a toilet on the door. I like your idea of a portable commode by her bedside, that may help her at night. During the day, remind her every several hours to use the bathroom. If your mother gets up at night to use the toilet, have her wake up her up her sister also.
I do not believe this behavior is spiteful. Your aunt has lost the ability to "think ahead" and when she has to go, she has to go- right now! She will not mention the inappropriate urination to her sister because she no doubt doesn't remember that she urinated on the rug or in a box.
If all else fails, see if she will wear an adult diaper at night.
I hope some of these suggestions work for your mother. Caring for someone with dementia is not easy she is to be commended.
Joyce Simard MSW
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