You will be able to find a mediator for your mom and the caregivers. You have asked for help in such a clear and heartfelt way.
You need a good www.caremanager.org to find one where you live. But just in case there is not someone in your area, you may need help in finding finding help. Is there a specialist in elder law, a geriatric social worker, an Area Agency on Aging, a psychologist with experience in aging?
professional Geriatric Care Manager. You can go to
You will need someone to support you. Trust yourself. It takes more than one person to care for someone as frail as your dear mother. You will have to come to terms with the knowledge that you are not abandoning your mother. You need to expand her circle of care. That circle includes the rehab center, the health professionals, yourself, other family and friends who visit.
Your mother has been frail for 13 years. Your care of her is not yet over. The task you face now is to let others help you. She has reached a point where she cannot see your needs. Her circle of care must both care for you and for your mother. Once you have this help, you will be able to think of ways to bring more comfort to her where she lives. When she complains that you don't care, brush her hair or rub some nice lotion onto her hands. You don't have to answer back. Just let her know that you love her and that you will be with her as much as you can.
And make friends with the aides and other helpers at the rehab center. Help them to understand your mother. She sounds like a very strong person. What was her life, what are her strengths? What are her preferences? Are there ways to distract her from her suffering? Communication can help turn a rehab center into a healing environment of care.