Should I move my mother to a nursing home?
I remember Ruby. She lived in a good Catholic nursing home. Her daughter was distraught. Her mother had left her for the nursing home. Ruby told me, "My daughter tried so hard. But I felt guilty every time I wanted something. I like my services."
Your mother if afraid that she is making your life too hard. The issure of not wanting to be blamed comes up, painfully, for so many daughters.
Since it is coming up so strongly for you, why not do some inner work? A good support group or counsellor might help. Also, a mind body exercise such as tai chi or yoga or meditation is good. Perhaps a geriatric care manager or social worker could help facilitate communication between you and your mother.
Here are some suggestions for your contemplation.
- Visit some homes. Try to visualize your mother there. Also imangine yourself there visiting and helping out. Do you like the feeling of being part of a larger environment of old age and care?
- Ask yourself this: Is moving my mother too extreme? Would we benefit by having someone come to help for a few hours a day? Do I need respite care once in awhile so I can get away for a week-end or a week? Is there family who could help with this?
- Consider this: Your mother has released you from your former promise. Times have changed. Perhaps the release is an expression of growth.
- Remember also: Care does not rest on location alone. One large component is attitude. Loving kindness is a real potential here.
