Should I have conversations about Mom's Alzheimer's disease in front of her?
Your concern about your mom's fragile emotional state is heartwarming. You are certainly on target concerning her emotions being intact - indeed they are! Having a dialog with your dad about developing strategies to deal with your mom's changing behaviors should not happen in front of her or any location where she may have some awareness of your conversation. You both want to support her without underscoring the behavioral or cognitive changes. One of the best means to be supportive of a parent with Alzheimer's (AD) is to take advantage of any situation when your mom refers to her 'failures' or to a feeling of losing her mind, or perhaps when she says something like "what is the matter with me?" This is your opportunity (and dad's too) to reach out to her, hold her hand or hold her in your arms and simply say "you are having a problem mom and I am here for you". This confirmation is a loving validation of the changes she is experiencing and what she needs to know most is that her family won't leave her as she progresses.
One of the best means to be supportive of a parent with Alzheimer's (AD) is to take advantage of any situation when your mom refers to her 'failures' or to a feeling of losing her mind, or perhaps when she says something like "what is the matter with me?" This is your opportunity (and dad's too) to reach out to her, hold her hand or hold her in your arms and simply say "you are having a problem mom and I am here for you". This confirmation is a loving validation of the changes she is experiencing and what she needs to know most is that her family won't leave her as she progresses.
If she expresses any hint at wanting to talk about her illness, then try to be as comfortable as possible in discussing her diagnosis with her. "This must be kind of scary for you mom" or "How do you feel when you can't find a word - I think would find that frustrating" are the kinds of lead-in statements that make it easier for an AD person to talk about their feelings.
Remember that talking to dad in front of her about developing strategies for dealing with her behavior is perceived by mom as a negative interaction and it is quite different from talking directly to her about her feelings which is both positive and supportive.
Do take care of you!
I needed to hear this. What you say makes sense. I'm new at this, so these discussions and sharing help educate me in the do's and don'ts. Thank you.
