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How do I get my dad's friends to quit letting him drive?

A fellow caregiver asked...

My dad was diagnosed with mixed dementia a year ago at that time and again few months later the doctor said he shouldn't drive anymore. He continued to drive so my aunt took his truck away so he borrows his friends cars or drives when they go together to the store. I have told them over and over that his doctor told him not to drive but they continue to let him. They lie about it now but being in a small town I know about it anyway

Expert Answer

Laura Juel is an occupational therapist at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina. She works in the Outpatient Occupational Therapy Program and the Duke Driving Program for older drivers.

This is a challenging situation for both you and your family members. Dementia presents itself with "˜invisible deficits' -ones that are not readily apparent to others. Many people are able to engage in conversation and act socially appropriate around others. The hidden danger is that his doctor had concerns about his driving safety and has told him not to drive.

In many states, if a person drives against medical advice, insurance could refuse to pay for damages if they are in an accident. This may or may not mean anything to his friends and they may continue to let him drive. Here are a few options that I would recommend:

  1. Have your physician contact your state DMV and notify them of his medical condition and recommend that he is not safe to continue driving. DMV will then send a letter to your father stating that he no longer has a valid driver's license. If he is caught driving without a driver's license, he may have strict penalties. Copy this letter for his friends to see.

  2. Write a letter to your father's friends stating that under no circumstances should he operate any motor vehicle. They could be held liable if there was an accident and it was found that they allowed a person to drive their vehicle against medical advice.

DMV are the officially licensing agency. In my experience, local police may not want to help unless your dad has been officially notified by DMV that his driving privileges are revoked.