Am I experiencing grief or depression?
It's easy to confuse grief with depression. The reason for this is that a number of symptoms of bereavement -- the griefcommonly experienced when someone close to you has died or is dying -- are the same as those reported by people who are clinically depressed.
They include the following:
Sadness, melancholy, or despair
Low energy or fatigue
Weepiness or persistent tears
Changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Poor concentration
Guilt or hopelessness
Unbidden happy and sad memories
Among the bereaved, these symptoms are usually mild or temporary. But these same symptoms may be more chronic or severe among those who are clinically depressed.
Clinical depression is formally defined as a mood disorder characterized by one or more major depressive episodes -- that is, at least two weeks of a depressed mood or loss of interest accompanied by at least four additional symptoms of depression, as described above.
It is important to distinguish between feeling depressed versus clinical depression. Often, people experiencing deep sadness will say something such as, "I'm so depressed." In this case, depressed could be replaced by any number of words that describe varying degrees of sadness: sad, melancholy, blue, bummed-out, brokenhearted. But this is quite different from true clinical depression.
However, if you're grieving and suffering the following additional symptoms, you're more than likely clinically depressed or in the midst of a major depressive episode:
Worthlessness
Exaggerated guilt
Suicidal thoughts or plans
Low self-esteem
Powerlessness
Helplessness
Exaggerated hopelessness
Agitation or restlessness
Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
Exaggerated fatigue
If you see yourself in this list of symptoms, consider getting professional help from a grief therapist or other psychiatric counselor. The irony is that your symptoms may make it difficult to get motivated to get support, but try your best. You're more likely to get relief from your symptoms if you pursue treatment aggressively.
I lost my 28 year old son 2 years ago,3 days before Christmas. My grief only gets worse as time go's by. He had Diabetes and we didn't know it. I saw the signs but I guess I just didn't want to believe it because of his age. So the guilt I feel is so overwhelming I constantly think of all the things I should have done so he would still be here with me.I've tried therapy and I an taking medications, but neither have helped very much.
Kathy,
We are all not meant to be here forever. Cherish the good memories of him not the passing. He loved and was loved in return. THAT is what matters. Focus on all the happiness he brought to you and your family. Too much time wasted, too much of what you could have done....his memory should be of all the good times, not the bad. I lost my Mom 3 weeks ago...my son came up to me while I was crying and said "why is everyone so sad? Nanny is so much happier than she ever could have been here" and having said that...realizing that...focusing on that, we will get through and you would too. I am sure your son would not be the least bit happy about you not moving on and living your life. Talk to him everyday, he is always with you. I pray that you will find the strength in God's promise that we will all be together again. God Bless you
I know all too well about the "Guilt" It is so difficult to live with everyday.. I missed a lot of signs,signs I should have seen and just didn't.. I learned that I have to move forward and try everyday to find a reason to wake up and get out of bed.. I know I will be with my loved one again, and only time stands between that..I talk to her everyday and keep her close to my heart.. You will see your son again, in the mean time he is with people who love him, he is smiling and he is saying MOM STOP..Cause its hurting him to see you like this!
I am so sorry those that have lost their children. What a horrbile experience no parent wants to face. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. There are no words to say to comfort you I am sure, however, I will make a committment to pray for you, for God to comfort you during your time of Sorrow and sadness. At some point to make a difference in someones life in your childs name. WHen you get to that point. God will put someone in your path for you to comfort from your own experience. God Bless my friend. From one mother to another.
I have no doubt that we will all be joined together after death, but at least the dead are in a better place. It hurts a lot just to see your loved one slowly going away, wish I knew for sure what is in her mind when you are talking to her or him and they drift away. You get a lot of yes, I hear your answers, but they cannot repeat the simple words you have just discussed, I didn't realize there was grief before death. Love and contentment to everyone!
My father past away a few years ago.I feel alot of grief and regert for not tell him how i feel.We had a hard life and i had a bad child hood.My father drank alot and wasnt to nice to my mother.I was scared alot.He stoped drink move out of the house with my mother hair dresser.I never told him a forgave him and loved him. Love you dad and rest in peace. THeresa xoxoxo
"I didn't realize there was grief before death." stated by Anonymous. My mom has Alzheimer's and the past year has been very difficult for all of us. I manage her care and have been seeing a counselor to deal with the stress and grief I feel. With any long term illness there is grief before the person dies. Grief is a process and with a long illness it seems to get more drawn out. It has helped me to learn about the process so I can better handle this very difficult situation. I recommend seeking professional help to anyone carrying a similiar situation. Blessing to all especially those that have lost their children. Peace to you.
grief for a son splits a mothers soul in two. depression splits a mother from her family and other humans. guilt is another way for one to feel sorry for themselves. when i first heard that i said, ouch man. that's not true. but upon introspection, i found it to be so. i suffer from clinical depression. because i am grieving the recent loss of my son, i did not recognize i was depressed until it was pointed out to me by a dear friend. i am now in therapy, taking medication, and am able to see how far i have come and how far i have to go. feeling guilty and dragging your sons grief around is not a good way to honor your son nor your living family. i wanted to die when my son did. i wanted to die instead of him. my daughter brought someting to my attention; my daughter has a right to her mothers love and joy. my grandchildren have a right to a happy loving grammy. i am not the only one that matters. sometimes it is better to understand than be understood. i need to put myself out of the negative rut. even if i need a ladder to get up to the bottom, i have to do it. since i am aive, i might as well make it as enjoyable as i can. another difference between grief and depression is grief does lessen with time if you learn the grieving process. clinical depression doesn't get better. i love my son with all of my heart and soul. it has been 9 months. i could not move beyond the the depth of the pain because i was clinically depressed. now that i am willing to make the effort to live a more joyous life. for me, that means whatever it takes. going to counceling, taking medication, and for myself, a self-help group, my soul is slowly mending. i will smile once for me and once for doug. good luck
