Hmmmm, this is a little tough to describe, but here goes my attempt. I have been caring for my Dad. who lives with me, single-handedly for the last 2 years (my brother has recently moved in to give me a partial hand, at best, sitting with him while I run errands or get away for a night)and I am certainly feeling the effects of burnout. However, that isn't what concerns me immediately. My Dad suffers from Dementia of the Alzheimer’s type and is limited physically what he can do anymore (i.e. limited mobility, weakness, incontinence, etc.). I literally have to do a lot for him. Help him up, physically clean his bottom after accidents, help in the shower, prepare meals, etc. I am beginning to wonder how much he can actually do on his own. Let me explain. When my Mom was alive, he and my Mother were the quintessential "old fashioned" couple. Mom did everything for him, I mean virtually everything. The thing my Dad did do was win the bread for the family and when the clock struck quitting time, he became "THAT GUY," the one who expected the wife to do everything for him once he was finished working. Now here is my crux, how much of what my Dad can't do is to be blamed on the disease, and how much is to be blamed on shear laziness and the expectations he was groomed into as a husband. Now, I have researched very extensively the disease and have sought his doctor's opinion ("use it or lose it" is his theory, meaning make him do what he can and pick up where he can't). I want to be a motivator and not an enabler of laziness for my Dad's activities, but it is difficult to know where one ends and the other picks up. I also don't want to be a neglecting person when he truly needs it. I have a psychology degree and understand the facets of behavior psychology and the premise of behavior = reward and that of stimulus/response, but struggle with when he masks his stubbornness with the disease. I know he is capable of many behaviors he insists of help with. He was a chain smoker in his prime and the mere mention of a cigarette or smoking on TV and he is up and running in search of errant butts (I don't smoke, but my brother does and not in his view and not in areas remotely near him). Therefore he is motivated to do by old habits, which also includes trips to the casino. He will even randomly travel on his own out to our truck (which means to manage a set of three steps and a thirty foot flagstone path, put his walker in the payload and help himself up into the seat and buckle and demand to be taken to play the slots at the casino. So, it isn't that my concern grows out of burnout and not wanting to help him, it grows out of the fact that I have witnessed him do the very behaviors on a regular basis, that he demands to be helped with. So, as you can see, I have a crux. I want him to remain as physically pliable as possible for as long as he can, and I wish to motivate him to do as much as he can independently for as long as he can, but I also don’t want to ignore the fact that the disease does degrade his physical abilities nor enable lazy behaviors and mindset. What are your thoughts? Does anyone else deal with an issue like this? Share with me please...Thank you for reading...
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