One thing that I'm realizing is that everyone needs to set boundaries...if someone has dementia, this will not work but in most other cases and even with our parents, we need to set boundaries...temporarily blocking phone calls (I did this one for self-preservation) I realized also that I need to stand in the shoes of my mother while not allowing her to dump "problems" continually all over me. I am sensitive so many issues that she brings up affect me. You can set a time period to listen to griping and such or do what the older person wants..my mom wanted me to listen to some tapes from her synagogue for an hour...at some point when I was starting to fall asleep, I stood up and told her that it was time for us to go out and do a few things. Don't let another person overrun you emotionally but be sensitive, have empathy while maintaining your own self-respect. One thing that I have been noticing is that my mom's health problems are out of control and she has a lot of fears, an upcoming surgery and the state of our world are upsetting her to the point where she lashes out. She was from a kinder, gentler world in a little European town where things just made sense and moved at a slower pace. She also misses my dad who died 10 years ago and feels unbelievably lonely. One friend said, "Just love her." Sometimes that's all that we can do and TRY NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING TOO PERSONALLY because generally if people treat you a certain way, they are also doing the same (in most instances) to everyone else so don't be overly sensitive!
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