Can My Siblings and I Move a Parent With Alzheimer's out of a Nursing Home Over a Stepparent's Objections?

It depends. There's a fairly straightforward legal answer if your parent completed a power of attorney for healthcare while he or she still had the mental capacity to do so. See also:
How have you handled persuading your loved one to remain in the nursing home when he or she unreasonably thinks he or she is ready to go home?

See all 660 questions about Alzheimer's and Other Dementias In that case, if an agent or proxy was named to direct the care, then that person is authorized to make those decisions -- including whether nursing home care is in the parent's best interests.

But if there's no such document, you're probably out of luck. Unless a current spouse's actions or inactions amount to abuse or neglect, his or her wishes usually trump those of the adult children.

If you're concerned about the quality of care your parent is getting in a particular nursing home, however, there may be ways for all of you to work together to improve it.

If you have specific complaints about the care he or she is receiving, don't hesitate to take them up with the ombudsman for the facility, who will be charged with investigating and helping to reach a solution. You can find the local contact through the National Long-Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center at www.ltcombudsman.org/ombudsman.

You might also consider contacting a gerontologist working outside the nursing home who'd be willing to review your parent's care plan and make suggestions for changes or improvements.

If the consensus remains that it will be measurably better to move your parent to improve the quality of his or her care and life, try to involve the stepparent in these discussions. If dealing with your stepparent alone is difficult for you or some of the other siblings, you might find it helpful to contact the local Area Agency on Aging to discuss your concerns confidentially. A staffer there should be able to help you decide what local resources might be fitting and available to offer help with home care and other options.

And if the expanded family dynamics remain dicey, you may want to consider contacting an experienced family mediator to help figure out how all of you can work out your parent's final care and maintain a relationship at the end of life. In some locales, community boards offer free or low-cost family mediation. Or try an Internet search on family mediation or elder mediation and the area in which you live. Most mediators have their own websites that describe their philosophies, experience, and fees. Be sure to choose someone with experience in mediating family disputes and not just disputes between divorcing couples.

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