my husband doesnt understand severe fibromyalgia and how my...

10 answers | Last updated: Jan 08, 2014
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Marly26 answered...

Its time that perhaps he went to the Physicians office with you. Fibromyalgia is very painfull. You not only have the pain of caring for your in laws which I give my hats off to you.I to care for my father in law and I know that at times its not easy, especially when they dont' understand how tiring it can be. The moving all the time. Its' time to perhaps sit and have a long talk and let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him you need his support now more than ever. Honesty is the best policy. If he loves and cares' for you he will do his best to help you.I wish you luck, love and happiness. I'm sure after all is said and done he will understand. Take care.

 

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mica45 answered...

dearest sweetie!!! god I feel so terrible for you! You need to tell that husband of yours that you didn't sign up to be the caregiver for his whole family. You need to tell him and also your children that YOU need help, that you are exhausted and need rest. You have the disease he doesn't. Why should he "get it" that you're sick. If he loves you he will be there for you in all ways and I do mean all ways. If he's not - DUMP HIM AND FAST. Honestly, you will feel so much relief when you don't have to answer his stupid questions.

I have RA, Fibro and Chronic Fatigue I know what I'm talking about. Please love yourself you're worth it.......

 

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An anonymous caregiver answered...

I am going through this also, right now its so hard for hm to understand something he cant see, he doesnt think my pain is real and think I just make reasons for not being able to do things. I get upset and just do things myself and end up in pain for 3-4 days because of it, I can no longer work full time and this is a test for us too. wish I knew how to make him understand. he doesnt understand when Dr tells him things at all so this wouldnt help in our situation, he has to call me from dr office for them to tell me about whats going on with him.

 

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An anonymous caregiver answered...

I just dont' know how you are coping. I myself have PA, many times' the family cant' see what I'm going through because you cant' see inside of a body. The roof has blown off more than a few times and then I get action. I to look after my father in law who has Alzeimhers'. As for your husband it seems that he has taken on traits from his father as well as his brother. You are not anyones' maid and when that pain hits so bad that you can hardly move, DONT'. Both your husband and his brother need to understand that you are simply not doing this anymore. If that means' I'm out of here, so be it. I do so hope that you may have a friend that perhaps you could spend a couple of days with. At least this will show him and his brother just what you do in a day, hopefully open their eyes'. You need time to yourself, this is really getting you down and it is so not fair. Call your local Health Agency and explain your situation, they will at least give you contacts' to get a hold of. It is time for you to help yourself and not cripple yourself helping those who could be helping you. They are human, if they make a mess let them clean it up, let them know that you will assist your mother in law because she needs you, and that in itself is not easy. Its' time both of the men clean up or clock out. You arent' going to get better, it just gets' worse. Think of yourself, you are a wonderful considerate person who has been there for all of them, its' time the tables' were turned. Sending you hugs, and I will be thinking of you. Take care my dear.

 

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An anonymous caregiver answered...

I have previously answered you abt. hubby not helping!! You were not born to be someones' slave. Where is your life? As well if he doesn't like women, why are you still there. I know many of people get into a rutt, however that light has to come on and say "I'm out of here. I am sure this thought has come to you many many times. You have a hard enough time looking after your self. I would give him an ultimatum, "Come to the Drs' with me" or "I'm gone". I bet his answer would be well if you want to leave, then leave, I would be out of there so quick he wouldnt' even blink. I know you do love him but really, are you afraid to leave. Call your local Womens' Shelter and there is one everywhere, you may bbe moved to another town, only if the Shelter is full, otherwise they would help you big time. At present you are experiencing mental and physical abuse. Dont' do this to yourself, you have to find you and that is not going to happen while living with him. Even if you leave and turn around and come back, I would be staying away. I honestly dont' mean to sound mean, and I apologize because I know that me telling you this is no doubt true. You are young yet you still have so much good life ahead of you. Do yourself a favor even if it is short lived. Pls. do not tell him where you are, he will end up calling and saying hes' sorry for everything. No doubt he will feel sorry but not for you, for himself. Pls. dont' let him fool you, if you go back you are going to fall into his nest and again you will be right back to where you left off. My heart is truly with you, it hurts me just hearing what you have said. Believe me scary (yes) but you will get over that. You will find friends that you dont' have now and they will be true friends. I would love to hear from you to say, I did it, I dont' have to run here or there, nor listen to the Mental Abuse that I have been getting. For once do something for you and feel good about it. Take Care!!

 

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67% helpful
An anonymous caregiver answered...

My mom has had FibroM for 9 years and I have had it for about 3 only being diagnosed this March 2012. Took some time for the doctors to decide what was wrong with me. Surprised I have any blood left! I find friends and family even close family don't understand or realize what it is to have this painful problem. I have still yet to understand it myself and to accept it even. I do remember when my mom first got it I did't understand or help out as much as I should have then. I don't think anyone can really understand how we feel until you have lived in our painful shoes. Sometimes I wish I had another disorder where you can see an xray, or ultrasound or blood test with the problem. That may help people see there is a real diagnosis. I have 2 kids and they don't think about mommy being in pain they just carry out their playful childhood and don't help me at all. It seems like people just don't care but they just DON'T understand. And then there are the people who think that we are weak and just push through the pain, be tough. I just can't do that any more. It's no wonder depression is one of the related illnesses we suffer from. It's just so dam depressing. I know people say to "look after yourself" but it's hard to just do that. Especially when you have been caring for everyone else for so long. I think the time will come when we will have just "had it" and quit looking after everyone and take care of "Me". It has to be our choic and we need to be ready to make that move. All the best.

 

100% helpful
Kevinvia2002 answered...

It's so sad, people know nothing exspect one paragraph and they want you to give up on your marriage. I have sever Fibm to and for two years my wife didn't get it. I was always an athlete. I've gained 120 pounds I can hardly get out of bed. We spent two years trying to find out what was wrong. The only problem Inbetween test I got worse. Some days I can hardly function. My wife left me for six months, because some idiot herd the simple one sided story. Well after six months apart, a very hurt and confused child, and six moth counseling were together. But she still doesn't have a clue how bad I am. I use to ride 100 miles a day jog and lift weights and manage an extremely successful business. Now I can load the dishwasher. But I fake it. Im not even sure if fibermialga is what I have, it doesn't seem to be bad enough from what I see in others verses my complete debilitating pain. I had my shoulder shredded in Iraq 23 years ago, nerve damage 5 surgeries and 24/7 constant pain. My hand cramped just typing or writting. It still does. But this, this is killing me. I'm 1% of the man I was. I hurt so bad I'm constantly on the verge of complete breakdown. I have a ritual to get up. And I'm always left with dirty dishes, things to clean and stuff to do. And I never imagined just walking and bending over could be torture. I use to drink I stopped years ago and I still don't for others, I just want a few hours of pain relief a week.mis that so hard. But idiots that give advice from one paragraph, well their just that idiots. Seek counseling, there is a reason you got married and another one your still there. Sometimes us men are so afraid Daniel and avoidance is all we can do when our rock starts to show cracks. And if it breaks we're not to good at seeing that,because that means we blew it, it means we failed, it means we're alone, and us men can't face those things so we put ourself in this shell of Daniel and it needs to be broke. Once it is usually the good ones can face it and start to fix their ,is takes and become the rock to her that she was to him. Sit down with a neutral moderator and tell,him how close critical failure is. It maybe seconds away but he needs you to say it and someone whose a professional to confirm it amd that it's going to be ok but he needs to change his job title now!

 

50% helpful
NanaMomMD answered...

Good info for any of your family member or friend to help them understand Fibromyalgia better. Print out the Spoon Theory and have them read it. I love this explanation of it. Sorrry I don't have the info for it. But I'm sure if you google it you will find it.

 

feelingtired answered...

I know that is very hard. Maybe it helps you to tell you that you are not alone in this. There are so many of us suffering from this illness that have partners and friends and family that just don't seem to understand. I have been using the dishwasher because my fingers and arms are so soar and I can't hold on to things very well, I loose my grip. My partner was so upset at our electricity and water bill. They just don't get it and it is a constant fight and I really don't have an answer. I just really know how it feels to live with this awful disease and have nobody to turn to and support you and help you out. It's a very lonely hard place to be and I UNDERSTAND your pain and suffering. Hope this helps you. Best wishes.

 

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over it answered...

hello everyone. god bless you all. i am 26 years old and have servere bed ridden fibro... somedays i might be able to go out for an hour but most days i just lay in bed crying n can only make it to the toilet and back. its so hard because im newly engaged and i have 3 step children n i cant do the things i want too...i wish i had someone elses body. im so depressed and i dont know how to make it through another day. i wish there was a cure. my mum has it also. nobody understands. its indescribeable pain u wanted imagine in ur worst nightmares 24 7. if your partners dont believe you tell them to read this. we r all in this together. not alone. xx

 

 
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