How do I help Mom handle her hallucinations, and stop feeling guilty about getting upset with her?

Your mother’s behavior and imaginings are pretty typical symptoms of Alzheimer’s and most related dementias, aggravated in people who have little stimulation in the way of purposeful activities and social See also:
How should we handle it when my mother-in-law tells us stories that are obviously hallucinations?

See all 53 questions about Caregivers interaction. Loneliness often leads to depression as well as illness. Your mother needs stimulation.

Check your local senior services for some kind of activity program; hopefully there's an adult daycare program in your area. Your local Alzheimer’s support group or Alzheimer’s Association can also be of help. You may be able to set up Share-Care group with other families in a similar situation. “Share Care” for your parents or other loved ones with Alzheimer’s or related dementia is similar to the play-dates we had for our youngsters. You can either pool your resources with other families to hire a single companion for the group or you can take turns yourselves.

When she’s left alone to “entertain” herself and with nothing to distract or divert her, it’s easy to see how she can succumb to fixating on people being in her room and the sink leaking. Another factor may be at play in your mother’s situation. The senses are affected by these diseases; taste and smell are usually greatly reduced and the sense of hearing may be affected, diminished or distorted – some people become very sensitive to loud noises and others experience distorted hearing.

People with memory problems will often accuse others of stealing from them. They have forgotten what they themselves did with items, so when they can’t locate them, “someone must have taken them.” Of course you had nothing to do with it, but trying to explain that to her may only lead to an argument and remember that ARGUING NEVER WORKS. She may be talking about something that hasn’t been around in a long time, but you’ll only invite conflict if you try to convince her that it was given to charity several years. Instead of trying to reason with her, simply tell her that you’ll be glad to help her locate the missing items and then immediately offer her a diversion.

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