How can I control the urge for sex when my partner is not well?
I am not sure controlling the urge for sex is the answer. Our sex drive ebbs and flows throughout life and is sometimes related to life circumstances. While it is normal for someone to have decreased interest in sex when they are ill, it can be frustrating for both partners. The answer lies in finding ways to express intimacy with your partner that does not necessarily include intercourse. It may be mean just holding each other in bed, massage or any number of non intercourse related activities. Let your partner be your guide about what they feel comfortable with. This can be very important to someone who is ill. You can find release for your sexual needs through masturbation which is a normal, healthy sexual activity and a great option when one partner is not up to sex. You can't force your sex drive to decrease or your urges to go away. I hope this helps. The answer lies in finding ways to express intimacy with your partner that does not necessarily include intercourse. It may be mean just holding each other in bed, massage or any number of non intercourse related activities. Let your partner be your guide about what they feel comfortable with. This can be very important to someone who is ill. You can find release for your sexual needs through masturbation which is a normal, healthy sexual activity and a great option when one partner is not up to sex. You can't force your sex drive to decrease or your urges to go away. I hope this helps.
I agree with the answer; but I wish it was so easy... It gets frustrating for the well spouse/partner because as a gradual loss of libido by the ill partner continues, the lack of responsiveness and interplay between the two increases.
It is helpful to the well spouse to look for peer support for the feelings they are having about what so often turns out to be a long-term, downhill situation. Just knowing that others are in the same boat at least helps a spousal caregiver to feel they are not alone.
When my husband turned 40 on that day he would not have sex any more. I was 40 also so from then on till now it has been 34 years that I have gone with out any sex but were still together and very happy. Sex is not evey thing when you have a good man.
Dear Anon:
For some no sex after 40 works, for others, it doesn't. We are all very, very different. I am happy for you that you have found a new normal that works for you and your ill husband... (you didn't say he is ill, but I assume he is.)
Re the other Anon:
""How can I control the urge for sex when my partner is not well?"
You can but do it for yourself... or as I said above, find a support group for spousal caregivers where you can vent and hear other suggestions... One thing is sure, it ain't easy!
