Hi: All my answers are in general and though I was answering the original question of the original poster (kadie) if there is anything anyone can take from it--that's fine. Leaving with Grace is one of the most important things we can give those who will still be here. I tend to think that this is at least our third real journey into the vast, unknown. The first happened when we were still just eggs. Female only waiting to be fertiized.
Do any of you know that females are born with all the eggs they will ever have? Here is an excerpt I cut from another site about that:
"A baby girl is born with egg cells (oocytes) in her ovaries. Between 16 and 20 weeks of pregnancy, the ovaries of a female fetus contain 6 to 7 million oocytes. Most of the oocytes gradually waste away, leaving about 1 to 2 million present at birth. None develop after birth. At puberty, only about 300,000—more than enough for a lifetime of fertility—remain. Only a small percentage of oocytes mature into eggs. The many thousands of oocytes that do not mature degenerate. Degeneration progresses more rapidly in the 10 to 15 years before menopause. All are gone by menopause."
Now the point is that if there is any cognizance either spiritually or otherwise, then each egg is nearby when the others began to leave--but they all have an inkling of the NEXT WORLD outside the ovary. Maybe they've heard stories--something about a male sperm combining and creating a whole new being. Course it is all a rumour...WHO ever heard of anything as fantastic as that? But the fact is--- becoming a fertilized egg is a TRANSITION the contained world of the ovary which the oocytes live in for years ends--they will never see that egg again.
They will never know what it is like on the "other side" and the eggs that leave change--they get transformed and none have ever returned to tell what it is like.
I believe life is as infinite as the universe. It does change and there are transitions and transformations and each requires its own setting --and few who go through with it come back.
As we gain more cognizance and develop our cerebral as well as spiritual selves we process this and come to our own conclusions or more puzzles.
Einstein said "Matter is energy and energy is never lost--it is TRANSFORMED..."
People are composed of matter--everything in this universe that is solid is composed of Matter--and it is never lost--it is transformed. We already know some of this. We can tell that things that were living eventually return to dust and as nutrients for the body--but we know we are more than just skin and bones and muscle. WE know this because we already experience the abstract.
JOY....go fetch me a bottle of Joy can you do that?
How about love? Can you slice about a 1/2 pound of love and give it to people?
Gravity? You cannot see it--but it is there and you can EXPERIENCE it.
This means there IS an entire universe of being that does not subscribe to our laws of the concrete... Gamma rays, prions, ...we can name a lot of scientific stuff we already know and there is a universe of stuff we do not know.
MY point is that you do not have to believe in God to know that there is MORE and it is out there.
So here is the second TRANSITION/TRANSFORMATION;
For months (which to many cells is an entire lifetime or 50) all the organs in the body and all the cells that are in the body are aware of a new thing in their midst. It is miraculous and it is growing. It requires a lot of energy from them and their world (the body) but they do their best to accomodate. the new "thing"
Now, just like to the oocytes, the universe was the ovary. to the organs in your body, the universe is the body. It is all they will ever know or see--unless they have a "near death experience" and go into the light--like when you are cut open for heart surgery and your organ gets to experience that blinding light--before it is repaired and put back and tries to relay this "near death experience" to the rest of the body (LOL)
When someone dies--they leave this plane. They are transformed. They shed this body. I imagine the body laments and cries and wonders about the new baby that they saw grow up and then leave...THEY will never see that being again. If the oocytes know about the egg turned baby--they must wonder if the stories are true...IS there anything after the ovary? A lot of oocytes will tell them NO. We are all that there is and when we are gone--then poof--that is all. But surely, there is something else. The baby could tell them---if she could communicate--but hers is a different world and being transformed she no longer considers her origin in an ovary--she is a NEW CREATURE and so looks ahead.
Leaving is traumatic--lots of trauma and drama--and when she enters the next world (our world) there are sensations she did not even know and experiences she has no reference for. Having spent all of her life in liquid, (nice really warm liquid) Air must be a shock. Even when ambient it must appear hostile and cold and WEIRD--something blowing and tugging across new tender skin. Having only been fed and turning by bobbing gently in fluid, having only known other cells talking to her cells and that memory fading fast as she transformed into a true, viable baby--what is a baby to make of these new creatures? Who manipulate her--their "touch" must be one of the most alien things of all--babies do not know this feeling--they know touch only in fluid and them touching themselves or the brush of their cord against them--this is almost just another part of their body--but outside--when they leave the womb--it must just be like leaving this world---NOTHING inside, ever comes back and when parts of the body are opened up for surgery--they have crazy stories to tell.
Probably stories the rest of the body on the inside, can never truly believe. Still...there is something MORE.
So what does leaving with GRACE have to do with this imagining? It means that as we TRANSITION to something MORE..WE LEAVE THOSE WHO ARE LEFT BEHIND with lasting, good moments.
NO. It does not change the real dynamics of a relationship--but it does allow a bit of solace and peace to those who adventure has not reached the next phase.
All those who die--continue the adventure we all started as atoms and electrons --we continue to transform, renew, etc and to promote life--we are given new definitions for life. Every level is different. It is important to leave on a good note--because you never know when you will meet up again and when you do--the old life is no more. I can guarantee you will have a hard time recognizing your loved ones--they will be different, because they will no longer have their human body--that body will have decayed and turned to dust--they may only appear (to us on this plane) as light--but in the next world, when we are also there--maybe they appear like people. Who really knows?
I don't claim to. I can tell you that there is more than here and it is the responsibility of all of us who go before to prepare the way for those who are left--we do this by showing them how to leave with "STYLE" how to remember the most touching and special moments of our lives--how to gently bring everyone to the point of remembering the good or the funny or maybe the irreverent.
the last days are not a good time to hurt others--it may hamper your transition because if you are full of anger and hurt and bitterness or even fear--then it is more difficult for the flesh to separate from the spirit.
We say our "please forgive mes" and "I'm sorries" and "I love you nows" so in this time--with this body, and the others with their bodies--we are all of one accord. Not everyone will accept apologies or honor last wishes or do what should be done to achieve balance. We do all of that to achieve balance.
Most religions will tell you to be this way--to forgive and ask for forgiveness, to provide closure. Here is why:
When we transform, the most exquisite feeling of light and joy can accompany that move OR it can be a time of pain, anger and great fear. It all depends on the BALANCE of your soul as you leave. I am not talking about good vs evil--I am talking about making your peace with most things. Let it go. It is the hanging on that makes it more difficult. It does not matter if others hang on to their hurt or anger or bitterness--it matters if the dying person hangs on.
When you hang on (and consider anger and hurt and bitterness like huge wires) they continue to tie you to this world--they don't even let you see the glimpse of the lovely next level. And it HURTS to be torn away---in fact some are ripped away. It is because they do not just let go.
If you never felt it before--as you realize you are leaving this world and never, ever coming back (or if you do, it will be in a new body, with new families and experiences) you begin to realize how silly and petty a lot of things were. Things you did--things others did to you. None of it is important anymore.
so really--leaving with grace is leaving with your self in balance. Say your good byes, say your I'm sorries, let all anger and hurt and humiliation and treacheries done to you---GO. Let them GO. They will not keep you here--but they can make the leaving harder and they can leave others with a burden that is more difficult to let them let go when their time comes.
I worry about my sister. When she leaves--who can she say "I'm sorry to?" My mom and dad are dead. Who can accept her apology her final growing up and realization that all the antics and drama she caused or participated in was just petty? If you think that my momma an daddy will forgive her from the other side--I think they will not be forgiving more than perplexed. They will have left all this world and the pettiness behind. Her speech and way of communicating with them will not faze them--it is not that they will be mad or anything--it will be that they cannot relate any longer.
THEY ARE TRANSFORMED--NEW CREATURES and she will be like an oocyte trying to relate to a baby. As my sister dies (no she is not dying, this is an example) she also will transform--and with it--her life here will not matter THERE--just as the life in the womb is not carried forth by the baby and the life of the oocyte is not carried forth by the fertilized egg.
EACH time anew. So better to leave everyone happy--and with grace --I am hoping there is not a lot of pain for me--because I do not want to leave crying or unhappy or even preoccupied. I want to look anyone who comes to be with me in the eye and THANK them for allowing them to be a part of my life and for bringing me life lessons. I don't want a lot of crying and want to remind each person that as long as they think of me-- I will live in a way--and as long as most thoughts are good--I will not be the burden that hampers their own release when it is time for them to move on.
I wrote somethings under anonymous and queenbee so I do not know all who have emailed me asking if I am speaking to them. I am speaking to anyone. I am speaking to myself. I want to go with grace and I want people to smile when they remember me as a human. I don't want to be that person who is a stumbling block who makes their passage hard.
I am afraid that my sister may have a difficult time. It has been over 5 years since dad died and over 7 since momma left--but if I call or talk with her, she replays their last words and remarks to her like it was yesterday.
She picks them open and she cannot hear me when I try to talk of peace. She is not a person that contemplates her own death with serenity, she cannot hear me. But I have been at the death bed of quite a few people and it is amazing how different each passage is.
This site covers the physical and phsyiological signs of passing,..I am talking about the transitioning of the spirit--what ever makes you --YOU--what ever makes you wimpy or strong or domineering, or stubborn or flaky or nice or sweet--the essence of you. Go with grace so that your essence is lifted up and soars on a wave of ecstasy to the next level--because if you hold it in or have grudges or leave bad notes--it makes it harder for you and especially harder for whoever you sound off on.
If you really want to get things off your chest--try to do them soon enough that you have time for both you and the person you attack to heal--but in the case of illness--just remember that no time is promised and really--what possible thing is so important that as you are leaving this earth--you still hang on to and nurse it?