How do find time for your own privacy when living with and elderly parent?

Oh, do I ever feel your pain there! It's very hard to have private time with an elder in your home. I finally came to realize that it's less a See also:
With both parents in a nursing home and me with power of attorney, can I protect their savings and house?

See all 580 questions about Common Family Conflicts question of "finding" time than it is of MAKING time. It's vital that you give some serious thought to establishing some personal boundaries. Even if your mother complains, you have a RIGHT -- and yes, a legitimate NEED -- for some private personal time with your husband. You would know how to handle it if a small child complained about Mom and Dad going out, wouldn't you? You would lovingly but firmly say that this is important for you. You would address any fears by explaining who has been carefully chosen to care for her during that time. You would be sure that she has whatever she may need in your absence. And then you would GO, regardless of whatever emotional buttons get pushed in the process. Because YOU NEED TO GO. If you don't have adult children who can stay with your mother while you go out, perhaps a neighbor or friend would be willing to give a couple hours for your time out. If you need to hire a caretaker, try locating some eldercare resources in your community. Or call local nursing homes and assisted living places to see if some of their staff would be interested in picking up some extra cash. That way you could be assured that the respite caretaker is someone who understands elders and is trained to handle the situations that may arise. Sometimes I actually want private time at home. I'm assuming from your post that you are married. My husband has been a saint in taking Mom out to have her hair done, or to go for a drive through the park, or to a movie, or whatever, just to give me some time alone at home. Ahhh, heaven! And remember, that just as you are climbing the walls from being cooped up 24/7 with your mom, the same is probably also true for her! Once she gets used to the idea, I think those little respites will be just as valuable to her as they are to you! So be sure that she has regular outlets for her own mental-lifts and rejuvenation, and you may find less complaining when she feels she's being left out of yours. If your Mom tries to get in on a conversation that you prefer to be private, there's certainly nothing wrong with you politely saying, "Mom, ___ and I need to talk a bit about some things. Why don't you go ____" And do some advance brainstorming to come up with suggestions of things she likes to do, such as "go watch TV in the family room," "go write a letter to ___," "go read that magazine you got," or whatever. Just as in the situation of going out, think how you would handle the situation if your mother was someone else. I've found many of the limitations that bug me are ones that have occurred because of my OWN assumptions that Mom's slightest wish must be given precedence over what I would like, or that I must always do what some saint would do! So don't feel guilty over setting boundaries for your own mental health. In the long run, you'll be able to make a longer run if you do! Even if your mother complains, you have a RIGHT -- and yes, a legitimate NEED -- for some private personal time with your husband. You would know how to handle it if a small child complained about Mom and Dad going out, wouldn't you? You would lovingly but firmly say that this is important for you. You would address any fears by explaining who has been carefully chosen to care for her during that time. You would be sure that she has whatever she may need in your absence. And then you would GO, regardless of whatever emotional buttons get pushed in the process. Because YOU NEED TO GO. If you don't have adult children who can stay with your mother while you go out, perhaps a neighbor or friend would be willing to give a couple hours for your time out. If you need to hire a caretaker, try locating some eldercare resources in your community. Or call local nursing homes and assisted living places to see if some of their staff would be interested in picking up some extra cash. That way you could be assured that the respite caretaker is someone who understands elders and is trained to handle the situations that may arise. Sometimes I actually want private time at home. I'm assuming from your post that you are married. My husband has been a saint in taking Mom out to have her hair done, or to go for a drive through the park, or to a movie, or whatever, just to give me some time alone at home. Ahhh, heaven! And remember, that just as you are climbing the walls from being cooped up 24/7 with your mom, the same is probably also true for her! Once she gets used to the idea, I think those little respites will be just as valuable to her as they are to you! So be sure that she has regular outlets for her own mental-lifts and rejuvenation, and you may find less complaining when she feels she's being left out of yours. If your Mom tries to get in on a conversation that you prefer to be private, there's certainly nothing wrong with you politely saying, "Mom, ___ and I need to talk a bit about some things. Why don't you go ____" And do some advance brainstorming to come up with suggestions of things she likes to do, such as "go watch TV in the family room," "go write a letter to ___," "go read that magazine you got," or whatever. Just as in the situation of going out, think how you would handle the situation if your mother was someone else. I've found many of the limitations that bug me are ones that have occurred because of my OWN assumptions that Mom's slightest wish must be given precedence over what I would like, or that I must always do what some saint would do! So don't feel guilty over setting boundaries for your own mental health. In the long run, you'll be able to make a longer run if you do!