How can I get my mother to accept her Alzheimer's diagnosis?

I responded to an almost identical query in this column last month and am 'borrowing' some of that answer in reponse to your very familiar question. You sound like a See also:
The ABC Way to Understand Alzheimer's Behavior

See all 134 questions about Common Behaviors and Problems wonderful daughter trying to do all the right things to make this experience as positive as possible. The problem is - it is not always possible! The denial of her diagnosis certainly compounds things for both of you. It is not unusual for a person with Alzheimer's disease (AD), who has always been in control, to adopt denial as a way of coping with the loss of control. This disease tends to make the AD-person feel out of touch and not needed by others. They are aware that independency is slowly eroding and try to exert control over almost anything. No matter how little sense it may make to us, the refusal to take a shower or medication is a chance to make a decision and exert control. As long as she does not admit that she is no longer functioning as she once did, then she doesn't have to change the way of life she has lived for many years. She convinces herself she has control over things she knows she is losing control over in order to remain powerful in a world that is leaving her powerless. Denial of an illness that is taking away one's humanness is rather common with memory-impaired folk. Unfortunately denial leads to delay. To delay facing the diagnosis leads to great frustration both for the AD person and for those around her. It also puts off appropriate and solid medical attention such as AD-specific medications that might make her more 'pleasant' and it makes social interventions considerably more difficult. Try to think of her behavior as defensive rather than offensive; she is attempting to defend herself against a world that is becoming increasingly less familiar with each passing day and since there seems to not be any active dialog with her about the diagnosis, she acts out to get across the message that she is feeling both fearful and isolated. Assure her, at these difficult times, by holding her and reassuring her that someone will always be with her. It appears she no longer is functioning independently with her daily routine; try to eliminate questions related to daily care and grooming and replace it with a direct statement. e.g., "here are your pills", or "your shower is ready". Be sure the live-in help understand her disease by providing them with appropriate written materials. Make sure you are taking good care of yourself as you attempt to take care of your AD-person from a very long distance.

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