What Can I Say to Someone Who Seems Depressed but Won't Get Help?

Here's how to approach someone who seems depressed but is in denial about it or refuses to get medical help:

• Be careful to remain compassionate, not accusatory.

• Try to point out, as neutrally and objectively as possible, specific examples of what you're seeing that seem like symptoms of depression. For example, "You seem to have trouble sleeping" or "Your mood seems different; you haven't gone to your fitness class in weeks."

• Compare the person's behavior to that of someone else you both know who has depression, if you can, so your comments seem less like a personal criticism. This could be a mutual acquaintance or a celebrity.

• Study up beforehand about depression so you can share what you know about its biology -- causes, symptoms, genetics, physiological changes, and the consequences of untreated depression. Explain that it's a real illness, not some kind of weakness of character.

An initial conversation may only get your friend or loved one thinking; it may take two or three talks for him or her to get help.

Consider who's the best person to have such a discussion. Sometimes a doctor, clergyperson, sibling, or beloved uncle or aunt makes a more welcoming messenger than a mate or adult child who's more in the middle of the person's life. Consider reporting your concerns to the person's doctor, so he or she can follow up at the next appointment.

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