What should I say to friends who ask about my caregiving situation?

2 answers | Last updated: Apr 14, 2011
Q
kml asked...
My 77 year old mother has had a series of strokes since last summer. She now lives with my husband and I and I am her full time caregiver. What is a short, kind answer when friends ask how she is doing? "Fine" doesn't seem appropriate as her limitations are many. Is "we are taking one day at a time" acceptable? Its too depressing to go into detail about her health. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.
 

Caring.com User - Ann Cason
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As Founder and Director of Circles of Care, Ann Cason provides caregiving, consulting, and training services to individuals and public and private organizations involved...
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Ann Cason said...

I am sorry to hear about your mother's declining health. It can be tempting to talk too much about caregiving to thoughtful people who inquire. At the same time, you See also:
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want to be as authentic as possible. There is certainly nothing wrong with saying that you are taking it one day at a time. It prevents sharing intimate details about your mother. You might consider revealing a little more about yourself. For instance,"Cargiving isn't easy, but I am glad to have the opportunity to care for my mother." "Sometimes I get tired, but she has such courage." Or "When I go to bed each night, I know that my day was worthwhile." "Sometimes I feel sad for my mother's decline, but I am grateful that she can share her difficulty with me." "Sometimes, I want to give up and then I think what she is going through." There is certainly nothing wrong with saying that you are taking it one day at a time. It prevents sharing intimate details about your mother. You might consider revealing a little more about yourself. For instance,"Cargiving isn't easy, but I am glad to have the opportunity to care for my mother." "Sometimes I get tired, but she has such courage." Or "When I go to bed each night, I know that my day was worthwhile." "Sometimes I feel sad for my mother's decline, but I am grateful that she can share her difficulty with me." "Sometimes, I want to give up and then I think what she is going through."

It is such an art to speak simply, from the heart. But if you can, you can help people to experience a little glimpse of a very real and human life experience.

Asking this question shows me that you are kind and concerned for others.

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kml said...

Thank you Ann. Your response came on a day when I needed to be reminded how blessed we are that Mom is here with us. Blessings, kml

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