What's the diplomatic way to handle wild accusations by a parent with Alzheimer's?

Reassure the neighbor that you know full well she's not doing any of those things, and thank her for her valuable help. Remind her that this behavior is common among See also:
When a person with Alzheimer's repeatedly makes mistakes, is it OK to correct her?

See all 111 questions about Home Safety people with Alzheimer's, and ask her to try not to take it personally. If the behavior only happens occasionally, it signals that your mom could be feeling stressed or anxious. She's probably forgetting things and losing items and, in her stress, blaming her helper.

Even though you know her purse wasn't stolen, it feels very real to her, and arguing with her won't convince her that it didn't happen. Explain to the neighbor that your mother doesn't understand that she has said something inappropriate or inaccurate.

When you speak with your mother, support what she's feeling by saying something like:

• "I'm so sorry your purse is gone. We'll hunt it down."
• "That's terrible. Let me tell you about a time someone took my purse."
• "What was in your purse?"
• "Where do you usually keep your purse?"

If the accusations occur frequently, look at whether she accuses only this neighbor, and consider getting someone else to look in on her. You might also ask your mom's physician about ways to help her feel more secure and safe. Medications are a last resort, but you may be able to modify her living situation to make her feel more relaxed. I think being home alone could be really hard on your mother. It might help if she went to a daycare center or if she had a home health aide come in and assist her. She may do better with more support from other people.

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I'd say it's time to take the neighbor to dinner or something you know a nice time give her something she likes like flowers or chocolates. The main thing is let's find your whatever and here drink this soda it must be about here some place even this has not worked at times. Reason sometimes doesn't work so what you need to do is to go and pray or when all else fails drink a beer. The wild accusations are just like a temper tantrum tell your neighbor that if she has kids. Just step out a minute or so. If reason doesn't work. Or suggest watching a movie on the disk machine. Or listen to music on the ghetto blaster. IAlcohol works on the crazy person just get her drunk and she'll be less of a bother. :) It's true. I'd say all care givers should be given tranq guns with demerol filled darts and it really is a shame the men in white coats with the nets retired. Alcohol honestly helps with sundowning. The panic that typically happens when the day ends. Get the old person drunk. suggest this to you neighbor to just give the woman several drinks of alcohol. Alcohol is a solutuon but only if it is given to the right people.

I'd say give the elder enough booze to make them relax and then they get so drunk they do not care what's missing. Also memory boards help. Dry erase boards so then you write the day and date on them also any instructions or needs on them. Iteneraries help to which list everything that care givers or patients need to remember on a daily basis. Assign a place to put everything keep to a normal schedule stress and change should be kept to a minimum. Warn the senior prior to doctors visits and write it on the memory board get her to pick the clothing she wants the night before each day so it can be hung up or made presentable. So that means they are still a person and they still can make choices they'll make fewer accusations if there is less stress and they know where and when they are.

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Orien2 is surely kidding about getting the person drunk. If so, it's in REALLY bad taste. Alzheimers is not funny. Otherwise, some very good points (leave out the booze altogether!)

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WOW! Give somebody who has memory loss alcohol, really???? If you're afraid she'll wander off SOBER, imagine the damage she can do drunk. Prayers yes, alcohol no. Yes, I definitely hope she was kidding (booo!!!) about getting her drunk. Most people with Alzheimers also take other medications, and mixed with the alcohol could be deadly! SHAME! One other thing....Demerol-filled darts?????? WHAT THE HECK???? Don't even know where to start with THAT statement.

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This is your family and your responsibility. That neighbor is doing you and your mother a favor beyond kind.

Those accusations are abusive to the person on the receiving end, it is not like a child doing it. It is an adult. As an unpaid caregiver for my mother, struggling with siblings who are putting every stumbling block in the way, my own mothers abusive language is exhausting and disheartening.

I know from extensive experience that PAID aides will leave and their agency will cancel your contract when abuse like this starts. So be prepared for having to take responsibility either for her care or for putting her in a nursing home.

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My 89 year old mother, who lives with me, has very mild dementia. However, I see her mood swings changing, and it can be very difficult and challenging. I am only human, and because of her lack of memory she accuses me of lying. Sometimes I lose it and explain she is just not remembering. This only makes her worse. I say hang in there, and we have to remember how our mothers took care of us, now the role is reversing and rather than put her in a nursing home (where it is not needed and she would be miserable), coping is just an every day way of life. I love my mother dearly and she is my best friend, but some days it sure can be difficult.

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I have no helpful answer but I can certainly understand your situation. My husband informed me that he saw me in the back of our church making out with one of the elders. That is so embarrassing and unthinkable I can't go to church any more. I can't leave him alone and I am afraid to take him with me because he would make a scene. I miss my church very much. I have found a couple TV preachers that I watch on Sunday morning but that is not the same as fellowship with other Christians.

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Orien2 answer made me smile. Love the sense of humor as it is so much like mine.

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obviously Orien2 was joking. I have found it helps to have a sense of humor. My mother is in the moderate to severe stage. She has been living with us for 4 years now and It even helps if I joke with her somtimes. Try to keep things light once in a while. It is wonderful for everyone to smile and laugh.

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I'm sure Orien2 was joking (whether anyone else think its tactless or not) Being a caregiver means having a thick skin and a sense of humor. My 100 year old mother has been with us for 5 years and she is is moderate to late stage, with sundowners and hallucinations. My biggest problem is dealing with the siblings. Be sure to join a support group. Knowing someone else is dealing with the same problems does help.

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